


Salvation

by Idril_Telperien1



Series: Fallen Verse [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 29
Words: 74,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idril_Telperien1/pseuds/Idril_Telperien1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Fallen. Reid and Marley's lives are falling into place until an old face from the Team's past returns and threatens everything they've created.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Voulez-Vous

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally managed to get time to write the sequel! I had the idea for ages but with my final year of school it’s taken till Christmas to actually be able to do it! I hope you enjoy this one as much as the last one. Sorry for the sheer amount of mushiness but after the last episode of Criminal Minds (OMG what was that?!) I thought Reid deserved some happiness, even if it’s in my own mind because I definitely don’t own CM (see what I did there :p)   
> Anyway I hope you like it! Idril x

**1\. Voulez- vous**

**Marley POV**

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” I giggled as I stumbled arm in arm with my new husband along the pavement. He laughed before mumbling something about too much alcohol; I laughed and clutched his arm a bit tighter. Happiness (and alcohol) made me practically purr with happiness as I stared up at the Parisian night sky. We were staying near the Eiffel Tower, along one of old fashioned tree lined streets; it was a favourite haunt of David Rossi’s, he’d suggested the place for our first few nights of marriage (and even called the manager and requested that they were put in the best room for our stay). The doorman nodded to the two of us as he ushered us in from the cool night air into the warm, friendly lobby. The night staff were whispering to themselves, I doubted whether anyone else had wandered through the lobby in hours. I smiled at them as we hurried towards the elevator, desperate to get into our warm room after the chill of the Parisian evening.

“Do you think we have to go back? We could run away to Paris, get new names, we can work in that little bakery down the road?” He laughed and rolled his eyes as he wrapped me up in his arms.

“What about Jack? Are you going to kidnap him?” Spencer snorted.

“Hmm… I doubt Aaron will agree to that.” I laughed, feeling slightly lightheaded from the alcohol; I was always a lightweight when it came to alcohol. Aaron always laughed at me whenever I drank whiskey, one would be enough to put me on the floor for the evening. I had to drink fruit juice whenever Dave came over to play cards with us or I was sure to lose all my money, or lego pieces, depending on the stakes. Spencer fumbled with the key but eventually managed to turn the lock on the stiff oak door as we fell into the room. It was nice, old fashioned architecture but modern facilities. The bed was my favourite part of the room; it was almost as big as our apartment and softer than anything I’d ever slept on before. Needless to say we’d made much use of that luxury.

Spencer flopped down on the soft white sheets and dragged me with him so we landed with a soft thump. I stretched out over Spencer, marking my territory, as I peppered kisses along his neck and chest. He whimpered and hugged me tightly against his body; as he had every night since we wed. I laughed, feeling happier than I had in ages. I still hadn’t come down from the high of my wedding; surely no one was allowed to be this happy. Spencer’s warm breath began caressing my body and I almost purred in happiness; yet another perfect night with my husband.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I awoke with the early summer sunlight warming my bare back and a thumping in my head from last night. I moved my arm to seek out my husband only to find a cold empty space next to me. I was instantly awake and alert; these last few weeks I had taken it for granted that Spence was always going to be lying beside me when I woke up. I knew I’d miss it terribly when he went back to work and I had to get used to days without him. But this was our honeymoon, we usually didn’t get up till noon and even then we got up together. I reached over for my phone, a smile playing on my face as I wondered what he had up his sleeve. Our dinner out last night had been one of his surprise treats for me; little did he know that two could play at that game. I had managed to scrounge tickets for a Doctor Who convention for when we were in London; while I had never quite understood his fascination with the time travelling doctor I knew it was one of his favourites. He’d once spent about two months knitting a scarf by hand for a convention which had been a rather amusing affair; my husband had never had the best hand eye coordination.

“Hey, I’m back.” He called out as the door opened and let bright light cascade down the hallway.

“Where’d you go? Back to see the pretty waitress that was eyeing you up last night.” I joked as I rubbed a hand over my eyes and groaned, my head protesting the sudden movement.

“You know I only have eyes for you. I went out to get you something special.” He grinned as he appeared from the hallway holding a cardboard container.

“Is that… mac and cheese?” I asked hopefully, enticed by the smell. Mac and cheese was my ultimate hangover food; I could never get enough of it the day after a night out. 

“Yeah, I remembered they had it in the nice café yesterday and I knew my lightweight wife would need it this morning.” He leaned down and kissed me before handing me the box.

“You’re hardly Dave when it comes to holding your drink either, but thank you baby.” I smiled before opening the box and offering him a fork. The creamy texture instantly reminded me of my Dad’s home cooked meals when I was a child and I smiled. Spencer curled up beside me on the bed and reached for the book he’d brought at the market yesterday, a medieval French fantasy that made me feel idiotic just from looking at the front cover. We spent a few minutes in companionable silence while I finished my hangover breakfast; spencer’s arm which had been wrapped around me began absentmindedly caressing my arm; his light fingers sending sparks across my skin. It reminded me of the first time he touched me in the parking lot before my first day of college. I leaned my head against his shoulder and breathed in his scent; it reminded me of our apartment where his unique smell had penetrated every orifice. It was perfect when he was away; it felt as if he was still there watching over me.

“Do we have to go back?” I kissed his chiselled jawline before snatching his book from him.

“It doesn’t matter where we are; you just want to spend all day in bed.” He laughed as he caressed my hair.

“You have a problem with that?” 

“No, not at all.” He grinned before pushing me down on the bed and kissing me deeply, one of his hands wrapping itself in my hair and the other grabbing my waist so he could pull me closer. “Not. At. All.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

When we eventually left our suite, several hours later, the bright summer sunlight warmed our conjoined hands as we wandered around the Parisian streets looking for somewhere nice for a belated lunch. The streets were packed full of natives and tourists alike all angrily hurrying towards some previously decided rendezvous, it felt as if we were the only people in the whole of Paris who were simply wandering, enjoying the breath-taking views and the warm air around us. Just enjoying the moment. I envied Spencer for being able to remember this without any expenditure of effort; I knew that no matter how hard I tried, in ten years’ time I would muddle up what had happened on what day and in what city. At least I knew that whether it was tomorrow or fifty years in the future I would still feel exactly how I felt right now; hopelessly in love with my husband.    

“Marls, you’re vibrating.” Spencer laughed as my phone began jangling in the pocket closest to our linked hands. I quickly pulled it out of my pocket, knowing it could only be one of two people. “Aaron Hotchner” flashed across the display, demanding my undivided attention.

“Hello?” I grinned, wondering whether Aaron or Jack would be on the other end of the line.

“Marley! Marley! I miss you so much! You’ll never guess what happened today?!” Jack excitedly yelled down the receiver; I could envisage him jumping up and down in excitement with Aaron laughing as he watched the happiness on his face from some random event of the day that he was dying to share with me. I knew the scene well only I was usually the one on the other end of the phone, watching Jack tell his Dad about his day before bedtime. 

“I’ve missed you so much! What happened today?” Spencer smiled at the grin on my face and slowed down to stay by my side. He allowed me to pull him over towards the side of the street before we got trampled by the onslaught of the lunchtime crowds. 

“I scored the winning goal! You should have seen it! Everyone cheered and Uncle Dave said that I was a natural! Then the whole team went out for pizza. I wish you had been there.” He whispered a little more sombrely. “But Harry’s Dad videoed the whole game so you can watch it!”

“I can’t wait. I bet you were super; you must have been if your Dad took the _whole_ team for pizza. We brought you a present today.”

“Really?! What is it?” He yelled with happiness and I heard Aaron remind him he didn’t have to yell all the way to France for me to hear him.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” I grinned coyly as Spencer laughed beside me, both of us wanting to see his face when he opened it.

“Dad wants to speak to you. Bye Marley.”

“Love you Jack.” I whispered, suddenly desiring to go back home and see him. I listened patiently to the static as I waited to hear from my boss, probably begging me to come home soon because he missed the easy childcare. He’d had to call in favours from both Jess and Will while I was gone. I hated to admit it but the fact that he was so stranded without me gave me a little power rush.

“How’s it going? We haven’t interrupted anything have we?” Aaron asked, making me smile with one of his rare attempts at humour.

“No, thank you very much. We are currently going to lunch. I heard your son’s the next Beckham.”

“It was a good game, you should have seen him. Scholarship here we come.”

“I’m glad they’re not suffering from the loss of the assistant assistant coach.” I joked and was granted the famous Hotchner snort of approval.

“We miss you. We have a calendar and Jack’s counting down the days till you come back. Well, when Reid’s back; Jack has the most horrendous science project and its driving me insane.” I laughed as I recalled the projectile and the broken glass window of the last science project. “I’ll see you soon Marley.”

“Bye Aaron.” I smiled as I hung up the phone although a sense of longing settled in my stomach for the family we’d left behind. Spencer seemed to catch my change in mood because he pulled me into his chest and gave me a tender kiss that left me weak at the knees. When we parted his hazel eyes met mine, the golden sunshine was reflecting off them and I couldn’t help but blush at the intensity that it added to his loving expression. He leaned forward and ran a trembling hand down the side of my face and gently twirled a lost strand of my curly black hair around his finger before tucking it behind my ear with the rest of my hair.

“My beautiful wife.” He whispered before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

“I love you.” I whispered as I placed a hand between our bodies over his heart. I felt the strong beating of his heart thundering against my palm, without that strong beat I don’t know what I’d do. It was my lifeline as well as his.

We stayed huddled together for a few moments more before we resumed walking down the tree lined streets, both of us feeling a sense of euphoria. I only hoped this feeling of utter perfection would survive once we got back to normalcy. 


	2. Pond

**2\. Pond**

**“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” ― J.K. Rowling**

**Spencer POV**

_The basement was almost in total darkness, only the flickering of a bare bulb offering a small circle of weak light in the middle of the room. The baby was in the middle of the circle, the central focus for both me and the other watcher in the room. The small baby girl was whimpering; she wanted her Mother. Her Mother was almost hidden from view apart from one jean clad leg, the bare foot showing a small heart tattoo on the heel. The dark haired baby gazed at me and began bawling at me with her arms raised up in a bid for my attention. I tried to move towards her, sensing the danger that she was in but my feet were stuck to the floor and try as I might, I couldn’t get to her. The other watcher didn’t seem to have that problem as the shadowy figure crept forward into the circle of light. I tried to call out. To stop them for getting any nearer to the little child but I was frozen in place. The masked eyes seemed to mock me as he prowled forwards towards the crying child. I couldn’t even raise a hand to my gun. The baby and the mother were utterly helpless. All I could do was watch as the figure made its final move towards the terrified child._

I yelled out for Marley as I jumped up, the sheets tangled around my legs with a cold sweat dripping down my legs and face. I reached blindly out for my wife, desperately needing to know that she was safe, but her side of the bed was empty. Panic clasped painfully at my heart as I stared desperately around the room, hoping beyond hope that she would materialise. I yelled out for her again only to be rewarded with my startled wife appearing in the bathroom doorway. She instantly read my anxious expression and hurried over to the bed; her warm arms engulfed me and held me close to her beating heart. I breathed in her fresh scent from her wet skin, the familiarity of it all managed to calm me down after the disturbing dream. I pulled the side of her shirt up so that I could clutch her waist, the skin on skin contact allowing me to drown in her presence.

“Bad dream?” She whispered against my temple as she ran her fingers through my hair. I nodded before pulling back from her embrace slightly so that I could look into those calm brown eyes, only to notice her bizarre outfit. She was wearing a white shirt and a tiny black miniskirt held up with a black belt that held an array of oddities that I was sure was meant to represent a policewomen’s belt. I ran my hand over it before cocking an eyebrow at her. “I have a surprise for you.” She grinned mischievously before pulling away from me and heading for her bag.

“Does this give you a clue?” She asked as she threw Jack’s toy sonic screwdriver at me. I picked it up before turning to give her an incredulous look.

“Doctor Who?”

“Doctor Who _convention._ ” She clarified before sashaying back to kiss me.

“You’re the best wife ever.”

“That’s what my last husband said.” She joked before sitting on the bed and lifting up her left foot so she could slip her tights on. It was then I felt my eyes drawn to the heart tattoo on her heel. It was almost embarrassing how long it had taken me to notice her hidden tattoo; it was during a game of truth and dare with the team that Marley had admitted she’d got one. Morgan had found it hilarious that I’d been dating her for over a year and hadn’t known about it, I’d had to put up with the sexual jokes for about three months. “ _You obviously don’t go in for anything adventurous do you, Pretty boy?” “Not into 69 then Kid?”_ But really, she had the worst circulation of anyone I’d ever met so she was forever in socks, and when we were in bed together her feet were hardly my main concern. Not that Morgan had accepted my well thought out arguments. He’d just continued his jokes until Hotch had sent him a withering stare and Dave began making comments about Morgan having a foot fetish. Marley had admitted later on that she’d gone through a rebel phase after she’d been turned down for a full ride scholarship and had believed she wouldn’t be able to go to college. She’d decided to get a tattoo to annoy her Dad although subconsciously she obviously hadn’t been that convinced that it was a good idea as she’d had it somewhere it could easily be hidden.

As I continued to stare at the tattoo I’d last seen on a dead girl’s foot it felt as if my blood had frozen and congealed the blood in my heart as the dream came running back to me. I leaned forward so I could grab her arm, almost to remind myself that this was reality and Marley was safe by my side. _She was safe. No one was going to hurt her again. Ever._

“What was it about? Your dream? I know it’s upsetting you, hon.”

“Nothing, just something from an old case. It’s nothing. So do I get a costume to match my sexy wife’s?” She obviously wasn’t convinced by my lie but I knew telling her would bring back unpleasant memories from John. Not something I wanted her to be reminded of.

“There’s a little something in my bag for you.” She replied with a little smile after a few moments. She wandered back over to her case and pulled out a bunch of familiar clothes; I recognised the brown overcoat and scarf immediately as my costume from the last convention I went to with Garcia. She threw the pile at me before heading back to the bathroom although from the concerned glance she sent back my way before she disappeared from sight I knew that she hadn’t bought anything I’d said. I undid the pile that she’d given me to find a small piece of torn notepaper with Garcia’s curly cursive writing _I want pictures you lucky thing PG XXX._ I couldn’t help but smile at Garcia and it also made me ponder how long Marls had been planning it.

The aforementioned Marley appeared fully dressed and looking very much like a raven haired Amy Pond. She watched me tenderly from the doorway as she twirled a wooden hairbrush between her fingers. “I love you.” She whispered so quietly I had to strain to hear her, making me wonder if I was meant to hear her declaration or if it was merely her subconscious spilling out. A sudden knock at the door startled me but Marley just smiled slyly before dancing over to the door to unearth yet another surprise.

“Mrs Reid?” I grinned like an idiot when I heard someone outside the door address my wife. She thanked a hotel waiter before closing the door with one hand while balancing a silver tray balanced in the other.

“What? You thought I was going down to breakfast dressed like a prostitute. They’ll think we’re replicating _pretty women_!” She laughed before placing the tray between us and revealing pancakes. The smell of warm batter and sweet syrup wafted up to my nose reminding me of breakfasts at home when my Mother was having one of her good days. She always liked to bake when she was having a good day; cakes, waffles, caramels, anything sweet and bad for you. _“Something special for my little boy”_ she always used to say. Sometimes she used to cook on her bad days too; a meal for her students who were coming around for a study session. Usually she forgot and I’d come home to burning pans or flames leaping from the oven like the breaths of a dragon. I shook my head to displace the bad memories; there had been good days too. They were the ones to remember. Saturday mornings with pancakes and my Mother reading to me.

Marley’s smile told me she remembered the stories too.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I could barely contain my excitement as Marley pulled me along towards a white brick building with every doctor replicated in every shape and size along with multiple companions (Amy Pond was by far the most popular although I could safely say that Marley was the best, even if she wasn’t ginger) and even a full sized slytheen monster ambling along the pavement. My Amy turned to grin at me, her face lighting up even more when she saw the boy in a sweetshop glow that the whole scene had evoked in me. As we pushed our way into the throng and towards the open glass doors that led to the convention entrance it felt as if we were stepping into a different dimension. The noise of the street was muffled, instead the legendary theme tune was playing; beckoning us further into the building.

I picked up a guide from a stand and quickly flicked through it to learn as much about the convention as I could. I enjoyed processing the information; I guess part of it was my eidetic memory and part of it came from my job, the need to know everything that I could about a situation. Marley had known me long enough to understand my quirk and flicked through a copy she’d picked up to pass the time.

“What do you think we should hit first?” She asked once I’d finished flicking through mine a few times.

“There’s the original movie? I haven’t seen it in years. Have you ever seen it?”

“I can’t say I have, my brothers weren’t into it and we usually watched what they wanted to watch. It was the easiest way to keep them quiet.” She laughed and I understood her reasoning; even though I’d only known her brothers for a few years and they were mostly grown they were still a boisterous lot. “I think that sounds like a great starting point though. Apparently there’s Doctor Who themed game of twister and the two losers have to marry each other. We could try our hand at that. There might be a gorgeous alien waiting to marry me!” She joked tenderly.

“It doesn’t mention it in the guide.”

“Penelope googled the back stage gossip. She said she wanted a video if it happened to one of us.”

“Well even if we don’t I’m sure she’ll photoshop something.” I joked, remembering the peak at her secret photoshop file; a topless Morgan was a heavy feature. Marley seemed to have remembered the story too as she turned to fix a wicked grin at me.

“Let’s find Morgan a partner.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Garcia would have loved this; it was even better than the one we went to in Washington last spring.”

“Well we got her pictures like she asked for.” Marley laughed as she held up her camera where she’d managed to stock up copious amounts embarrassing photos from the day that I was sure Garcia would Photoshop and pin up in her office.

“I noticed how there’s none of you. There are no mementoes of you in that outfit.” I dramatically sighed as I wrapped an arm around her waist. I had grown quite fond of that outfit throughout the day. I hoped it would make an appearance at home.

“You have an eidetic memory, you can remember this moment forever.” She paused before pulling her camera back out of her pocket. “Okay, but only for you.”

I happily held out my hand for the camera, glad she’d given in so easily. I smiled as I watched the evening sunshine catching Marley’s raven lock and I smiled; this was definitely going to be framed. Once I’d taken the picture she darted back to me and pulled me close, mumbling how we might as well have one of both of us. I held the camera out and wrapped my arm around Marley’s shoulder so I could take the picture.

“Let’s see then.” She took the camera back and flicked to the last picture we’d taken. The two of us were clutching each other and grinning like idiots up at the camera. My bowler hat and the start of her police uniform giving away where we’d been. It was the perfect picture from yet another perfect day with my wife. 

I knew it would be the picture that Garcia hung on the wall of her office next to the pictures of Jack’s Halloween costume, Emily’s high school photo and her personal favourite, Morgan in his swimming trunks among other delights from the years we’d been on the team. They were all clustered together under the heading “Family Fun.” She liked to look at it when we were working a case.

 All her babies happily smiling down at her.

      

   


	3. Last Day

**“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” ― Robert Fulghum**

**Marley POV**

“I can’t believe it’s our final day.” I sighed dramatically as I stared out at the darkening London skyline from our hotel room. We were staying down an old fashioned street with great sandstone brickwork that gave the street a timeless quality. It was beautiful and reminded me of some of the upper class areas in DC that some of Jack’s friends lived in. I allowed the white net to slip from my fingers and obscure the outside world. Enveloping us in our own hide away.

Spencer watched me from the bed as he finished packing his bag; our flight wasn’t till tomorrow evening but Spencer wanted to be prepared. The need to leave quickly still deeply ingrained in him from the BAU. My stuff was still strewn around the room even though Spence had offered, begged really, to pack for me. I wasn’t in the mood for such mundane tasks so I snuck over to my case and found my outfit from the convention, Spencer had barely been able to take his mind off me the whole day and it had got me thinking. After all I might as well make our last night something to remember.

I felt unnaturally nervous as I stared at myself in the mirror, hoping it would have the desired effect; it wasn’t exactly something I normally did but I thought it might make for a memorable final evening. I ran my hands through my hair as I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror; while I wasn’t completely comfortable with the outfit I was pretty sure it would catch Spencer’s attention. It had last time.

“Are you finished yet?” I asked as I opened the bathroom door. Spencer mumbled that he needed a few more minutes as he focused on folding his clothes; I was finally beginning to understand Morgan’s hatred of rooming with him when they were away. “Trust me Spence, it can wait.”

He finally turned to look at me and let out a strangled sound, his eyes ogling at me in a way that reminded me of a cartoon character. I laughed as I moved to where he sat on the bed, still holding one of his shirts in his hands and placed a kiss on his forehead. The shirt dropped from between his fingers and he slowly moved his hands to the hem of the starch white shirt and slowly pushed it up so that he could grasp my waist and pull me down onto his lap. I grinned at him, suddenly feeling a lot more confident in the outfit now that it had my husband mesmerised.

“You sure you don’t want to finish packing.” He growled against my throat and I couldn’t help but laugh as his tongue licked a path down my throat. I playfully pushed Spencer’s chest and he, following my directive, fell back onto the bed so that I could lounge across him.

“This has to be my favourite thing you ever wore.” He gasped as he grasped the material between his thumb and forefinger.

“I noticed. The nerdiest role play ever.” I laughed as he continued to run his hands around my waist and up my back; shivering from his feather light touch, almost ticklish in its intensity as he delicately began removing the layers of Amy Pond’s clothes from my body. Stripping me bare. I let my head fall onto his chest as I drowned in the moment. The skin on skin contact igniting my nerve endings so that fire burned through my veins.

“I love you.” He gasped out, wrapping a hand around several locks of my hair so he could pull me in for a kiss. “Tonight is going to be….” He never managed to produce his desired adjective as I grabbed him for another long kiss.

Tonight _was_ going to be amazing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

I woke up on our final morning to the calming sound of rain sliding down the window pane. I sat for a minute and watched some of the droplets dribble down until they disappeared into a pool at the base on the window. The hypnotic effect was soothing and added to my already languid state of mind as I turned towards my husband. He was lying stretched out across his side of the bed as his chest rose and fell gently, still blissfully unaware that a new day had dawned. I leaned closer and ran my hand across his chest, feeling the soft downy hair and sleek muscles that he’d slowly been building over the years as an agent.

“Morning.” He mumbled as he trapped my hand under his, before turning to smile at me, his face reflecting the happiness that I was sure radiated in my own cheeks. I leaned forward and kissed his dry lips. I couldn’t believe how happy I was.

“Morning, Honey.” I kissed him again before pulling him close to me. Neither of us was rushed to get up; why change the habit of our honeymoon.   Despite having some of the best times of my life on this honeymoon I was still glad to be going home; to see Jack, Aaron and my family. And it would be nice to begin our marriage properly back home. 

Once hunger got the better of us we slowly rolled out of bed and began pulling ourselves together; the rain was still falling outside so we decided to stay somewhere indoors;  we hadn’t visited the Natural History Museum and there was some more shopping we needed to do. I stood by the window and watched the commuters racing towards the subway, tube I should say, with their uniform black umbrellas smashing into one another. I liked London; there was something homely about it. It reminded me of Washington in a strange way, I could imagine living there unlike the other cities we’d been to. After last night Spencer had agreed to pack up all of our stuff; I knew if I procrastinated enough then he would do it. I picked up my all of my makeup and products from the wooden desk and flung them into my case while Spencer folded everything we owned into minute squares and I wondered if he’d been in the military at one point in his life. I kissed him as I sat on the floor and helped him to arrange everything into our cases. There was a companionability silence as we worked, both of us wanted to get everything packed before we went down for breakfast.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The cold rain splashed down as we sprinted down the road towards the subway, the droplets sliding into the collar of my shirt and down my spine. The famous British rain making itself known. Once we slid down the concrete steps into the underground cavern filled with heat and noise we gripped each other’s hands again as Spencer rattled off the tube and platforms that we needed to reach the museum. It was times like this that I wished I had an eidetic memory.

For once the tube wasn’t too busy; rush hour had ended several hours ago so the only people left were tourists like us and a group of school children who I guessed were on a trip. They couldn’t have been much older than Jack and their incessant chatter gnawed at my gut; I couldn’t wait to see him. We wouldn’t get home until late in the evening so I’d have to wait until the morning to see him but I could barely contain my excitement. Hell I was even excited to see Aaron.

Spencer, who’d researched the museum extensively, was debating whether the fossilised sea creatures or the new dinosaur exhibition. I smiled and leaned my head in the crook of his shoulder as I listened to the excitement in his voice. It didn’t matter what he was talking about that excited tone always made me smile. It reminded me of the first day we met when we began our philosophy conversation and was blown away by his mind. I shut my eyes and listened to the lilt of his voice as the tube moved away. His arm began rubbing slow circles across my arm and it took all the willpower to stay awake and not drift off into oblivion. I cracked open one eye to see Spencer staring down at me before leaning down to place a chaste kiss against my lips. One of the children groaned across from us and we laughed together as Spencer whispered “Jack” in my ear.

Once we reached our station we headed out into the downpour which had intensified until we could barely see a foot in front of us. The large sandstone steps up to the museum reminded me a lot of an ice rink as we slipped and slid our way up them. The outside of the building was deserted, only a security guard watching us disdainfully from the doorway as we approached the entrance. He quickly searched my bag as we tried to get dry; Spencer’s long hair dripping over the floor as he shook himself down. It made me squirm as I watched the wet strands squeak across his face; I had a thing about long hair, even before Spencer. I’d hated it when Spencer had decided to cut his locks and try his _“boy band”_ look as Aaron had christened it; luckily it hadn’t take long to grow out and my appreciation of its return hadn’t gone unnoticed. The guard’s face twitched into something that could have been either a smile or a grimace as he handed me my bag.

“Cheerful man that one.” I whispered as we headed into the main auditorium to be greeted by a large diplodocus skeleton. The sheer scale of the creature was breath taking; despite the fact that I’d seen several dinosaur skeletons before it always shocked me. The towering figure made me think about the Easter Island head that had started my last adventure.

“They don’t have any…. Easter Island heads do they?” I whispered; knowing that the head had absolutely nothing to do with Jonathon but they had remained in my mind as a symbol of the masked evil in the world and that was the last thing I wanted to be reminded of.

“No, sorry we’ll have to go and see them in Washington.”

“No!” I said more sharply than I should have. “No, they’re not my favourite. Dinosaurs however….” I trailed off and smiled at him before pulling him towards the signs for the dinosaur exhibition, knowing that would distract him long enough to forget my aversion to stone heads. It seemed to work as he instantly began reciting his knowledge of bones and the most common fossils found in England. His pacifying tone allowing me to push Jon and the Easter Island heads to the back of my mind.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The night sky was pitch black as the plane began its descent towards Washington National airport. We were home. Despite getting a late flight I hadn’t been able to sleep; I like being able to stretch out not cramped in some tiny chair with turbulence rocking the flight every so often. Spencer however was used to such conditions and had snored his way through the entire flight, along with most of the passengers. When the flight crew brought round drinks and biscuits half way through there was only me and an elderly women awake in our section of the flight to receive them. I spent most of the flight watching new films and some old rerun programmes in the TV section; the first hour had been fun but by the final two had left me so bored I’d started balancing peanuts on Spencer’s serene face. I managed an impressive 13 before he woke up and ruined my game.

“What are you doing?” He asked and I smiled before leaning closer to lick off a stray peanut from his cheek. “My strange wife.”

“You were asleep and this flight is _very_ boring.” I laughed and he wrapped me up in his arms.

“Sorry for the inconvenience.” He joked as the flight crew began preparing for landing. I opened the window shutter and watched the sparkling light of our home as we descended. Jack was asleep in one of those houses below and in the morning I’d get to see him. Apart from my time with Jon this was the longest I’d been away from him and it had manifested like a physical pain within me. While Jack would always be Haley’s son I’d spent the last four years raising him as my own and it felt unnatural not to have him close by me.  That was soon to be sorted though.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I was dead on my feet as we dragged our way through arrivals and grabbed our bags; I was so tried I just wanted to curl up in our own bed and sleep for the next week. Thankfully Spencer was more refreshed and could negotiate baggage calming and passport checks or I would have been screwed. After the relative quiet of the corridors leading to the arrivals lounge it was a shock to my system to walk through the doors into the bright lights and babble. I shook my head against the sudden intrusion and snuggled closer to Spencer who had suddenly gone very still.

“Oh God.” He groaned and I followed his eyes to see Derek Morgan standing in the corner by the coffee stand holding a placard which read **Mr and Mrs Pretty Boy.** I nearly died laughing as we headed towards him; Spencer having to hold me up as he glowered at Derek who grinned like a Cheshire cat as he saw us approaching him.

“Derek, it’s great to see you!” I yelled as ran the last few steps and hugged him.

“It’s good to see you too Mrs Reid. Why so glum Mr Reid?” He joked as he gave Spence the sign and grabbed one of our bags before leading us towards the exit and his car.

“I should have known asking you to pick us up would be a bad idea.” He rolled his eyes and Derek chuckled. “How is everyone?”

“Yeah good, Garcia’s already digitally enhancing your wedding pictures and the Hotchners’ were counting down the days till you were back. I called Hotch earlier to say I’d pick you up and Jack was still up; too excited to sleep.” My face lit up as I thought of Jack; as excited as if it was Christmas Eve. It made me feel… special, I guess, and privileged.

“Spencer…” Derek started and his quiet tone made me shiver as we got into his car. “Something came to the office for you.”

“What was it?” Spencer almost whispered, his hand gripping mine tightly.

“We don’t know but its Gideon’s handwriting.” _Gideon._ How long had it take Garcia to track him down when Spencer admitted he wanted him at our wedding; eventually she found him registered as a tenant in a small Texan town. Well that had been his last address; he’d moved around most of the country, not stopping anywhere for more than a few months. Spencer had sent a letter but had heard nothing; either he’d moved on or he didn’t want to know. I knew what a blow it had been to Spencer, considering his other Father hadn’t come. After the Jenkins mess the two had tried to make a go of it but it had slowly petered out until they only sent one another Christmas cards.

“I’ll look at it next time I’m in the office.” He replied quietly, offhandedly as if it didn’t matter to him when both of us knew how painful all of this was. I kissed him and leaned my head against his shoulder, wondering what Gideon had left him and what effect it would have on Spencer if he got another rejection from yet another Father.                  


	4. Gideon

**4\. Gideon  
“Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” ― ** [ **J.R.R. Tolkien** ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/656983.J_R_R_Tolkien)

**Marley POV**

Even as we drove to Aaron’s house Spencer was still quiet, I knew the illusive package that was waiting in the office was weighing on his mind. I wanted to suggest us going over there right now and picking it up but I was scared too. Scared what Gideon had done or said. He’d hardly left Spencer the best message the last time and I doubted the importance of his actions had dwindled for Spencer. I took my left hand off the steering wheel and grasped his tightly; his grasp felt clammy in my own but I put it down to tiredness. Even if only to make myself feel better.

“Whatever happens baby I’m here. It might be good, maybe…”

“If he wanted to get back in touch he would have come to the wedding or phoned.” Spencer sighed. “I just thought he might come. It’s been almost six years. I miss him… I thought he might have missed me. Or Aaron and the team.”

“Maybe he does. We don’t know what’s going on. After we see Jack we could go pick it up?” I ventured nervously and he made a non-committal shrug so I decided not to push the issue further; knowing our luck with parents or parental stand ins didn’t bode well for our next encounter.

“Did you pick up Jack’s present?” He asked as we turned into Aaron’s off road car park and headed for my usual spot by Aaron’s blue truck.

“Yeah, it’s in the back.” I leant across to kiss him before grabbing the bags from the back and practically racing across to the front door of Aaron’s apartment building. The lobby with its plush carpet and beige walls instantly soothed my troubled mind; it was my first home in DC and it always would be a sacred place for me. Mrs Mullen, Aaron’s next door neighbour appeared from the lift as we headed for the stairs, I still wasn’t particularly keen on elevators, and waylaid us to ask about the wedding. She was a nice old lady who would often watch Jack if I ever had to go out although her husband was never particularly happy whenever I took advantage of her in the middle of the night. What could I say, with the job Aaron had I’d often had to run out at odd hours because one of the team had done something stupid. Once we’d promised her she could see the wedding pictures as soon as they came she allowed us to head up the staircase to the fourth floor; it was lucky that my fitness level had increased after all the years I’d lived there, I could remember being completely out of breath the first few times I’d done it. Obviously Aaron’s influence on my diet had paid off.

I pulled Aaron’s key from my pocket and practically dragged Spencer to the front door. Aaron had obviously been expecting me as he’d left the latch off so I could simply unlock the door and walk in. Jack was watching a cartoon but his head turned as he heard the door opened and he let out a scream of delight before bolting off the couch.

“Marley! Marley! Marley!” He screamed as he flung himself at me; his little arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me close to him. 

“Hey, baby. I’ve missed you so much! You look so grown up.” I joked as I bent down to envelope him in a proper hug. The gaping hole that had been building up inside me since we’d parted finally felt filled and I grasped him tighter against me. I’d never missed anyone quite as much as I’d missed him; not my Father when I left home or even Spencer when he went away on a case. Jack was my kid, if not by blood then by a bond of love, and I hated being parted from him.

“Don’t we get a hug?” Dave joked and I look up to see him, Aaron and Jesse grinning at us. I pulled away from Jack although he simply wrapped himself around my waist and refused to let go as I hugged the three of them.

“Looking good, sis. Spencer It’s good to see you.” Jesse grinned as he hugged my husband. He’d stayed in town over the summer so he could intern at the BAU which I was sure he loved, I mean he got to spend most of his days near David Rossi’s fountain of knowledge. Aaron had let him have the spare room over the summer, obviously needing at least one Prince in the house at a time.

“How’s Dad?” I asked as I stroked Jack’s head as he pulled on my arm to show me some of the things he’d made since I was away. He was going through a papier-mâché craze at the moment and Aaron had many models scattered around his apartment.

“Good, off in California to see Nicky. Apparently Milo loves it. Of course they wouldn’t have been able to without the bizarre donation.” Jesse stole a quick look at Dave before rolling his eyes at me. Eighteen months ago my Father had lost his job and had been struggling to make ends meet. Of course he’d been too proud to tell anyone until he was about to be kicked out of the apartment; even then it had only come out when Jamie had found paperwork for a loan and phoned me. Dad had put up a fight but Spencer and I were going to give him some money (well it was really Spencer’s money considering my earnings consisted of a Nanny’s wage) when suddenly he got a call from his bank saying a substantial amount of money had appeared in his bank account; someone had made an anonymous payment. He’d ask me to ask my “computer buddy” to try and find out who it was once I’d assured him we didn’t have that kind of money. Her response had been “considering I helped the perp cover it up, I’m hardly going to tell you who it was.”

The smirk on Rossi’s face for the next few weeks said it all.

Needless to say his unbridled generosity had changed my family’s life; after I’d convinced him the money had come from a reputable source he’d used it to move to a better area and put something away for my brothers’ college fund. I’d tried to thank Rossi several times but every time he growled that he had “No Goddamn idea what I was on about.”

“I wish you two would stop smirking. How many times do I have to tell you I have no idea where the money came from!” Dave snarled once he caught our stolen glances which made Aaron laugh. No one ever believed his declarations on the matter. “We have your package.” He told Spencer in a desperate bid to deflect attention away from himself only to earn a pointed, angry cough from Aaron.

“Oh, where is it?” He asked quietly although my eyes had already fallen on a box on the kitchen table. It was a largish rectangular box that seemed to ooze trouble. Instantly I seemed to know that the box would bring bad news for Spencer. I think he felt it too as he slowly peeled each layer of brown paper away. Not daring to rip it, simply peeling the tape away with his nails as if he could procrastinate forever. Jesse, noticing the sudden change in atmosphere as Dave, Aaron and I exchanged nervous glances, asked Jack if he wanted to play a game with him and Jack, also sensing the atmosphere, reluctantly let go of me and followed Jesse.

Spencer finally unwrapped a plain cardboard box with an envelope on top addressed to Spencer in scrawling cursive that looked more akin to Jack’s than an FBI agent. He let out a shaky exhale before tearing into the letter. Aaron’s face was set in a grimace as he popped his knuckles, waiting for Spencer’s verdict. My heart was in my throat, I wanted to hug him tightly but something kept me in place, giving him some semblance of privacy. He read it through quickly, his eyes a blur as they moved across the page, brow furrowed before taking a deep breath and rereading it several times to comprehend it. It broke my heart as he let out a shuddering breath before crumpling the letter and tossing it aside.

“Jack, do you want to play?” He called out as he raced passed us, voice thick as he swallowed back tears.

“I could kill him.” Aaron snarled as he lent down to pick up the single sheet of note paper. He placed it on the counter and began straightening it out so we could read it. All of us wondering how bad it could possibly have been.              

_Dear Spencer,_

_Thank you for your last letter. I’m happy that you’re content and leading a full life. I hope you enjoy married life and experience all the joys it brings. The first few years are truly magical. I hope you make a better job of it than me. I’m sorry I didn’t make the wedding, I thought about it, I just… couldn’t._

_It’s been hard since I left the BAU. I’ve travelled around trying to find some, I don’t know; happiness, solitude. Something to make it all seem worthwhile. I’ve met some amazing people along the way but it hasn’t healed me quite the way I hoped. I guess after everything I’ve seen it would take a lot to sort out the thoughts in my head. I hope you never have to feel like this I really do._

_I hope you still play chess. You were becoming quite the player. I thought you may appreciate a set as a present; maybe you could teach your wife if she doesn’t know how to play._

_As I said at the start of the letter I was glad that I heard from you but I can’t hear from you again. It dregs up too much. I hope you understand Spencer, I know it’s difficult._

_Good luck Spencer._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Jason Gideon_

“It could have been worse.” Dave surmised as we finished the letter.

“I know but it wasn’t what he wanted.” I sighed, knowing how badly he’d wanted Gideon at our wedding; even through the nerves you could tell he was excited to have finally found a reason to go looking for Gideon again, hoping against hope that he'd get his “Father” back. Once again life had dealt him a crappy hand. I left them in the kitchen to find Spencer sat on the floor with Jack and Jesse playing a card game. Jack ran to me once I appeared, obviously deciding that I was fair game now I’d come out of the kitchen.

“Hey baby. What you playing?” I asked him although my eyes never left Spencer who looked on the verge of tears.

“Shed. Jesse taught me while you were gone; it’s great! Do you want to play? Please.” He begged, his hazel eyes glowing in excitement. I’d missed that expression.

“In a minute, I just need a word with Spencer.” I kissed his head even as he pouted in disappointment. “We can play our special hide and seek? By the time you get everything I’ll be ready to play.”

“Yay! You’re the best Marley!” He screamed before running off to find all the duvets in the house; even after all these years it was still his favourite game. After he’d run off I gently leaned down and grasped Spencer’s hand so I could gently pull him up and led him into my old bedroom. He refused to look at me, instead he picked up an odd trinket of mine from my shelf and began playing with it.

“He wrote Spence, it was the best he could do. Some people just can’t give us what we want and we have to accept it.”

“Like your Mum.” He whispered, still not looking at me.

“Yeah. We both got lucky in that department.” I sighed as I moved closer to me and rubbed his back through his shirt. “I’ll never leave you.”

“I know. I know.” He turned in my arms and kissed my forehead. “That’s why I love you.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to.” And I was, all last night I’d prayed to God that Spencer would wake up to some great news from his former boss.

“I know. At least he wrote.” He gave a half-hearted smile that I knew was to try and put my mind at ease. It didn’t fool me but I knew he was trying.

“Just think, you swapped him for Dave, what would we do without that sarcastic voice?” He snorted and kissed me again.

“MARLEY! Come play!” Jack called from down the hallway.

“Go on Marls.” He gave me a light shove towards the door. “I’ll be alright.” Reluctantly I turned towards the door where Jack had appeared, hopping from one foot to another in excitement. Spencer had moved to stare at some of the pictures that hung above my bed, fingering one from last Thanksgiving with our family. 

“Spencer.” I called quietly and he looked up, a faked smiled fixed on his face. “You would have made an amazing son. They’re the ones who missed out. Take it from someone who knows just how special you are.”

“Thank you.” He whispered his eyes focused on a picture of my Father hugging Spencer. “Thank you.”

 


	5. Trust

**5\. Trust**

**“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” ~ Maya Angelou**

**Spencer POV**

I couldn’t sleep; I’d run through Fibonacci sequences for an hour and listed around 50 decimals of pi but I was still wide awake, watching the wall above the windows for the light of any passing car. Marley was snoring softly beside me, the picture of perfection; she’d turned over in the night and was pressed against me, one of her legs intertwined with mine and one arm lay across my chest. I ran a finger down the curve of her spine, memorising each dent. I loved feeling her close to me which seemed ironic because usually I hated being touched. I guessed the more I trusted someone the more comfortable I was with their touch. The unconditional faith I had in Marley allowed me to enjoy, well adore, lying like this with her. Her head moved slightly so that her nose was pressed against the side of my chest, her hot breath tickling my skin. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel beloved that Marley trusted me enough to curl up beside me every night.

My thoughts were still trapped on Gideon. I felt embarrassed that I’d even considered he’d actually come back, that he’d drop everything and return for my wedding. I’d just hoped he would. I knew it was unhealthy living in the past, that I should focus on those who were here now; I guess that was why I hadn’t asked Garcia to track down Elle. Just Gideon because he was different. I guess because I’d never got to say goodbye to him I’d never got closure. Urgh, even in my mind it sounded pathetic.

“You have a family now, a proper family.” I whispered to myself, almost as a reminder. One of the many great things about Marley was that she’d given me a family; her Father was everything you’d want in one and her brothers were the boisterous boys I used to watch from my Mother’s bedroom window as she read to me.

Eventually I switched on the bedside light and picked up one of the many books acquired on our honeymoon, _“The Three Musketeers”_ in French, something to soothe me. I had to focus a little more on the words which I thought might to tire me out. Marley didn’t even stir, just continued sleeping soundly on my chest. I contemplated getting out of bed, maybe make a drink or just wander around the apartment but I was comfortable with Marley on my chest.

I had read several chapters when I felt Marley’s moist lips brush lightly against my chest. At first I thought she’d just moved her head but then another light kiss was pressed against my chest, she languidly moved higher up my body, kissing my exposed flesh until she reached my throat. I stayed stock still as she assaulted my neck with kisses, her warm breath making me shiver as she lounged over me.

“Gideon?” She asked as her eyes finally alighted on mine, concern bleeding through the sleepy film of her chocolate eyes.

“No… I just…. Yes.” I sighed and leaned forward slightly so I could kiss her. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” She moved slightly to the side so the majority of her weight was on the bed all the while maintaining the eye contact that made me feel invincible. “You’ll be tired for your first day back.” She joked quietly the way she did with Jack when he was upset.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Spence don’t apologise. You’re upset and I’m here for you. Fancy a drink?” She offered and I couldn’t help but nod as she grabbed my shirt from the foot of the bed and wrapped it round her shoulders as she hurried from the room. I followed slightly slower, the wooden floor chilling my bare feet as I headed into the darkened hall and followed the dim light to the kitchen. Marley was clinking mugs and hunting in the cupboards for hot chocolate as I entered the room, the dark wooden cupboards absorbing the dim light and making the room even darker than usual. I shivered but pulled Marley close to me, making her laugh.

“Go back to bed.” She kissed my nose before turning back to the sideboard while I admired my wife from behind; the flimsy shirt glowing in the refrigerator light as she bent to find the milk. Despite her order for me to go back to the bedroom I leaned back against the wall and watched her, pretending not to hear her mutter “pervert” under her breath. Once she’d finished making two hot chocolates I grabbed a packet of biscuits from our fully stocked cupboards (the plus for leaving our house key with Garcia) and headed back to the bedroom.

“I wish you didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.” Marley sighed as she leaned her head against my shoulder, nuzzling as close as possible as she blew on her drink.

“I know, as long as I don’t have to go away any time soon.” I groaned, even as I said it I knew I’d jink it. Knowing my luck I’d be away for three weeks in Timbuktu chasing down an Unsub on a killing spree.

“Hmmm, I’ll see you in a few weeks then.” She joked as she opened the biscuit packet. “Jet lag does have its perks.”

“Did you know that our internal timekeeping system is known as the circadian clock and it’s found in the hypothalamus part of the brain. It receives signals from the eyes, telling it whether it's light or dark. According to this information, the hypothalamus tells the nearby pineal gland to secrete or stop secreting melatonin that governs wakefulness and sleepiness. It takes the hypothalamus several days to get used to the new light cues.” I blurted out and she laughed, I knew she loved it when I spouted out facts; one of the few people who did.

“Either way it’s annoying. I’ll be dead by tomorrow afternoon. I’ll have to set Jack to make a papier-mâché White House so I can have a nap.” I laughed and she gave me a coy grin which suddenly turned into a frown. The change in mood shocked me; Marley was usually pretty constant when it came to her emotions.

“Marls?”

“I was just thinking about us… as parents. I’m sorry it was stupid.” She leaned against me and let out a shuddering breath. Her comment momentarily stunned me; we hadn’t spoken about having more children since her miscarriage. It hadn’t been the right time while she was still at school and living with Hotch, but now? Now we were married, maybe things would work out better. They could hardly have worked out much worse.

“We could… I mean if you… Well I mean…. I wouldn’t mind…. Uh… we could try again?” I finally blurted out; face flush with embarrassment for some unknown reason.

“What if it happens again?” She whispered timidly, bringing her legs up to her chest so she could curl up into a small ball.

“We can go back and talk to someone.” I kissed her forehead and felt her fall closer into my embrace.

“Thank you.” She turned to kiss me, a serene smile settled over her face and I felt one tug at mine; feeling at peace with the decision, with the idea of us having a baby. “Thank you.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It felt natural to walk back into the bullpen of the BAU the next morning, the familiar faces of the department nodding hello as I walked in. Anderson and Thompson, two of the lower level agents in the department, appeared from the break room and quickly headed towards me.

“How was the honeymoon?” Anderson asked as clapped my shoulder while I tried not show my discomfort. 

“You picked a good day to come back!” Thompson joked as he took a loud slurp of his coffee; his ginger hair falling into his eyes as he grinned up at me.

“Why?”

“We have a Hollywood actress coming to the BAU. Apparently she’s researching a role or something. Obviously the Director is a fan of her, if you know what I mean!” He winked and waited for me to smile, knowing that sometimes it took me a while to get some of his jokes.

“Oh which one?” I asked although I doubted that I would know their name; it was Marley who read all of the celebrity magazines. I could tell her about it when I got home; one of the lighter tales from the BAU.

“Lila Archer. You know the one who does the beach volleyball show; I don’t know about you but I hope she comes in her costume.” Thompson winked again and let out a bawdy laugh as if to encourage me to see the joke when I failed to laugh.

“Lila?” I asked, probably looking like I had seen a ghost. Lila was coming here? At that moment Derek walked through the glass doors and hurried over to me.

“Did you hear about Lila, Morgan?” Thompson grinned and I knew that it had been the hot topic for conversation among the men in the BAU.

“Yeah, wonder if she’ll recognise you, Reid? We worked a case and the two got a little friendly, if you know what I mean.” Morgan clarified for the other agents, all the while grinning at me.

“Thanks Morgan. I doubt she’ll remember it’s been years. I should get going.” I quickly disentangled myself from the group and headed over to my desk where Prentiss, who hadn’t been around for the whole Lila thing, simply hugged me tightly when I appeared.

“Marriage looks good on you. All tanned and glowing; man now I want a holiday. So give us a brief overview of the honeymoon; not all the juicy stuff, Marley’s promised us that when we go out this weekend.” She joked as she lounged back in her chair and smiled up at me as I blushed; hoping Marley wouldn’t share _all_ our secrets with the girls.

“REID! MY JUNIOR G MAN! I’VE MISSED YOU!” Garcia shrieked as her and JJ hurried towards us before I could answer. I stood up again and allowed myself to be choked in Garcia’s death hold. “You look so grown up! How’s Marley?”

“Good, good. She was half asleep on the couch with Jack when I left.”

“And have you heard about your first love turning up today?” She joked although before I could answer a commotion near the door informed us that Lila had arrived. The familiar blonde wandered through the door with several men who I guessed worked on the show and a tall dark man whose suit gave away that he was an agent, probably hired to show them round and keep them from diverging. It was unusual for people to be shown around like this. Maybe Thompson had been when he said the Director _liked_ Lila. Lila eyes flitted around the room, taking it all in, until they alighted on me. I’d assumed she wouldn’t recognise me but her face lit up and she left her entourage to head towards me.

“Spencer? Spencer Reid. My God it’s been years! I was hoping to see you here.” She smiled at me, her piercing blue eyes lighting up as she hugged me. I responded on autopilot; unused to being hugged so, well, _intimately_ by someone who wasn’t my wife. I looked over her head and noticed the stillness of the bullpen. The last time it had been that quiet was when Rossi walked in for the first time; everyone was gawking at me. I guess they’d been surprised enough when they found out the awkward genius was getting married, let alone that he knew the beautiful Lila Archer. I squirmed and pulled away from her as I caught Hotch watching me from the balcony with a warning glare.

“How… how have you been?” I stumbled as I stared into her earnest face, her presence seemed to take me back to being a shy, awkward twenty four year old rather than the man I’d become.

“Good. Listen why don’t we have lunch today? I’d really like to catch up.”

“I… I don’t know.” I stumbled, sensing that going back over the past wasn’t going to end well.

“Please Spencer.” She smiled brightly up at me and I paused, the answer on the tip of my tongue changing constantly.

“Yes, okay.” I eventually consented. I mean what harm could it do?   

 


	6. Betrayal

**6\. Betrayal**

**“It's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it.” ― Nicole Richie**

**Spencer POV**

I watched as Lila sashayed away and wondered if I’d made the right decision. I mean it was lunch with an old friend, we’d talk and eat and then I wouldn’t see her again. Marley wouldn’t mind. She wasn’t a particularly jealous person, and nor was I. We trusted one another and I’d never do anything to compromise that. Or risk the beating that Hotch seemed itching to give me from the way he was subjecting me to the “Hotchner glare.”

“What did Lila want?” Morgan asked, still looking shocked from Lila’s display of affection in the middle of the bullpen.

“She wants me to go out to lunch with her. I… I said yes but maybe…” I sighed, my mind still torn and I wanted Morgan to help me make a definite decision; not feeling completely comfortable having lunch with another woman no matter what I told myself.

“It’s lunch, Reid. You’re married, not dead. Just humour her; it’s not every day that a beautiful young actress wants to catch up. Go and stop worrying.” He slapped me on the back before heading back to his office; the others following suit until just Prentiss and I were left at our desks.

“Be careful of Blondie, I don’t like the look of her.” She warned before going back to the stack of files in front of her. I did the same although my usual warp speed time was decreased somewhat. It was _lunch,_ for God’s sake. No big deal. So why did I feel so guilty when I looked at the picture of Marley on my desk?

Lila appeared back in the bullpen again at noon and I quickly followed her out the building. Her hair was shorter than before; it fell in light curls around her face and bounced on her shoulders as she walked. We made light conversation as we headed towards one of the nicer restaurants in the area. It was funny, I could remember how I’d felt the first time I’d met her. Lust, rather than love had been the emotion I’d felt. I’d never received interest from a woman before, I’d been too young at school and college to be noticed by girls unless they wanted to Mother me and at the bureau everyone was much too professional. Then I met a beautiful young woman who was attracted to me; even if it was just because of transference. I guess it was what Morgan would describe as “Puppy Love.” I got the difference now I was in love with Marley.

“Are you seeing anyone?” She asked as we waited in line to be seated. It was one an old fashioned Italian restaurant that was a regular haunt of many agents and our annual Christmas party destination.

“Actually I just got married.” I held up my hand for proof and she held my hand in between hers as if inspecting the ring which I found strange; usually only an engagement ring was inspected with such vigour. My band was a simple gold band; no engravings or markings.

“How long?”

“Um… twenty eight days.” She laughed and I smiled, thinking about my wedding that felt like yesterday and years ago at the same time.

“Do you have children?”

“No, um, no not yet.” I stumbled, remembering last night’s conversation.

“My Mother used to say that a marriage wasn’t complete until you had children. Table for two please.” I probably should have run back to the relative safety of my desk at that point but I followed the waiter, noticing the gawking stares and nudges from many of our co- diners as we headed to a quiet booth at the back. I didn’t bother asking whether Lila was with anyone; Marley read all the celebrity magazine’s and the front cover of the one before we got married had shown photos of the very public bust up between Lila and her on and off screen love. That was probably why she was working on a new show.

“How long are you in town?” I finally settled on a safe topic of conversation. Several questions managed to get us through to dessert. We spoke about our lives over the last few years but every time I mentioned Marley her body language altered and she quickly changed the subject. It made me nervous, and also irrationally angry that she didn’t like my wife even though she’d never met her. I decided the best thing I could do was finish dinner and then leave before anything untoward happened.

Once we finished dinner we walked back towards the bureau, Lila chatting about her new role and the possibility of meeting up again. I nodded, we’d talked of keeping in touch before and this was the first time we’d spoken since I’d left LA. I doubted this time would be any different.

“Thanks for today, Spencer. It was lovely to see you again.” She smiled as we stood before the bureau building; about to go our separate ways yet again.

“That’s fine. I… uh… I’m… it was nice to see you again.” I smiled and went to turn into the building when she grabbed my arm; her manicured nails digging into my exposed forearm.  I turned and she smiled at me before suddenly leaning forwards and kissing me. My mind blanked for a second; unused to the intrusive lips against mine. I smashed my hands into her chest to push her away and she stumbled back slightly, her eyes wide in shock.

“I’m married!” I screamed, fury perforating my speech as I turned and raced into the bureau, as if it was my sanctuary. My face felt as if it was on fire as I raced towards the elevator. I’d _cheated_ on Marley, I hadn’t meant too but I’d kissed another woman. I could still feel the unfamiliar lips against my own; fuller than Marley’s and more insistent unlike the passionate, slow burning kisses I was used too. My whole body burned with shame as I practically fell out the elevator and raced down the corridor to find the one person who could help me. Morgan was sat eating a take out burger and flipping through a sports magazine on his lunch break. I was surprised, but glad, that Garcia wasn’t with him.

“Morgan I’ve done something bad.” I gasped breathlessly as I shut his office door and collapsed into one of the black leather chairs opposite his desk.

“Lila?” He asked.

“She kissed me.” I whispered. It sounded even worse when I said it out loud; I’d cheated on Marley after being married to her for twenty eight days! It hadn’t even been a month for crying out loud! Between 30 to 60 per cent of people practiced some type of infidelity and it was the biggest cause of relationship breakdown in the United States. I’d never thought I’d be part of _that_ particular statistic. Imagining the look of hurt on Marley’s face made me feel sick with anguish. I’d let her down.

“Whoa kid, pump your breaks. What happened?” The look of shock on his face was nothing compared to how Marley would react.

“What am I going to do? She’s going to be so upset. I love her and… oh God I am the worst husband. What am I going to do? What…”

“Reid! What happened?”

“I was just saying goodbye and she grabbed me… and then she kissed me. I pushed her off, I swear as soon as I got control over myself I pushed her off.”

“Reid. It’s no big deal.  You…”

“No big deal! I cheated on my wife!” I yelled. 

“You didn’t, Lila kissed you and you pushed her away. You didn’t have sex with her. You love Marley and the fact that you’re sat here on the verge of a panic attack because of this shows your devotion.”

“I doubt Marley will see it that way.” I whispered as I stared at my hands. Morgan’s speech did nothing to cool the burning I felt inside me.

“Don’t tell her.”

“Don’t tell her? She’s my wife I can’t lie to her!”

“What’s the point of telling her? You didn’t want to cheat and you’re not going to do it again. Telling her would just make her feel bad to relieve your guilt.”

“Are you seriously telling me to lie to her?”

“Yes because it doesn’t matter. The only people that know are me, you and Lila. There’s no way that she would ever find out.”

“I can’t Morgan… I can’t lie to her.” I whispered, tears chocking my vocal chords as I realised the situation I’d gotten myself into.

“Telling her will hurt her for no good reason. Reid she doesn’t need to know about this. You didn’t want it to happen. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think it was the right thing to do. Trust me Reid; telling her will hurt her for no reason. Don’t do it, Reid.” I paused, my mind working overtime to weigh up the arguments.

“So I don’t tell her?” I whispered, looking to Morgan for advice. Usually I hated lying and liars; I guess it started with my Father and continued with the job. I seemed to spend my life digging through everyone’s dirty little secrets; it had made me want to have none of my own when it came to marriage.

“No. Just forget about it and focus on your wife.” I nodded but even as I agreed to it my bubbling stomach refused to settle. About as comfortable with the decision as my mind was.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Of course I didn’t have to listen to Morgan’s advice; I was a grown man who was married to Marley. She was my wife and I was the one who was meant to keep her safe. But as soon as she walked through the door that evening I knew I couldn’t tell her. She had a wide grin as she ran up and hugged me round the waist and kissed me. I tried not to squirm as I remembered the last lips on mine. I imagined sitting her down and telling her; the tears, the utter betrayal in her eyes. I couldn’t do it.

“How was your first day, darling?” She asked as she disentangled herself from me to go into the kitchen.

“Uneventful.” I lied quietly watching her loose ponytail swinging away from me.

“I did something today. I mean, it was probably the jet lag but…. I… I just went for it.” She’d turned in the kitchen and was watching my cautiously. “I booked an appointment for us to talk about having a baby. If you still want too?” She looked up hopefully.

I looked up at the hopeful glint as she waited for my reaction, hands clasped together in desperation.  So I smiled and nodded despite the bile tickling the back of my throat that I’d hurt such a beautiful, innocent woman. She shrieked and flung herself at me, hugging me tightly as she whispered a declaration of love in my ear.

_I’m sorry, Marley. I’m so so sorry._


	7. Revelation

**7\. Revelation**

**“So this was betrayal. It was like being left alone in the desert at dusk without water or warmth. It left your mouth dry and will broken. It sapped your tears and made you hollow.” ―** [ **Anna Godbersen** ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/548551.Anna_Godbersen)

**Marley POV**

My fingers shook as we waited in the whitewash hospital corridor, not for the first time wondering what the hell I was doing. Did I _really_ want to risk going through all that again? I could still remember vividly the burning in my stomach as if a hot poker was ripping through my abdomen. But as I watched a woman holding her daughter’s hand as they headed passed us, I wanted that badly. More badly than I’d let onto anyone, even Spence. I loved being a Mom to Jack but I wanted a baby of my own. Spencer suddenly gripped my hand tightly in his and rubbed thumb against mine.

“Thank you.” I whispered quietly and brought our conjoined hands up so I could kiss the fleshy part of his hand between his thumb and first finger. He smiled at me but I could see the fear in his eyes; I guess watching me nearly die hadn’t been too great of an experience for him either.

“Reid.” A middle age Doctor in a navy pinstriped suit that reminded me slightly of Aaron beckoned us to follow him; the stern exterior actually calmed me down as I clutched Spence’s hand and entered a slightly less clinical office than I’d been expecting. “I’m Dr Steinbeck, please have a seat.”

His office was much like Aaron’s with the black leather chairs, large oak desk and bookshelves lined with thick volumes, the only difference being the files on his desks contained medical files rather than cases.

 

“So I’ve read through your notes and I understand that you had an ectopic pregnancy over two years ago, and now you want advice about trying again?” He gave a weak smile that I think was meant to reassure us as Spencer squeezed my hand. “Well, I think that, medically, you’re in a strong position. You’re young, healthy and you’ve waited for a considerable length of time. Some studies indicate that those who wait over two years have a higher rate of a successful pregnancy.”

 

“Do you believe the studies?” Spencer asked.

 

“Sixty five per cent of couples go on to have a successful pregnancy and those that wait on average seem to have more success.” Spencer nodded happily; he was in his element with statistics.

 

“What are the chances of it happening again?” My voice was barely above a whisper as I squeezed Spencer’s hand until one of his knuckles popped. He grasped the top of my hand with his other and rubbed my fingers to calm me down. Managing to not to let out a groan as I clutched him tighter than even I thought possible. 

 

“I understand your fears and I’d love to be able to tell you conclusively that it would not happen again but sadly there is a chance of a repeat. Around one third of women experience a repeat ectopic pregnancy.”

 

“Oh.” I closed my eyes against the wave of nausea at the idea of going through the pain and heartache again.

“That means that two thirds of women go on to have one or more successful pregnancies. You’re young and healthy which makes a big difference. Early detection is the key, that way if you do suffer another ectopic pregnancy it won’t be as… dangerous as the last one.”

 

“But she never…. There were never any signs or symptoms.” Spencer gripped my hand, getting his own back for my earlier bone braking grip; I risked a glance at his face and saw pure unadulterated fear brimming on the surface of his eyes. I wondered what it had been like, watching me fight for life yet again. I remembered back to that dark night in that shackled room as the bullet had thudded down by my head and I’d believed he was dead. I shuddered. That had been the worst part of the whole thing; thinking the love of my life was dead because of me.

 

“It is true that you had an atypical pregnancy but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen again. You weren’t trying for a baby were you?” He surmised and I shook my head in confirmation. “If you’re actively trying you’ll be monitoring yourself and once you’ve tested positive you’ll be referred to our early testing unit for a check-up. If nothing has happened after a year then we will re-evaluate and do some more tests. Don’t worry, Mrs Reid, you’ll be well looked after.”

 

I still clung to Spencer as we left the consult; leaning into his warmth as he quickened our pace towards the outside world. God I hated hospitals.

 

“What do you think?” I asked quietly as we breached the final gateway into the warming early morning air.

 

“I know you’re scared, Baby, but I think, I think it could be alright. If you want too.” He stammered, bouncing my hand in his.

 

“We’d be careful. Two thirds are okay.” I said, nerves clutching at my stomach, pulling at the scars that lined my stomach but not enough to stop me; maternal desire pumping desperately through my veins.

 

“We’ll be careful.” He repeated before pressing his lips gently against mine.

 

“We’re going to do it.” I smiled nervously at him before pulling him in for a deeper kiss. His phone began vibrating in his front pocket. Our appointment had been early in the morning; too early for Morgan or one of the team to be worrying where Spencer was and why he was late. That meant only one thing; a case.

 

“Hotch?” Reid asked, sighing as he pulled me into a hug, resting his chin on my forehead as I breathed in Spencer’s scent; knowing it would be a while before I was with him again. “We’ll be right there.” He disconnected the phone before nudging me gently in the side so I’d look up into his eyes. “It must be bad as we’re briefing on the plane. I need to get you to Hotch’s.”

 

“Be careful.” I whispered before pulling at of his embrace and following him to our beat up car that looked lonely in the large car park. I clung to Spencer’s hand, I really hated his job; the danger, the days and weeks apart. But Spencer loved it, he liked saving people. And really who could begrudge him that?

 

Aaron was worryingly grave as he opened the door, go bag already in hand, he turned back to hug Jack before motioning for Spencer to head out the door. He grabbed my arm as he headed passed me and pulled me close so he could whisper in my ear without Jack hearing. He was the only person that we’d told about seeing a specialist; I felt bad that I put so many of our personal problems on him, but he was my, _our,_ because let’s face it he meant just as much to Spence as he did to me,  surrogate Father. Thankfully he accepted his role in our lives in the same way that he approached every situation; with grim determination and the rare hint of humour. And for that I would always be truly thankful.

 

“Was everything alright?”

 

“Yeah it was okay.” I smile and his face pulled up at the corners into a grim smile.

 

“We’ll talk about this later, I promise but I really have to go.” I nodded and hugged him before watching him walk out the apartment, leaving me alone with Jack who was sat curled up on the sofa, watching the door forlornly. I ran a hand through his soft hair making him look up and give me a tired smile. I remembered Aaron mentioning they’d been to Jess’ last night for dinner so they probably hadn’t got in till late; Jack still got grouchy when he didn’t keep to his bedtime.

 

“Have you had breakfast, baby” I asked as I continued to stroke his hair, watching the colourful cartoons to try and calm myself down; I always hated when they went, the adrenaline pumped through me as I waited for news. I knew it was stupid, they hadn’t even made it to the airstrip but I wanted to know they’d caught him already.

 

“Chocolate chip pancakes?” He turned and offered me a cheeky smile, waking up suddenly at the prospect of a holiday treat. I raised an eyebrow, trying to quell the smile that was tugging at the corners of my lips. He sensed the game I was playing and instantly sprinted to the kitchen, throwing open the cupboard that contained the mixture. “Come on Marley.”

“Coming baby.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I suppose it was a symbol of our married life to come that our first marriage anniversary, two days later, was spent with Spencer on a case. Our fears that the case was bad was sadly proven right; while he never told me much about cases I knew this one was truly horrendous, it had made every bulletin of the national news. Five married men taken in a few weeks. I’d brought it up a few times in our nightly phone calls but he never exaggerated; apart from the rules I guess he didn’t want to drag me into that world. I missed him even more than I thought I would; it felt like I’d gone back in time, sleeping at Aaron’s and looking after Jack. Not that I minded having some quality time with Jack and Jesse; we’d had movie nights, park outings and ice cream for dinner. Usually I wasn’t quite such a benevolent Nanny; during school time I was the usual “Do your homework”, “Brush your teeth”, “Don’t answer back” Mother figure but it was summer and both of us wanted to enjoy ourselves. Today however I was on my own since Jack had a play date with Amelia who he was adamant was _not_ his girlfriend no matter how much we all teased him about it. Amelia’s Mother was one of the meaner parents at Jack’s school which would have clouded my whole morning; there were only so many times you could smile when someone called you “white trash.” Thankfully she also had a Nanny and would be at work until late at one of the big fancy law firms that Aaron had escaped from. I pulled over to the curb and stopped the car but before I got out my phone lit up on the dashboard; I must have left it on silent after the cinema last night.

 “Hey Baby” I grinned; we hadn’t had much time to talk recently so I treasured every phone call.

“Have you spoken to Jesse today?” He sounded panicky, I could hear his harsh breathing down the phone. My blood turned to ice, surely if anything had happened to my brother than I would have heard first. Right?

“No, why?”

“He sent me a death threat.”

“He did what? Why?!” I yelled causing Jack to jump in the seat behind me.

“I don’t know! I just got a text saying I was dead and he won’t answer any of my calls.” I listened to the shudder in his voice; knowing how much he loved my… our family and would never do anything to threaten them. 

“He’s probably still drunk from last night or something; he was staying over at one of his friends places. Either that or they stole his phone. Take no notice, I’ll call him later. Love you baby.”

“Love you too.” I rolled my eyes as I hung up, wondering who else had been on the receiving end of my brother’s drunken mind. I was about to slide the phone in my pocket when I noticed I’d had six missed calls throughout the morning; from everyone from my Dad to Kate. I was about to investigate further, wondering what the hell was going on today, but  Jack was already pulling his seatbelt off, looking forward to spending the day with his friend. I shoved my phone back in my pocket, I was seeing Kate soon enough anyway; we were going shopping and getting some lunch. Something a bit different to keeping a young boy entertained. Jack raced up the white stone steps to the imposing front door but looked apprehensively at me to ring the bell. Despite liking Amelia he wasn’t all too keen on her parents, I wasn’t even sad that he’d picked it up from me. Estelle, a petite Dutch girl with a severe blonde bob was the latest Nanny to grace the residence, there had to have been at least ten in the time I’d lived with Aaron. She was sweet enough and I hoped she’d last longer than the last one; a meagre three months had to have been a record, even in that household.  Estelle opened the door and Jack immediately ran inside to find Amelia, not even a backward glance.

“How was your wedding?” Estelle asked as she led me into the kitchen where Megan, Amelia’s oldest sister was sat reading a pile of celebrity magazines.

“Great thanks, how are you?”

“Good, having a nice time with the children. We’ve been to the park every day this week.”

“We’re going to the cinema on Friday.” Megan piped up as she finished her latest magazine.

“Nice, I wouldn’t mind that myself.” I joked. “What’s happening in the celebrity world then?”

“Not much really. Lila Archer’s on the front page of almost every one kissing some man, he’s cute though.” Megan giggled. “They were friends before by the sound of it; he’s been photographed with her before. After she had the nut- job stalker.”

The floor seemed to fall out from under me. The threat, the random phone calls. _Please don’t be true. He wouldn’t… he couldn’t do this._ He was one of the good guys. The _best_ guy. He wasn’t going to kiss someone else one month after we married. I couldn’t look at the stack of magazines. Partly out of fear and partly out of denial. I knew, _knew,_ he wouldn’t do that. So what was the point of looking because it would be some random man. Not my husband.

Not Spencer.

But….

“I’m ah… I’m really sorry but I’m late. I’ll pick Jack up later. Bye.” I practically raced from the house. Trying not to cry because it wasn’t him, it wasn’t Spencer. I was just being paranoid. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t. I slid into the car, tears blurring my vision as I gulped back a sob. _Don’t be stupid, it’s not him!_ I wrenched my phone from my pocket to find three new calls. At that point I would have preferred to hear something truly horrendous; car accident, missing person. Anything but the betrayal that was trying to force its way to the forefront of my mind.

“Please tell me it’s not him Dad. Please tell me.” I begged without so much as a hello.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so so sorry.”

 

 

 


	8. Vodka

**8\. Vodka**

**“We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.” ―** [ **David Sedaris** ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2849.David_Sedaris)

**Marley POV**

I grabbed the cold glass and downed the translucent liquid in one go, almost gagging at the putrid taste that burned its way down my throat. I poured another one and downed it, still gagging but feeling warmer as I finally leaned forward and grabbed the magazine I’d made Kate bring over. I took a deep breath and turned it over to the front cover. A sob tore itself from my throat as I was confronted with the hideous truth. I recognised the blue stripped shirt; I’d ironed it the night before his first day back at the office. The night before we’d spoken about having a baby; moving on with our lives. _Jesus Christ!_ The beautiful blonde’s face was obscured, her lips locked on my husband’s. I gagged before pouring another drink and downing it; ignoring the furtive glances between Kate and Jesse. Instead focusing on the warmth spreading through me from the alcohol. I knew it was a bad idea; I was such a lightweight but the idea of being unable to think or feel sounded perfect. I flicked to the main article; noting the picture of Lila’s first meeting with my husband before focusing on his latest tirade; Christ did they really need _that_ many pictures of this kiss? My eyes were drawn to the final picture of Spencer fleeing back into the building, _“trouble in Paradise?”_ the caption underneath read. Oh there would be trouble in Paradise, he just had to wait till he got home.

I’d kill him.

Slowly.

Humiliation burned as my phone buzzed with yet another message from someone else who had seen the messages, apparently it had reached the whole of America _apart_ from my husband, someone else who wanted to assess the piss poor state of my marriage. I checked the number, _Sean Hotchner,_ but let it go to voicemail. The only person I wanted to talk to, _scream at_ was more appropriate, was my husband. I knew it would take him a while to find out, especially when they were on a case, Garcia would probably find out first from someone in the office. Then all hell would break loose. Unless he didn’t care about the state of our marriage. He hardly seemed concerned about his vows when he was brazenly kissing a hot model in front of his frigging office.

“Let’s go out tonight.” I said suddenly, noticing that Jesse had moved the vodka bottle back to Aaron’s drink stand.

“Marls.”

“Come on, _he’s_ allowed to have some fun but what I have to sit in like a 1950’s housewife?” I spat at my brother, ignoring the shuffling of his feet as he looked hopefully at Kate for back up.

“We can stay here and have a drink. Watch some movies and forget about everything.” Kate offered as she gently grasped my forearm. They were both treating me like a wild animal that was about turn round and take their arms off. I guess I was, although it wasn’t either of them I wanted to chew out.

“I want to forget. I want to drink until I can’t remember my name and then meet some handsome man who makes my _husband_ look like a weed and then I want to do things to him that I shouldn’t speak about in front of my brother.”

“You’re not doing that.”

“I wasn’t asking for your permission, Jesse.” I snarled. “If I remember rightly you were the one who threatened to kill him!”

“I know and trust me the next time I see him he’ll wish he’d never been born but I’m not letting you self-destruct to punish him. You deserve better.” Tears trickled down my cheeks and I leaned against my brother as he wrapped his arms protectively around me. It had been a long time since my little brother had cuddled me like this; he had filled out a little since then, his muscles more defined as he squeezed me tightly. I began sobbing uncontrollably, how could it all have gone so wrong so quickly? Jesse continued to rub my back as the only intelligible word I could produce was _why._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

He final called two hours later. The three of us had been sat in silence after I’d finished hysterically sobbing into his chest. The poor sod would probably need several years of therapy to make up for the crap I’d just unleashed on him. I stared at the number, wondering what to say. Should I scream? Threaten? Or just hang up? In the end the only thing I could get out was “Why her?”

“Marley I’m sorry but it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“Why her?” I repeated ignoring his clichéd start. Surely someone who lied for a living could come up with something better than that?

“She kissed me.”

“I have many magazines that prove otherwise.”

“I pushed her away!” He screamed down the phone, causing me to jump. I guessed he’d had to explain it to several pissed agents already. He took a shaky breath and continued more quietly “I swear to you baby. I swear on your life. I love you.”

“You pushed her away, huh? It’s funny that that’s the one thing there isn’t a picture of.”

“I know. I know it’s just the angle of the shot. I pushed her away and then ran inside. There’s a picture of that.” He added desperately. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I’m not your baby.” I couldn’t believe how bitter I sounded. I suddenly had a flashback to my parents arguing right before she left. Dear God please tell me this hadn’t turned me into my Mother?

“Please, I’m coming home on the next flight and we’ll talk about…”

“You can come home on whatever flight you want but I’m not speaking to you anytime soon.”

“Marls pl….” I snapped the phone shut and threw it across the room in frustration. Jesse, finally decided to cut me some slack and passed me a glass, not stopping me as I poured something, I’d given up working out what was what, and downed it.

“He reckoned she kissed him and he pushed him off as soon as he could.” I looked desperately at my companions, not knowing whether I wanted them to agree or disagree with them.

“There’s no picture of that. He works as a professional liar, Marls. I’m sorry but you don’t go out with a blonde actress and expect an innocent drink.” Kate glowered at Jesse for his tactless answer but I knew he was right. Why did it have to be with the one woman I couldn’t find and smash in the face?

I reached for the cool metal rings around my finger and twirled it round, remembering how loved and special they used to make me feel. Bile rose in my throat now as I touched them. How much had been real? We’d hardly got together in the most normal of circumstance; I mean he’d seen how fragile I was after Jon. Maybe he thought I’d try to kill myself again if he left. Maybe he’d felt trapped. I wrenched the two rings from my fingers and left them on the cluttered table, next to the open magazine, and picked up the empty glass.

“I need a drink.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Thankfully that was one of the last things I remembered from the night. The world swam into sickening, lurching view the next morning where I was curled up on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, my head lying on one of Aaron’s rolled up blue towels. I closed my eyes against a sickening wave of nausea and took a deep breath through my nose, trying to remember what happened last night. I remembered the first few glasses of brandy but after that it got a little hazy. Sadly _why_ I was so drunk was still burned into my mind. Once I was sure moving wasn’t going to cause another wave of nausea I reached out for the glass of stagnant water and pills that had been left beside the door. Once I’d downed them I turned the shower on high and stepped into the burning spray. I closed my eyes and leaned against the tiled wall as the water began to make me feel more human. The water ran across my skin like burning tears, diligently following the route that my real tears had been following all last night.

I wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror and stared at my reflection; knowing it was a bad idea but unable to resist seeing quite how bad I looked after last night. It was bad, even after my shower I looked like death warmed up, but all I could do was compare myself to Lila. My dark wet hair stuck to my neck, the curly frizz not yet appearing, as I thought of Lila’s glowing blonde locks. I wondered whether her perfect completion and stick thin body was Photoshop or simply a Hollywood lifestyle; either way I had neither. Then there were the scars that crisscrossed across my body from my many run-ins with hospitals over the last few years. I sighed, my musings having undone any good that the shower had, before leaving the bathroom and sprinting (as fast as one can when they have the champion of all hangovers) to my room to throw something on. The last thing Jesse needed was to see me semi-naked.

The smell of mac and cheese floated down the hallway as I pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail while trying not to think of Lila Archer for one freaking second. I headed down the hall, the smell settling my stomach slightly, to find Jesse sat bolt upright like a guard dog waiting for my appearance. His head swerved towards the kitchen and I followed his gaze to find a dishevelled Aaron watching me warily. I felt a sudden need to apologise profusely for everything the way I used to when I was a teenager and my Dad caught me doing something I shouldn’t have done.

“You look better than you did at three this morning.” I squirmed under his gaze but felt marginally better when he held up a plate of my favourite food.

“You caught him?” It was a stupid question, he wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t but I wanted to break the tension.

“I put him off coming over last night, thought it was for the best.” He put the plate down and hugged me tightly. I leaned against him, my head still reeling from last night. “You owe me a new drinks cabinet I think.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” I mumbled before turning my attention back to the food.

“He’s in pieces, Marls, says he went for lunch to be nice to her and she kissed him. Morgan told him not to say anything. Said it was a mistake and he shouldn’t upset you about nothing. Needless to say he’s regretting it now.”

“So what he just decided to _lie_ to me? And what you think he deserves my sympathy?” I snapped and Aaron took a step back.

“Trust me, he’s got no sympathy from me.” Aaron’s eyes glinted dark, the way they did when he got exceptionally angry. The last time I’d seen it was during our argument after Emily returned from the dead. A tiny morsel of my psyche felt sorry for my husband who’d had to squirm under that glare all evening.

“I’m going out.” Jesse announced suddenly, throwing himself off the back of the sofa and racing to the door.

“Bye,” I muttered, not really paying attention to my strange baby brother, focusing back on my boss. “What did he say?”

“He said he loves you and that he’s going to spend the rest of his life making it up to you.” I snorted, I mean how clichéd was that?

“You’re my profiler buddy, do you think he’s telling the truth?”

“I hope so.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Spencer POV**

 It wasn’t the first argument we’d had where Marley had spent the night at Hotch’s. Hell we’d had some explosive arguments over the years that had ended with Marley storming out with the immortal last words “I’m never coming back” but the next morning one of us would cave and apologise. This time I wasn’t so sure she would come back. We had the morning off seeing as we hadn’t got in until the early hours but for once I could do with the distraction of paperwork. Aaron had made it perfectly clear that if I went within a hundred miles of his apartment he’d take out a restraining order. I wanted to call her, to promise my wife that what had happened was a one off, the biggest mistake of my life. Christ it had felt like the world had collapsed in on itself when Garcia had phoned me and asked _“what the hell are you doing kissing some skank on the front cover of_ every _magazine when you have the best girl in the world at home? She’s going to kill you and I’m going to video it and put it on YouTube!”_

I sat on the edge of the sofa and brought my legs up so I could curl up into myself; wanting to be small. What was I going to do if she never forgave me? What if I lost her over _that?_ Over Lila? The sudden angry insistent knocking brought me back to the present. Maybe Marley was ready to talk? Hopefully I jumped up and practically sprinted over to the door. I was stupid, I should have seen the signs, but I was too desperate for good news that I threw open the door without checking to see who it was.

I was rewarded with a violent punch. I stumbled backwards, the room spinning as I hit the floor, blindly looking up to search out my attacker. My eyes eventually swam into focus on Jesse looming over me, baseball bat in hand. For the first time I understood what Marley meant when she spoke of the dangerous, angry little brother she’d had before Jonathon had made him grow up much too quickly.

“Jesse.” I begged as I tried to scrambled along the floor, my head still spinning from the first punch.

“I’m going to make you wish you’d never hurt my sister.”    


	9. Goodbye

**9\. Goodbyes**

**“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.” ― Nicholas Sparks,**

**Spencer Reid POV**

“Jesus Christ Reid!” Morgan exclaimed as I spat yet more blood into the kitchen sink. I leaned heavily against the counter. My sides burnt from the blistering attack minutes earlier. Jesse had been like a thing possessed, I’d managed to put in a few punches to try and buy some time but I’d never been the best fighter and Jesse had been taking lessons from Morgan. Plus he had a baseball that smashed into my side, just missing my ribs but blasting the wind out of me as I fell back against our hardwood floor. I whimpered, waiting for the inevitable blow that would knock me unconscious. Or break some ribs. A blow came alright, but it didn’t land on me. Morgan’s fist smashed into Jesse and sent him flying into the coffee table. He hadn’t lost his mind enough to try anything against Morgan, merely panting on the floor and glaring at me. That was where he’d remained since Morgan had pulled me up and taken me to the sink. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” I mumbled although my chattering teeth and blood choked throat making it almost indistinguishable.

“Have you called the police?” Morgan asked as he pressed his hand against my chest, checking for any injuries. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Jesse straighten up a little, fear floating through his eyes at the thought of being arrested.

“Why?” I muttered, downing a glass of water and wincing as it forced its way down my bruised throat.

“Why? The guy broke into your home and beat seven shades out of you! Kid, if you’d slept with Lila it wouldn’t warrant that.” He snarled focusing on Jesse as he spat out each word. Jesse sat up a little straighter and glowered at Morgan, arrogant kid actually thought he could stare down Morgan. Needless to say he was the first to look away.

“I call the police it’ll end any chance he has of getting into the bureau. My mistake might have cost me my marriage; it shouldn’t cost him his career.” Morgan looked like he was about to argue, as did Jesse who looked like he wanted to continue the fight. Morgan grabbed his phone from his pocket and pressed several buttons, muttering “relax, I’m not calling them” before pressing the phone to his ear as Jesse and I waited with baited breath.

“Hotch, it’s Morgan. You need to get over to Reid’s and pick up Marley’s guard dog.” He turned to Jesse, covering the receiver with his hand. “When he’s done with you, you’re going to wish I called the police.” 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The sound of the door squeaking open made all of us swivel round, unnaturally nervous that someone else had come to take a swing at me. Jesse had sat silently glowering since he’d heard that Hotch was coming; I knew it was only an attempt to hide his nerves. Even Jesse wasn’t stupid enough to think he could stare Hotch down. No dressing down I’d ever gotten, even after the Owen Savage debacle, would match what was coming his way. Especially not when it wasn’t Hotch who came all guns blazing into my apartment but my fuming wife. She pushed a strand of black hair behind her ear, she looked pale, unwell even; the dark glasses she’d pushed onto her head suggested she’d turned to drink last night. I winced, drink wasn’t exactly her strong point.

“Christ.” She whispered as she eyed me up; usually when I came home battered and bruised she’d run at me, gently stripping me of bloodied clothes, kissing my wounds and curling up with me until I stopped shaking, until the nightmares went away. Now she coldly eyed me from the doorway; if I thought the pissed voice last night had been bad but seeing the hurt written all over her face killed.

“You need to control that brother of yours. Just because the two of you have some problems it doesn’t mean you can release him like some pet Rottweiler. He honestly thinks he can join the bureau with that kind of attitude?” Morgan angrily snarled and I gripped his arm tightly to try and stop him; tearing a strip of Marley would hardly get me back in her good books. Jesse looked like he was about to argue but Marley turned and sent him a glare that somehow managed to trump the one she’d greeted me with and he shut his mouth with an audible snap.

“Don’t worry, I’ll speak to him. I did _not_ use my brother like a ‘pet Rottweiler,’ if I wanted to kick his ass I’d do it myself. And let’s not forget why he was pissed off last night, hey Spence?” She glowered in my direction and I squirmed, wishing that I was anywhere else.

 “Marley, she kissed me. I swear to God, I only lied because…”

“…Because Morgan told you too. Aaron told me your juvenile excuse. I mean seriously? How old are you? We’ve had food in our fridge longer than any of his relationships and you honestly thought taking marital advice from him was a good idea?!” She shrieked, her voice rising up an octave into the tone she reserved for special fights.

“That’s unfair.” Morgan snapped although he quickly shut up when I shot him a pointed look.

“It doesn’t matter. I just came to get Jesse and speak to Spencer not have an argument about your morals.” Morgan held up his hands while Marley silently headed passed her misfit brother and headed down the hallway towards our bedroom. Wordlessly I followed her. She’d already sat herself down on our bed, I hadn’t made it yet, and ran her hands over the ruffled sheets while I stood clicking my knuckles waiting patiently for the verdict. Her eyes flicked around the room, taking in the home we’d build ourselves a year ago. Pictures were spread on every surface of the room and our favourite books lined one of the walls. I loved this room, I didn’t even need a light on to sleep in here.

“I’m sorry about Jesse, don’t worry he’s dead when we get home. He should never…”

 “It doesn’t matter. I deserved it, I just want to speak with you Marls.” I finally moved to sit beside her and reached out a shaking hand to touch her bare shoulder. She flinched against the contact and I was transported back to our first meeting where I’d shied away from every touch.

“I love you. I love you so much that I let it blind side me, Spence. I trusted you unconditionally and this is what happened…”

“You _can_ trust me. I swear to God… no, I swear on your life, the most important thing to me, that it was a mistake. Fine, you don’t believe me when I swear on your life, I’ll swear on my Mom’s, on Jack’s, on anyone and everyone that I love because you mean the most to me. Without you I don’t know what I’d do. Marley please.” I begged, my legs actually shuddering as if wanting to go down on my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

“Do you remember the first night of our honeymoon? In that little hotel in Venice where we kept the curtains open and watched the stars. I was curled up on your chest, half asleep and I’d never felt so safe in all my life. I want that feeling back. I want to look at you and feel as if the whole world could explode and I wouldn’t give a damn if I was with you. Instead I’m sat here picking up my idiotic brother who tried to murder my husband.” She barked out a laugh but the tears that were desperately trying not to break over her eyelid told me that she was a millimetre away from cracking. Well so was I.  The tears were already streaking down my face and catching on my neck as I wrapped my arms around my chest. I was going to kill Lila. And myself for good measure.

“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Just give me one more chance. Please.” I choked out, knowing my time with her was quickly running out and desperately trying to make the most of it.

“I know. I need to go. Just give me some time.” She smiled sadly, the first time she’d properly looked me in the eye since she’d got there. I wished she hadn’t. It felt suddenly different; we didn’t feel connected any more. It felt like I was looking at a stranger. She stood up but before leaving she bent and pressed a kiss to my temple. The familiarly moist lips made my heart flutter but I resisted the urge to grab her and pull her back to me. “Bye Spence.”

I stayed sat on our marital bed as my wife walked out the door. I leaned back until I hit the mattress and let the tears fall; knowing there was nothing else I could do at this point in time. 

“You want to know something Marley?!” Morgan’s yell startled me from the desolation of my own thoughts and I jumped off the bed, racing towards the living room where it seemed my best friend was determined to ruin any chance I had with my wife. “You want to know some home truths? I think deep down you believe him. You _know_ he didn’t mean to do anything with her, she was some jumped up movie star who thought she could get anything she wanted. No, you’re angry because you’ve been _humiliated._ You think everyone’s laughing at you and you’ll look weak if you just accept what happened and don’t punish him but you won’t. He didn’t mean to do it so stop punishing him.”

“I’m sorry that my marital problems are bothering you so much but why don’t you let us work it out, hey? You really think I’m so self-obsessed that I’m only bothered because people are laughing at me? I’m pissed because my husband kissed another woman. Yes the fact _everyone_ knows is not helping but it’s not my biggest issue right now!”

“I’m sorry. I never meant any of this.” They both jumped when they heard me; too engrossed in their own argument. It seemed ridiculous really that Marley was arguing about our marriage with _Morgan_ rather than me. 

“I know, maybe you are. And _maybe_ I’ll forgive you but not today and not right now. Take care of those cuts okay?” She sighed, her hurt eyes glistening in the morning light before turning and walking out the door.

She didn’t need to say the “I’m never coming back” this time. I already knew.   


	10. Break

**10\. Break**

**“The priority of any addict is to anaesthetise the pain of living to ease the passage of day with some purchased relief.”  ― Russell Brand**

**Spencer Reid POV**

 “Maybe you should tell her the truth about the money?” Rossi offered as a solution about a week after Marley had walked out. 

“I doubt that would go down well. You hate me but I gave your family money so please take me back. I also doubt the fact I’ve lied to her even more than she knows would help my case.” I sighed as I leaned back against the hard chair in the restaurant as we waited for the rest of the team.  I thought back to the deal I’d made with Rossi, when he’d agreed to match what I made in Vegas. Marley and I had been planning to visit my Mother for a few days in the summer but the night before we were due to leave Jack had been taken to hospital with appendicitis so Marley had stayed behind. My first day there my visit with my Mother hadn’t gone exactly to plan; she’d thought I was John Donne and had spent the day asking me about my metaphysical poetry. It had been the worse my Mother had been in a long time so I’d gone to the casino to blow off steam; even with alcohol flowing through my veins I was coherent enough to put a substantial dent in the casino’s holdings. So inebriated self had called Rossi and asked him to match whatever I brought back. Surprisingly he’d taken pity on his drunken co-worker and agreed. So I spent every night at random casinos playing the tables until the security guards began giving me dirty looks. It had worked, probably a bit too well for Rossi but he held up his side of the bargain, even dealing with Garcia and the transaction. Once again one of the team covering for me, yeah, Marley would love that story right now.

“No,” he snorted. “When you put it like that I guess it doesn’t sound great. Reid, she’ll come round. I remember my second wife, we had some explosive arguments. I remember once I missed our anniversary when I was working a case and she gave me hell for two weeks but eventually she came round, with the help of a Tiffany’s bracelet and some well-timed grovelling.”

“How long was that before you got divorced?” I muttered and Rossi squirmed under my gaze. Great, the only person who could relate was someone who’d been divorced three times. Great omen there. I thought about his suggesting, high class jewellery, I hadn’t tried that yet. Normally Marley didn’t like people trying to buy her favour but maybe now was the time to start. Flowers might be a good start, I mused although even as I began to dial our local florist I knew it wouldn’t work. Marley would probably bin them, or even burn them for good measure.

“JJ!” I called out as I noticed the rest of the team walking in. We’d split up to canvas the area and speak to the families before we met back at the hotel. We were staying in one of the better hotels for once; it even had a restaurant on the ground floor which we’d taken to eating many of our meals in. The case was a serial arsonist but so far there had been no loss of life, making it one of our lighter cases. It was one of the cases we were given to keep us from completely losing our minds. I couldn’t say I wasn’t grateful; I could have done without a sadistic serial killer while trying to work through my marriage crisis. The rest of the team squeezed into the booth at the back of the restaurant we’d scoped out as our own the first night we’d arrived a place where we could watch the coming and goings and talk about the case. Hotch hadn’t arrived with the rest of the party but I knew he’d been working with Emily who was currently breaking into the bread basket next to me, so I assumed he was in the lobby somewhere talking to Jack. He appeared twenty minutes later as our food began to arrive, pocketing his blackberry as he passed the bustling waiters towards our table.

“How was Jack?” JJ asked as she began wrapping spaghetti around her fork, children were a safe topic of conversation. Hearing some random story about one of the kids could always raise a smile around the table, especially in the middle of a case. Pictures of Henry’s birthday party had kept us going through a particularly gruelling case in New Orleans a few weeks ago. 

“He’s fine; they went to the cinema today. Marley said… she said that they were going out for dinner with Jessica tomorrow.” He finished quickly; bringing up Marley was a sore point at the minute. After the first day where I snapped at anyone who mentioned Marley or Lilia or relationships in general the team had decided the best thing to do was pretend she didn’t exist. Things had got so dire that even Hotch had given up giving me a hard time and was merely ignoring the whole event.

“Is she okay?” I whispered, fully aware it would change the mood of the table but unable to stop myself from trying to find out about my wife. I missed her and any bit of news I could get my hands on was like gold dust to a ‘49er.

“She’s not filed for divorce yet.” He offered bluntly which earned him a pointed cough from Emily and a glare from Morgan. “She’s coping.”

“Good.” I murmured. God, I needed to do something; the longer I left this, the worse it was going to get. JJ smiled slightly at me as we began eating again; going back to pretending my wife didn’t exist.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Hi Marley, I know we were spending some time apart but I miss you. I love you. Can we please speak when I get back? Bye.” I sighed as I slid the phone shut and leaned my head against the metal frame. She hadn’t answered any of my calls since that day and I doubted she’d change her mind anytime soon but I couldn’t help it. I lived in hope that one day she’d answer. The door to the hotel room opened and Morgan walked in yawning hugely. It had been a long day and we’d be up before dawn tomorrow; the perks of being a profiler.

“I’m beat. You alright, Kid?”

“Soon I would have spent more of my married life separate from my wife than with her. You know the thing I loved about Marley was how simple it was. We just _fit_ together, and now nothing’s working.”

“Reid, I know Marley had a point about me not having much in the way of long term relationship experience but I know you’ll work it out. You’re going to have hundreds more fights like this one.”

“You’re not exactly painting the best picture of marriage.”

“You chose to get married.” He laughed before turning serious again. “There’ll be many more happy moments than crappy fights.”

“Thanks.” I muttered but before either of us could say anything more JJ was bashing on our door screaming that there had been a fire _and_ abduction and we had to leave. Now. Despite being exhausted only a second earlier, the adrenaline was already pumping in Morgan’s body, and he lunged up, grabbing his jacket and gun as he headed for the door. I followed close on his heel, like the diligent little brother I’d always been to him.

Hotch was racing down the hallway, angrily muttering about why the hell the Unsub had changed his MO _now_ and how the hell he’d managed to start another fire with the whole community on high alert. Kidnapping was certainly nothing we’d considered in the profile. Emily was already in the lobby speaking to one of the lead detectives who already had an armful of papers on the missing person.

“This is sixteen year old Michael Woods, he was taken from his home before his house was set on fire. His parents managed to escape but they’re en route to the hospital.”

“This has got to be personal.” Emily muttered as she focused on the picture of the missing boy. Suddenly our lighter case had got a whole lot darker. Hotch began barking out orders, not even slowing down as he headed for the line of SUVs in the car park. I raced after him, shaking with adrenaline as my mind began working overtime; racing through statistics that may help save a boy the same age as my little brother. _Marley’s_ little brother, I suppose since none of them had answered my calls in a week. Morgan smashed his fist against the wheel as I slid into the passenger seat.

“What the hell does he want a kid for?”

“Nothing good.” I whispered, the nervous energy in my stomach twinged at the dark turn the evening had taken. Morgan followed the instructions of the GPS as we headed towards the scene of the latest fire. The house was still smouldering with several fire engines blocking the road as dozens of men streamed round yelling orders to one another.  The cops had already cordoned off the scene and several offers were spread throughout the street questioning nervous neighbours.

“It must be personal.” Morgan muttered as he jumped out of the front seat and swerved passed the milling crowds to the front of the cordon.  “Maybe he was what it was all about. Maybe Michael was the reason the unsub started all of this.”

“We profiled that the Unsub was in his early to mid-twenties, he might have met Michael at school. They may have just overlapped.” Hotch began as Emily and he raced towards us with Rossi swerving into an impromptu parking space at the top of the road.

“According to Garcia Michael Woods played football at his local community centre, could have met him there. Get Garcia to use the parameters of the profile and compare it to a list of members of his school and clubs. We need to find him and fast.” Morgan began dialling for Garcia before Hotch had even finished his list of requirements.

“Did any of the neighbours actually _see_ him being taken?” I asked quietly as the rest of the team gave me a questioning stare. “We profiled that the Unsub had issues with parental figures and the fires have been escalating in frequency, we knew he was getting towards the source of his rage. Maybe this was it. Maybe Michael is the unsub.”

“According to the reports no one witnessed him leave. They just saw the whole family enter the home and only the parents were brought out. Reid could be right.” I sighed, I really didn’t _want_ to be right; young unsubs were always the worse. So much wasted potential. Children should be innocent, not the monsters of the piece. There was usually some bad parent, some horrendous high school experience, some _thing_ that had turned them into killers. And yet those people always got to walk away scot free.

“Either way we need to find Michael. From what we’ve heard football was his passion. Morgan and Reid go to the community centre, check round and see if you can speak to the coach. JJ organise a press conference, we need to get his picture circulated. Someone knows where he is.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Jeez this makes my community centre look nice.” Morgan grimaced as we wandered through the changing rooms of one of the most downtrodden buildings I’d been in in a long time. I was about to comment when an echoing footstep bounced off the tiled walls. Morgan lifted his gun and I copied, turning to the right slightly so I could protect his side as he moved forwards. The footsteps continued but the tiled walls distorted the sound so the direction of the source was unintelligible. As we passed a leaning red locker row a shadow slid across the shattered window and I spun round, catching a glimpse as it flew passed me.

“FBI! Freeze!” Morgan and I screamed in union before racing after the shape.

“FBI?” A quiet voice called out as the shadow slid away from the walls and Michael Woods materialised in the dim light of the room. “Please help me. He’s a psycho, please.” He whimpered.

“Of course.” Thankfully I’d been wrong about Michael, the poor kid looked terrified. I lowered my gun and headed towards him.

“Reid.” Morgan snapped.

“He’s scared. Where did he go?” I asked as I leaned a hand out to comfort him. He grabbed it, but used it to spin me round into a choke hold. I spluttered in his grasp as I stumbled, trying desperately to free myself as a gun was pressed against my temple.

“Well you _are_ an idiot. How did you even get in the FBI?” He sneered and I couldn’t help but agree with him. I mean I was the one who’d suspected him in the first place and I’d walked into the scared child ploy. I seriously deserved whatever was coming next.

“It doesn’t have to end this way, Michael.” Morgan warned, gun pointed right at Michael. The kid was holding me slightly to the side, enough of a gap that I knew Morgan would take the shot if he had to. “You let him go and we can all walk away from this.”

“What walk right into a detention facility? I don’t think so. I’m going out in a blaze of glory and so is your friend.” He flicked the safety off and I knew what was coming. It just depended on who fired first.

And how good a shot they were.

The shot was ear splitting, making the whole world shake and twist sickeningly as I smashed into the concrete floor. Marley’s face swam into my mind for a second, maybe I even called out for her but I had no idea. Everything was clouding into my mind until I couldn’t tell reality from fantasy. Morgan’s voice sounded so far away, as if I’d fallen down a deep dark tunnel. A pinprick of shadowy light hovered across my eyes before darkness obliterated everything.

I must have passed out for a minute before the next thing I knew Morgan was shaking me, an air of desperation making him too forceful so my shoulders were repeatedly slammed into the concrete floor. I grasped his forearm and tried to make him stop.

“I’m okay.” I gasped, feeling a sticky substance dripping down my cheek and into my shirt. Answering the question on the tip of my tongue.

“I had too.”

“I know.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

Morgan had had to kill him.

He’d had to kill him because I’d let my guard down. I hadn’t followed protocol and now a kid was dead. He might have been a screwed up kid but he was still a child. Still a kid the same age as Jamie. I’d been the one who worked out he was the unsub. If I’d stuck to my beliefs, followed the evidence then we’d have taken him down safely.

Instead he was in a body bag, Morgan was down in the gym working out his rage because he’d had to kill the kid to save my sorry ass and Hotch was fielding calls from Strauss on why we’d made headline news through the whole sorry mess. And me? I was sat in the dark in our tiny bathroom fingering the vial of dilaudid I’d swiped from the hospital.

The needle and my phone lay by my bare feet as I stared transfixed at the cloudy liquid. It would help me forget. Help me forget Marley, Michael, Morgan. I seemed to cause devastation wherever I went. Just a few hours wouldn’t hurt, a few hours to forget. I wouldn’t do it again, just this once. Just one time for a little crutch.

One time.

It wouldn’t hurt.

One time.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Confessions

**11\. Confessions**

**“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli**

**Marley POV**

Any phone ringing at two in the morning was never a good sign. My phone ringing at two in the morning, well, that usually involved a life or death trip to a hospital where someone had been shot and was fighting for life. I grabbed the phone as it shuffled along the desk with the force of the vibrations. I didn’t bother to check the caller ID, my lurching stomach desperate to know who was injured and how badly.

“What’s happened?” I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended, tinged with both anger and anxiety as I waited for the latest saga to befall us. My heart was constricted painfully; _please don’t be Spencer, please._  

“Nothing… I… ah… I just… I’m craving and I know I shouldn’t have called you but… I... ah… I need help.  Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” My husband’s tired, plaintive cry for help made my blood run cold. I slammed the light on and began reaching for the jeans I’d discarded on the floor by my bed, half forgetting that he was miles away and not just down the road.

“Wait. Wait, its okay.” I cried out as I heard rustling on the other end, as if he was going to hang up. “Why did they start?”

“There was this boy. A kid, the same age as Jamie, he was the unsub and I got caught… and Morgan had to shoot him to save me.” A sob cut off the rest of his tirade and I wanted to hug him; nothing else mattered anymore. He sounded broken, exactly the way he had after Emily, the last time his cravings had been bad. The weight of realisation slammed into me with the force of a bus as I remembered _why_ he’d called last time. The last time he’d felt that way he’d found a dealer….

But he couldn’t know anyone where he was. Could he?

“Spence, I’m not angry but you have to tell me if you have anything with you.” I grabbed a sweater and headed out into the hallway, I didn’t care if I had to drive all night I was going to get to him. The pregnant pause on the end of the line told me all I needed to know; Christ this was _all_ my fault.

“Ok, ok just don’t do anything stupid. Please baby don’t touch it, not because of some kid and not because of me. Please just talk to me. Tell me the profile.” I knew it was the only thing that would work. Cold hard logic would break through his emotions better than any plea I made right now. I scribbled Jesse a note and left it on the fridge, the first place his bottomless stomach would take him in the morning, before heading out the door and sprinting down the hall, taking the steps two at a time as I listened to his scrambled breaths as he pulled his thoughts together.

“There’d been seven arson attacks over a four week period. All on family homes in the suburbs.” He began not even questioning my logic.

“How many fatalities?” I questioned as I shoved the address into my satnav, thankfully it would only take an hour or more, but put it onto mute until I needed it so I could listen to Spencer. Try and stem the mess I could take my fair share of blame in. A million thoughts ran through my mind; I should have listened, shouldn’t have been so stubborn, should have known _this_ was the way it was going to end.

“None.” His voice replied hoarsely, sounding tinny through the hands free speaker, and I grimaced as I started to understand the guilt weighing on his chest.

“None? Why were you guys called in?”

“It was sheer luck no one died. He was disorganised; not turning off the water supply or alarms but his cooling off period was decreasing and eventually he was going to cause a bloodbath.” He petered off, his voice shaking with the exertion of living back through the painful memories. I couldn’t let up though, I knew he would have done everything he could have done. I just had to make him see that.

“So where did this kid come in?”

“We got a call there had been an abduction, a sixteen year old kid but it just didn’t add up. Abduction wasn’t in his profile. I knew it was him but… but when we found the kid hidden I just couldn’t believe it was him. He was just a scared kid like Jamie. I let my guard down and Morgan had to kill him.”

“Morgan wouldn’t have killed him if he didn’t need too. Let me guess he had a gun to your head.” A wave of cold bile seemed to be working its way up my throat as we talked, I could imagine him there, gun against his temple. If it had gone off…

If it had gone off then I’d never have seen him again. He would have died thinking I hated him. I bit back a cry and focused on my husband. I could still lose him if I didn’t talk him off the ledge right now.

“He wanted to go out the suicide by cop route.”

“Doesn’t sound like there was much you could do.”

“But if I wasn’t stupid then we could have easily overpowered…”

“If that’s the way he wanted to go out then he would have opened fire on you. He wouldn’t have been taken in. It was always going to go down this way. At least he can’t hurt anyone else. It might not be the best kind of justice but it is something. You did the best you could.” My white knuckle grip on the steering wheel tightened and I hit the gas harder as I waited for his verdict on my pitiful attempt at comfort.

“Thanks baby. You know how sorry I am.” I grimaced at what was coming. The conversation I knew we needed to have, but it meant admitting some things I wasn’t proud of. “I wish to God I hadn’t done it. Agreeing to lunch with her was one of the most stupid mistakes of my life. My IQ doesn’t seem to work when it comes to social situations.” I snorted at the comment before bracing myself for what I had to say.

“Morgan was kind of right you know. And I swear to God if you ever tell Morgan I told you this I will go straight to the divorce courts but I _was_ angry about the kiss, God knows I was but seeing it on the front page of that magazine…” I took a deep breath before pushing on. “I guess there was always a small part of me that never really felt good enough for you.”

“ _You_ don’t feel good enough for _me”_ He asked incredulously and I rolled my eyes, even now he couldn’t see what he meant to me. Then again, I’d done exactly the same.

“You’re smart and compassionate… and I was just some poor girl who made it lucky. But you treated me like a Princess and I put you on a pedestal. I saw you as my saviour, I guess the way we met changed things. You’re the one who put me back together and I guess… I guess I saw you as the only one who could save me. Urgh, this isn’t coming out right!” I slammed my head back against the seat as I tried to explain what had been going on in my mess of a head. “You were the only person I needed and when I saw you kissing her I guess I suddenly had to face the realisation that maybe I’d have to deal with life without you. It scared me, Spence, so I decided the best way to deal with the _slight_ chance you’d leave me was to push you away so we were _definitely_ apart. Told you you were the smart one. I’m sorry, I’m sorry for causing all of this.” I whimpered as the tears began to trek down my cheeks; I quickly blinked them away, I could do without crashing the car on my way there.

“I’m sorry too. I’ve hurt so many people…”

“They’re not mad at you!” I quickly yelped, sensing his breathing hitch again. “My Dad’s actually pissed at me right now. Sure he was mad at you at first but then he realised exactly what everyone who knew you did; that it wasn’t you. Jesse’s the only one who’s still annoyed and I think that’s just because he was my drinking partner that first night. You haven’t lost this family.” I promised him and felt myself tear up again at the sigh of relief.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” I promised as I hit the gas, trying to speed up my delivery to him.

“Maybe we can talk when I get back? You should go back to sleep, I’ll be fine.”

“No I’m good. Let’s just keep talking, I’m fine.” I stared at the satnav, wishing it would hurry up. I didn’t think I could take much more.  Spencer never replied however, as before he could there was the unmistakeable sound of Morgan yelling. He’d obviously walked in and found the vial. I inwardly groaned as I heard bits and pieces of their terse conversation. _“idiot…. Selfish cow…wife… phone… life… bureau… careless…”_ I grimaced but refused to hang up, Spencer had called me for help and I wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Well that selfish stubborn cow is my wife and she’s on the phone!” I jumped a little as the angry raised voice returned to the speaker. “Don’t worry, Morgan’s here so I won’t do anything stupid. You can go back to sleep.” He offered quietly, much more subdued than before. It was at that moment, having reached the outskirts of Warrenton Virginia, I turned the satnav on to find the hotel Aaron had mentioned and it bleeped to life directing me to take the next right.

“What was that?”

“Satnav, this place really is a rabbit warren.” I hoped the pun would raise a smile, and quell the resistance to my night drive that I was sure was brewing.

“You’re here?! It’s an hour away!”

“Forty minutes with no traffic and some gas.” I offered as I pulled up in the hotel parking lot.

“You didn’t have too… room 345.” He offered, realising there was no point arguing now I was here. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be up in two minutes.” True to my word, I was knocking on his door barely a minute later, having sprinted up the stairs to avoid the hotel staff. Both Morgan and Spence appeared in the doorway, both looking like hell as I’d expected.

“Well I’m going to crash with Dave and Hotch.” Morgan offered as he pushed passed Reid, although he offered me an apologetic smile and a whispered “thank you.” I gave the barest hint of a nod before turning my attention to my husband.

“Marls.” He whispered, reaching forward to pull me against his chest. I didn’t need to be asked twice as I wrapped my arms around his cold shivering frame and promised him that everything would be alright.

“I love you.” I promised as we headed back towards the bed. The adrenaline wearing off as I helped Spence lie down beside me. “When we get back I’ll go with you to a meeting if you want?” I offered as he built a small mountain of pillows to prop himself up; we both knew the burning under his skin would keep him awake all night. Not that I was planning to sleep either, I’d stay up all night if I had too. I leaned against back so I could wrap my arms around his torso, had it always been that thin?

He placed a delicate kiss against my lips. His lips were rough and bloodied from a night worrying at them but they felt the same as always. And for the first time, in a long time, I didn’t care about the last woman who’d kissed them. We were together, and that was all that mattered.

 

 


	12. Crackers

**12\. Crackers**

**“I am not an angel,' I asserted; 'and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me - for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.” ― Charlotte Brontë**

**Marley POV**

I must have fallen asleep some time before dawn as the next thing I knew water was smashing into the tiles in the next room. I raised my head, unused to the irregular noise, before untangling the stiff, starchy hotel sheets and heading towards the partially open bathroom door. Peering around the corner I saw Spencer had turned the water pressure up until it was only a thin powerful streak crashing into my husband. I headed into the room, trying to make as much noise as possible so as not to startle him although he didn’t turn round.

“Spence?” I eventually called out as I opened the glass door so I could join him in the shower; he jumped slightly but gave me something that slightly resembled a smile. I crossed the slippery floor, the plumbing obviously wasn’t great as water was stagnating in the basin. The water was over my ankles and Spencer’s feet were beat red so who knew how long he’d been in here. Contemplating everything that had gone wrong on the case and what he could have done differently. I leaned my forehead against his and felt his shuddering breaths against mine. Despite Spencer’s body sheltering me from most of the blast, it was still uncomfortably hot and powerful. Suffocatingly so. It was usual though, whenever he was stressed, angry, even tired he liked to stand in a power shower and think. I’d found as we got closer that my presence next to him usually added to the calming nature of the water running across his body. He moved to encircle me and I leaned my head against his shoulder, his skin was blisteringly hot but he didn’t seem to care. I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around his fragile neck, feeling the muscles contract beneath my grasp as he wrapped his arms around my waist; large hands rubbing against my hip bone as he pulled me closer. I felt his nose nudge my ear as he whispered “I love you”, the words almost swept away by the power of the water but I caught them and whispered an affirmative back at him. Eventually he pulled away from me and switched the power off; the steam was ghosting around our legs, sticking to my skin and making stifling the air. I was glad once we opened the door and the cool breeze from the open window hit my blistered skin.

“You know I meant everything I said last night. I’m sorry.”

“I know. So am I. I just want to go home with my wife.” I smiled and nodded, pulling away from him so I could pull the forgotten towel around my shivery form.

“Do you to go down to breakfast or I can grab us something?” I offered as Spence pulled on a grey buttoned down shirt and quickly fastened the buttons.

“I… I don’t think I can go down there. Would… could you get me… there’s ah, there’s these apple cracker things in a packet. Could you?” He asked nervously as he pulled on a thick purple cardigan; whenever he was nervous he liked as many layers on as possible, as if the more he wore the more he could keep the outside world out.

“Course, I’ll be two minutes.” I promised as I leaned down to kiss him, his hair still damp and curling round his face. I placed another kiss on his temple before grabbing my bag and heading out the room. It was only as I was halfway down the hall that I realised the team were probably in the dining room; the team that had probably taken Spencer’s side on the whole argument and would give me hell for it. I could hold my own pretty well, but when I knew I was in the wrong and had a group of profilers staring me down, well it wasn’t going to be pretty.

But Spencer wanted them, and he was too scared to leave our room. So I took a deep breath and strode purposefully for the elevator, not wanting to stop and think about it for too long lest I lost my nerve.

Despite my brave words to myself nerves made my entire body quiver as I walked towards the restaurant. Part of me wanted to race back upstairs but that meant admitting defeat, admitting I was too scared of the team to get him breakfast. Taking a deep breath I pushed open the door and cautiously eyed the rest of the occupants, looking for the team. I jumped when I noticed how close they were, sat right beside the door but thankfully a low wall and bushy green plant obscured the entrance door, and me, from their view. 

“So she just turned up here, in the middle of the night, why? Guilty conscience?” JJ spat out venomously.

“She drove down here in the middle of the night because he called her. Can’t say fairer than that.” Derek shrugged and picked up a doughnut from the plate in the middle of the table.

“So she finally calms down and we, what, we just accept it?”

“Listen I think we should leave them to sort their personal lives out. If they’ve both forgiven each other then we shouldn’t get involved.” Derek bit into his doughnut and waved away JJ’s complaints with the other hand, I guess since he’d seen the state Spencer was in last night he was willing to overlook any bad feeling between us if it meant keeping him back on the straight and narrow.

 “There were faults on both sides but frankly I’ll just be glad when she moves back in with him.” Aaron offered and I couldn’t help but snort quietly at the comment. I was well aware he’d be desperate for the two of us to make up, not that he minded me living there; just that he knew now wasn’t the right time for us to go back to cohabiting. JJ shrugged, obviously not happy with the decisions I’d made recently.

I took a deep breath, trying to steal myself to walk across to the buffet table and find the sacred apple crackers for my husband. If I was fast they might not notice me, they were already talking about Garcia’s latest email so I had time to snatch a few crackers and head back to the room, lucky it was all paid for really, got to love the bureau for that one. Once I was sure they were engrossed in a conversation I quickly headed over to the buffet bar and searched wildly for the crackers, there was a whole range of doughnuts, pancakes, bacon, anything you want really. Of course my husband would settle for a small packet of crackers. I scooped up a couple of packets and flashed Spencer’s room card at the cashier before turning to flee back out the door.

Instead I smacked straight into a wall of flesh.

“Hello Marley.” I reluctantly looked up to find Aaron staring down at me, I instantly looked away, knowing that I probably had the same expression on my face as a naughty child who’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t.

“Jesse’s with Jack, and Spence…. Needed me?” I offered as a reason for leaving his son in the middle of the night with my volatile little brother whom wasn’t Aaron’s favourite person right now.

“Spencer must have been in a state for you to drive all the way here. The last time we spoke you were adamant you weren’t speaking to him in the foreseeable future.”

“The kid died in front of him. You know he’s fragile when it comes to kids. I’m not heartless, I always loved him.” I shrugged, still unable to look at him. To me it was simple; Spencer was in trouble and nothing else mattered. Perhaps a simplistic view but there it was. I knew that Aaron knew there was only one reason why I’d drop everything to be by his side. Of course he wouldn’t ask, if he knew Spencer had tried to take something while on a case then he’d have to do something about it. Ignorance is bliss.

 “Nothing… _happened_. He just needed someone to talk too.” I watched his grim expression lighten slightly and he grabbed my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze before gently guiding me towards the table. _Thanks, Aaron._

“No Reid this morning?” Dave asked as he spread jam over a slice of toast, his nonchalance allowing me to expel the breath I’d be painfully contracting.

“He’s in the shower. I was sent on a mission to find apple crackers, apparently they’re very good.”

“Seriously, he’s told you about the apple crackers? He obsessed with them; he asked where he could find the distributer yesterday. There are probably twenty boxes outside your house already.” Morgan gave me a wide smile, as if trying to emphasise the fact that we were good. I fiddled with the packets in my hand and wished I could have got away without being harassed by my boss.

“Sorry I’m late.” We all turned in disbelief at my husband’s hoarse voice, as he appeared around the large bushy plant. He still looked like he’d spent a few long lonely months in hell but he gave me half a smile, his eyes searching mine for authorization. He obviously found what he was looking for as he reached out and pulled me into a hug. His arms locked around my back and he crushed me against his solid chest, a little tighter than normal so my bones protested the painful action but I hugged him back; feeling the familiar bones of his spine through the thin starchy shirt. His finger nails dug into my flesh but I didn’t complain, I’d forgotten how much I liked being in his embrace. The familiar smell and warm chest against my cheek soothed the nerves that had built up as I’d come face to face with the team. I gently pulled away from his quivering form so I could lean up to plant a delicate kiss against his still damp cheek. He shuddered slightly, a sigh escaping from his lips as he squeezed me a tiny bit tighter. “Thought you might want some back up.” He whispered quietly so no one else could hear while I flashed him the most earnest, grateful expression I could muster.

“Well aren’t you two loves young dream?” Dave’s snarky response to our embrace made us reluctantly pull apart to find the rest of the team, even JJ although her response was slightly more subdued than the others, smiling at us. I blushed before wordlessly handing him the collection of crackers I’d amassed although they were slightly crushed from becoming my comfort blanket.

“How are you feeling this morning, Spence?” JJ brightened up as she addressed him but I didn’t take it too personally. Especially not with Spencer’s arm wrapped around my waist.

 “Better now.” He admitted quietly although his eyes never left mine and I knew his admission was for my benefit. I knew that he just wanted some privacy; the safety and security of his own home while he dealt with his cravings. I leaned my head against his shoulder and felt better that the tremors in his body had stopped. Although then mine started. I pulled away from him as my phone began vibrating in my pocket and I struggled to get it out of my pocket where I’d smashed it in earlier. The caller ID stated that my Dad was desperate to get in touch with me this morning. I quickly excused myself, knowing my Father never called this early unless there was something on his mind. Probably trying to convince me to sort out my relationship; well he’d be pleased to know that this would be one wasted phone call. 

“I’m sorry Dad, you were right.”

“Well it’s not every day I get my eldest apologising to me without having to beg and plead.” He joked but I could hear an edge to his voice; he hadn’t called me for a social chat today that was for sure. “What’s happening?”

“I’m with Spencer… we’re going to be okay.”

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear that! He might have been an idiot but the guy worships the ground you walk on. Not to mention the fact he’s the only son-in-law I can ever imagine liking.” I snorted at the comment but smiled as I kicked my shoe against the wainscoting outside the restaurant.

“So…?” I trailed off, still scraping my shoe against the wall, knowing something _else_ was coming. Something I probably wouldn’t want to hear.

“Your Mom’s looking for you.” I paused looking desperately through the glass doors to see if I could catch a glimpse of Spencer. Any conversation involving my Mother needed some kind of support; whether it be alcohol or, more preferably, my husband. “You still there baby?”

“What… ah… what did she want? Why…Dad?” I trailed off pathetically as I turned so I could lay my head against the textured wallpaper and slowly slide my way down to the ground as I let out a shuddering breath, knowing that whatever was coming next wouldn’t be pleasant. My Mother was like a poisonous spider; you let her take one tiny bit and her venom spread through everything she touched until nothing was left but a withered corpse drained of all good will and compassion. If she was looking for me, it could only mean trouble was heading my way.

“Apparently she wants to make _amends._ ” I could practically hear the sarcastic air quotes at the idea that she had it in her to make amends. It had worked out so well the last time.

“I thought she ‘wasn’t ready to be a Mother again but she hoped we could forgive her in time’.” I angrily gnashed my teeth together as I remembered that final letter she’d enclosed in Milo, my baby brother’s last birthday card.

“Well this time its court appointed so maybe she’ll try harder.” He sighed and I heard the sound of a door slamming on the other line; obviously he didn’t want any of my brothers hearing the conversation.

“Court appointed? Why’s the State of New York suddenly interested in my Mother’s parenting ability?”

“It’s not but the State of Indiana is being mighty attentive to her drink driving and drunk and disorderly behaviour. They sent her to a court appointed rehab and step nine apparently is…”

 “To make amends?” I finished, surmising the ninth stage from the start of the conversation.

“Exactly, and she’s starting with you lucky people.” My Father rarely used sarcasm but whenever he did it was usually about my Mother. There was something bizarrely comforting in it.

“What’s she doing in Indiana? And when the hell did she get a drinking problem?” I wracked my brain, trying to remember whether I had any memories of my Mother excessively drinking but none sprung to mind. “Thought she’d already realised that we were a no go.” After Jonathon my Mother had tried to make amends; I guess I should give her some credit for that, not much, but some. She’d sent birthday and Christmas cards to all of us. Jesse, Nick, and I had simply sent ours back to her, maybe other, better, people would have given her another chance, but too much water had passed under that bridge. Jamie, VJ and Milo however had been more amenable to her advances and had accepted any attention she bestowed upon them. They tried to get more out of her; they sent her letters in between the cards but she never responded. My Dad, who seemed to have the patience of a saint when it came to my Mother, just told them that she needed time. Unfortunately a few months ago, on Milo’s twelfth birthday, she’d sent a note saying that she wasn’t in the right place to become a Mother. Milo spent his entire birthday in tears and refused to come out his room for two days. Needless to say we hadn’t expected to ever hear from her again.

Until now.

“Apparently now she feels that she’s in the right frame of mind to apologise sincerely.” I released a cynical burst of laughter; after everything she’d done before, she expected us to believe that? “I know you don’t want to know but I thought I better tell you. I never want you kids to think that I stopped you seeing your Mom.”

“Dad trust me, there is nothing you can do that would make us hate you. You going to tell _all_ the others?” I asked as I began nibbling on the sensitive pad of my thumb, trying to quell the vice like grip on my lungs that always began strangling me whenever my Mother was mentioned.

“I’m not going to tell Milo; poor kid went through it bad enough last time. I’ve got to tell the rest of them, you’re all almost adults. Something tells me she might have to find someone else to help her complete stage nine though.” I snorted; when it came to my Mother you always thought she couldn’t get any worse. And then… then she turned up trying to break the heart of a twelve year old boy all over again. As I sat biting my thumb with renewed vigour the overheard light was blocked out by a silhouette, the backlight blinding me as I looked up to find out who was looming above me. I quickly blinked my eyes back down as black spots flickered across my eyes, the mismatched socks alerted me to who the tall dark stranger was.

“Hey Baby.” He knelt down beside me, smiling more brightly than he had in a while. It made me smile too; I’d missed the feeling of security that came from having my husband close.

“Excuse me?” My Dad scoffed and I rolled my eyes.

“Not you, I’m with Spence. Listen I’ve got to go, bye Dad.”

“Bye Marls, tell that husband of yours I’m looking forward to seeing him next week.” I promised I would, knowing it would further calm his worries over my family. If there was one person who could convince Jesse to forgive Spence then it was Dad. I hung up and leaned forwards to kiss him, smiling against his lips as he grabbed a handful of my hair.

“What was that about?”  He asked as he moved so he could settle down on the wall beside me.

“Nothing.”

“Marls, clean slate remember? Is… is your Dad still mad at me?” He looked like a kicked puppy and his hand in my hair subconsciously tightened.

“No, my, ah, my Mum’s trying to make contact.” I leaned my head against his shoulder and felt him visibly stiffen at the mention of my Mother. “It’s a long story I’ll fill you in later. Although there is one good thing that might come out of the Wicked Witch of the West’s reappearance?”

“What?” He asked, his arm tight around my shoulder but I turned so I could look into his tired, nervous eyes.

“If Jesse’s busy fighting her, you’ll be in the clear.” I joked and earned a chuckle from Spencer, his eyes lighting up with a smile as he kissed my head.

“We’re going to be alright, aren’t we?” He asked and I smiled at him, leaning my head against his shoulder so I could feel his warmth against my skin. Things between us weren’t perfect, still a little forced, a little too friendly than normal; we never usually clung to each other in public the way we were doing now. It was a normal response to the situation, I guess, as we tried to establish our relationship again. But the feelings remain unchanged, and I knew that given a few more days things would go back to the simple ease we’d felt before Lila Archer’s perfectly glossed lips had exploded onto the front page of every magazine. 

“Course we will. Together forever.”

 


	13. Family

**13\. Family**

**“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family. ” ― Jim Butcher**

**Marley POV**

While the rest of the team took the jet Spencer opted to curl up in the passenger seat as I drove home. It was nice having him in the car; not least because his knowledge of American roads shaved almost twenty minutes off the journey. Spencer was flicking through the collection of CDs we had complied in the glove compartment trying to find his favourites. I knew that jazz helped to sooth him when he was tense. He’d once told me that it had come from his friend Ethan; it had been when the two had reconnected in New Orleans that he’d first got help for his addiction. He said that the music always reminded him of the strength it took to get, and stay, clean. I smiled as he finally found the Miles Davis tape and put it on. It had always been a favourite. His hand reached across and grasped mine on the steering wheel.

“Thank you, for coming.”

“Thanks for calling.” He nodded and let go of my hand, his fingers falling down beside the hand break and soon he was tapping his elongated fingers against the seat in time to the music. A vague smile played across my face as I listened to his breathing even out as we hit the interstate; I knew he hadn’t sleep much, if at all last night, and was glad that he was finally starting to relax. When his breathing deepened and evened out I reached out and turned the music down a fraction. I could remember a louder song coming up soon and not wanting it to ruin his desperately needed sleep. I yawned hugely and had to shake my head to clear the fog from lack of sleep. Trying to avoid killing us both I slid the window open and allowed the blast of fresh air to revive me slightly.

Spencer didn’t stir until we were within the city limits, a few miles from Aaron’s apartment, I wanted to check on Jack, I felt bad about bolting in the middle of the night and wanted to make sure that he was alright. I felt Spencer’s eyes on me but had to wait till we reached a stop sign to turn and see him still curled up in his seat but alert and smiling at me, his hazel eyes brighter than the last time they’d focused on me earlier. Quickly checking there was no one behind us I leaned across and kissed his temple, feeling his frown lines disappear under my lips.

“Do you… ah… do you need to check on Jack straight away, only there’s a meeting starting in twenty minutes and…”

“Say no more.” I smiled at him and took the next left. “Do you want me to come with or….”

“No, I’ll be fine on my own.” He gave a sheepish smile as if scared he’d offended me but I waved it off. I’d known he wouldn’t want me to go, I’d only offered last night out of sheer desperation but I still wanted him to know I was there for him whatever he needed. He seemed to understand my gesture and brushed his fingertips against my hand on the gear stick; guess that was one of the many benefits of knowing someone inside out.

I pulled up outside a grey stone community centre that Spence had directed me too. It wasn’t his usual meeting, that only happened every Thursday evening, and I wondered where he’d heard about it or if he’d been before but I didn’t pry. Instead I leaned across and kissed him, feeling a pang in my gut as he walked away from me after we’d only just reconciled. At least it was only for an hour. I could manage that.        

I’d watched my husband’s retreating back until he’d entered the building and been swallowed from my sight before putting the car in gear and driving across town to see my boy. As I headed into the lobby my eyes caught the bank of post boxes against the lobby, I headed towards it, pulling open the zip on my bag so I could hunt for my key chain knowing that Jesse never remembered to get the mail and Aaron would still be at the office. Ever since I was about  fifteen and the odd bit of mail started turning up for me, I always got excited when the mail came, hoping for something special in the mail. Despite the fact I’d officially moved out over a year ago there was still the occasional letter; usually offering me a credit card or other junk mail. I found the soft Labrador toy that my keys were attached too; a present from Jack for the first birthday I lived with them. Derek still laughed whenever I produced it from my bag but I’d grown attached to it.

Today our mail box was full to bursting with several official looking white envelopes; obviously all for Aaron. I absentmindedly began flicking through the envelopes, all were addressed to Aaron apart from one near the back that made me pause. It was the only brown envelope, cheap, slightly frayed at the edges. It wasn’t addressed to me either, or redirected from my Dad for Jesse. It was addressed to a Mr P Rhea. I frowned, perhaps he’d owned the apartment before Aaron but then Aaron had lived here for almost five years and no one had ever tried to get in touch with the previous tenant before now. Maybe they’d got the address wrong; there had been several new arrivals on our floor over the last few months. I turned the envelope over and found a return address in Arlington, I’d send it back there and they could work out which address they really wanted. After shoving that letter into my bag I clutched the rest of them in my left hand and headed for the stairs; feeling bad that Jessica had had to drop everything and watch Jack this morning. I knew she didn’t mind, she adored spending time with her nephew but I think she preferred a bit more notice than a text in the morning from Jesse begging for help as he had to work. Knowing my grumpy brother it probably wasn’t the most polite text either.

Jack lunged at me when I walked in the door like a dying man grasping for the last life buoy on the boat. He wrapped his little arms around my waist, burying his head into my abdomen as if I’d been gone a year and not a night. I ran a hand through his shaggy dirty blonde hair before hugging him close to me. I felt him move beneath my hand and looked down to see his big brown puppy dog eyes looking sorrowfully up at me.

“Where did you go? You never said goodbye.” His voice was barely above a whisper but it still managed to crack on goodbye, cutting into my heart the way only that heartbroken minute voice could. I bent down and kissed his head allowing him to snuggle closer against me. “You never said goodbye.” He repeated and damn couldn’t that kid just twist the knife with his pining voice. It wasn’t that he was always anxious when I left; he’d been fine when we were on our honeymoon, he didn’t like it but he wasn’t scared. However there had been an unfortunate number of incidents in our lives where I’d disappeared without so much as a goodbye, usually in the middle of the night just to add to the kid’s confusion. And sadly someone, usually me because I’d inherited my husband’s unluckiness when it came to medical incidents, always seemed to end up in hospital. Of course he wasn’t told the exact details he was a smart kid and he could read people and the atmosphere. He knew when something was wrong and I doubted that Jesse would have tried hard to keep his emotions in check when he read my scribbled note. _“Something’s come up. I have to go see Spencer. Call Jess in the morning and ask if she can watch Jack- BE POLITE. Marls xxxx”_   

“Sorry, I just had to go see Spencer. I missed you though.”

“I missed you too.” He complained before pulling away from me and clutching my hand so he could pull me towards the couch where he’d set up a little den for himself on the floor with several chairs and a duvet creating a little secluded fort big enough for two people. I guess Jess had joined him in watching cartoons this morning. Sure enough Jess’ curly blonde hair appeared around the corner and she smiled warmly at me, instantly silencing all apologies vying for space on the tip of my tongue with her sympathetic eyes that told me no excuse was necessary. She was happy to help.

“How is _everyone?”_ She asked quietly as we settled on the couch with Jack burrowed down in his den, although he’d moved the duvet resting on the couch so he could peer out the back to keep an eye on me.

“The case didn’t pan out well but give it a few days and things will go back to normal.” I smiled slightly and she grinned back, understanding exactly what I meant while I sat praying that everything _would_ go back to normal.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Spencer knocked on the door several hours later while Jack and I were playing a round of connect 4. After I’d spent an hour discussing my night over a coffee while Jack watched a film, although I was pretty sure he spent most of that time trying to decipher our code words and whispered innuendos (What can I say he was his Father’s son), Jess had left the two of us alone. Jack couldn’t have been happier to finally have a monopoly on my attention and insisted on playing board games. Feeling guilty I let him win the first few rounds. Aaron and I were usually of the opinion that we shouldn’t always let Jack win, he should understand that you couldn’t always win these games otherwise he wouldn’t be prepared for games with other children. However staring into those big brown puppy dog eyes I conceded and pretended I couldn’t see my blindingly obvious row of three. Guilt bubbled like a corrosive liquid in my stomach as I watched him jump around in victory and race over to hug me. I held him a little tighter than usual, knowing I hadn’t treated him right the last few months. I’d been too preoccupied first with planning my wedding, then my honeymoon and then Lila. I’d let him slip by unnoticed but now that stopped. Honestly, and I thought I was ready to be a Mother! I shook my head savagely and cuddled him closer despite his complaints that he was a “big boy now”.  Jack was my boy, and I was his Mother in all but blood. I wasn’t about to forget that. 

Jack. Spencer. Aaron. That was all that mattered now.

It was after my revelation that Spencer knocked again, a little louder, dragging my attention away from my boy, who pouted slightly, probably waiting for someone else to drag me away from him. I was about to get up when the scrape of a key in the lock told me he’d given up on waiting to be let in and was busting in, desperate to see us.

“How was the meeting?” I asked as I pulled myself to my feet and leaned up on my tiptoes to place a chaste kiss against his lips. I felt grateful that he returned it, his hands grasping the tops of my shoulders with desperate fingers. He nodded but said nothing more so I didn’t pry, instead I leaned my forehead against his, feeling his breath mingling with mine as he moved his arms to wrap around my shoulders.

“I’ve missed this.” He admitted, glossing over my question, as he kissed me again before pulling me towards the sofa; Jack pulled himself up beside me and the three of us cuddled up together; one of Spencer’s arms around my shoulder and the other stretched around my waist so he could hug Jack too. It couldn’t have been all that comfortable but none of us complained. All enjoying the contact. Jack still adored Spencer, and I knew that nothing would make him happier than the four of us cohabiting for all eternity. The television had been left on the kids’ channel and Jack was soon engrossed, allowing Spencer and I to doze in one another’s company.

Aaron’s phone call brought us to our senses. Thankfully it was nothing bad; no missing team member, no stressful case looming. Just a meeting with Strauss and the Director that looked set to go on until late. Nothing I hadn’t dealt with a hundred times, and yet tonight, tonight was different. Usually I would just stay late at Aaron’s, maybe sleep over if it got passed 2am. Tonight however I told him I was going to take Jack back to our apartment. I felt Spencer stiffen and gaze questioningly at me while Aaron questioned me down the phone, saying he hoped he wouldn’t be that late (usually the sign of a 3am stagger in from SSA Hotchner). So I shrugged and told both of them “I just want to go home.”

Both Aaron and Spence emitted relieved chuckles, while Jack, quieting listening into the conversation whooped at the prospect of spending the night in his “special second bedroom.” I smiled, glad it was decided.

Glad I could take my family back to my family home.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\     

“This place hasn’t felt the same since you left.” Spencer admitted quietly as he scuffed his shoes on our wooden bedroom floor later that evening. I sat beside him, leaning slightly into his side as I smoothed out the white ruffled bed sheets which were still mused from the last night he’d spent here. Alone. I pulled my legs up to my chest and watched as Spencer toed off his shoes all the while he kept his eyes focused on the shag carpet on the floor. It had been in Spencer’s old apartment and he’d considered throwing it out but I’d shoved it in the “keep” pile; I’d always loved that rug. Spencer had lived in an old building with wooden floors that peeled the skin off your feet on particularly icy mornings. During the winter I’d complained so much every morning that one Friday night I’d wandered into the bedroom to find the then pristine white rug pushed into the space between my side of the bed and the writing desk he kept underneath the window. Spencer had appeared behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, his head resting on my shoulder.

“I’ve spent so long waiting for you to feel comfortable staying here that I think you deserve the best when you come here.” I let out a shuddering breath as tears pricked my eyes at the gesture.

“Thank you. Thank you for waiting, for being so patient after Jon…”

“Shush.” He whispered soothingly as he turned me in his arms and allowed me to burrow deep down in his neck; the comforting feel and smell against my skin helped me to keep the tears at bay. “You were worth it, you were always worth it.”

I shook my head at the memory and leaned against Spencer, noticing the slight tremor in his hand as he fiddled with the laces on his converse. I covered his shaking hand with mine and squeezed tightly. I pulled his shoes away from him and set them on the floor before pulling him back until we were lying side by side on our ruffled bed. He leaned down and pulled the sheet over our still clothed bodies to try and quell the chills that quenched through his body even though we both knew he wasn’t shaking from the cold.

“I just hate feeling like this. I don’t want to feel this burning _need_ for it.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry this is all my…”

“No. I started the addiction and every so often something triggers it. It’s not your fault. It was… everything.” I didn’t believe him but I curled myself up beside him and felt him relax slightly at the contact. “It was just hard going back to a meeting. I find it hard enough telling you things like this, never mind a group of strangers.”

“You can tell me anything. I won’t judge.” I promised quietly and was rewarded with one of my favourite genuine smiles lighting up his face.

“I know.” He pressed his lips against my forehead and pulled my just that little bit closer until you could barely tell where one of us ended and the other began. I lay as still as possible, allowing Spencer to manoeuvre himself until he was comfortably curled up around me. I lay quietly against him, feeling tired after last night but refusing to succumb to sleep when Spencer was still shivering beside me. However slowly I felt him relax in my embrace; his limbs uncoiling, his breathing evening out and his rib shattering grip on me relaxed until his arm simply lay languidly over me. As I felt him relax I allowed the tension to drain out of my body.

“I love you.” I promised his sleeping form. Leaning into his slumbering embrace I made a silent plea to God that things would work out. _Please._ That no more unsubs or exes would get in the way of what was in my mind, a perfect love.

_Please._


	14. Christmas

**14\. Christmas**

**“Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart... filled it, too, with a melody that would last forever. Even though you grew up and found you could never quite bring back the magic feeling of this night, the melody would stay in your heart always - a song for all the years.” ― Bess Streeter Aldrich**

**Spencer POV**

**5 months later**

The credits for “Miracle on 34th street” rolled across our small bedroom television while an automated voice announced that “It’s a wonderful life” was commencing after the break. It truly was a Christmas movie marathon although I sincerely doubted we’d make it to the end of that movie. It must be passed midnight by now; we’d been curled up in bed for hours. It was the night before Christmas Eve, hell I guess it _was_ Christmas Eve now and Marley’s family would be arriving in a few hours. We’d decided to head to bed early, created a mountain of pillows and curled up to watch movies together. Although about ten minutes into the first movie Marley had given up on her mountain of pillows and had curled up against my chest, her head rested under my neck with her arm wrapped languidly about my waist. I’d wrapped one hand around her and had spent the entire time lazily running my fingers up and down her bare arm. On our wedding day, nearly six months ago now, this was how I’d pictured married life; lounging around with my wife doing nothing much and yet feeling extraordinarily happy. Marley moved against my chest; raising her head up so her eyes met mine. They were glassy with unshed tears but she smiled at me and I knew she’d been thinking the same thing.

“You know when I was little I used to curl up with my Dad and watch all these movies, and I always used to tell him how I wanted one of these fairy tale romances. He always used to laugh and tell me that life wasn’t a fairy tale. Guess I proved him wrong. Guess _you_ proved him wrong.” She leaned forward and kissed me, her soft lips pressed gently against mine as she shifted round so she was pressed even closer to my chest. As we pulled away she buried her head against my shoulder and my skin grew damp from the tears I’d noticed sparkling earlier in her eyes. I laced my fingers through her hair and leaned close to her ear.

“I love you.” I whispered before kissing the tip of her earlobe, feeling wetness begin to overflow my eyelids. Marley suddenly began laughing quietly, the vibrations tickling my bare skin and making me shiver.

“I can’t believe I’m crying because I love you. This is seriously hormonal.” I laughed and wiped away her tears as she kissed me again. We rearranged our tangled bodies until Marley was as close as physically possible; one leg entwined with mine, her head buried in the space between my neck and shoulder with one arm stretched across my chest while the other was folded against my side, her shaking fingers lightly rubbing against my rib cage. I’d encircled her thin frame in my arms with my head resting against her bouncing curls. I closed my eyes as I felt peace wash over me, I could feel Marley’s heartbeat against my chest. It beat in sync with mine.

“I never want to get up.” I whispered as I held her close. It hadn’t taken long after Lila for us to get back to this, to the happy couple we’d always been. Marley had started her teacher training in September and was loving it; not that I was shocked, what with raising Jack and her brothers she just had a way with children. She’d make a great teacher. A great Mother. It had been almost five months since we’d started trying for a baby although we didn’t mention it. We didn’t want to become obsessive over it so we’d decided to try for a year and if nothing happened then we’d review it. I knew that was easier said than done but we were both keeping ourselves occupied. I had to admit while I wanted to start a family just as badly as Marley it had been nice having some time together. On the weekend’s I wasn’t working a case (although we’d had a ridiculously high caseload recently) we’d go out together either for a walk in a park or to a museum. Doing things with Marley was so… simple. I guess it came from being married to the right person; we enjoyed the same things and were more than willing to compromise when I wanted to go to a book signing or she wanted to watch a new movie. Then there were the evenings like this one where we curled up in one another’s arms and fell asleep; neither of us ever complained about that.

I leaned across to the bedside table; careful not to move Marley too much as her heavy breathing told me she was starting to slip into unconsciousness. I grasped the remote and flicked the television off leaving the room in a sudden silence. While I was reaching over I grasped the dimmer switch, my hand slipping off as I stretched as far as I could without moving from the comforting warmth of Marley sprawled against me. Eventually I managed to turn it right down until there was only a dim glow from my bedside light. I hesitated, hand still grasping the switch before taking a deep breath and switching it all the way off. I instantly closed my eyes against the darkness, a slightly ironic reaction perhaps but it helped. As did Marley tightening her grip around me and placing a light kiss against my neck.

“I’m fine.” I whispered, both to myself and Marley. I was a grown man whose day job involved hunting down serial killers. The dark should be the least of my worries. But it was; such a childish fear and yet it was enough to drive fear into my heart in the right situation. However I was safe here. With Marley pressed against me, I opened my eyes and let out a shaky breath from the darkness that surrounded me but closed my eyes again as I settled back down against the soft pillow and continued to stroke Marley’s back; pushing her vest top down lower each time as I scrapped my nails down her vertebrate. She murmured “one track mind” against my chest but as she closed her mouth she deliberately scrapped her teeth against my chest eliciting a gasp from me. Despite the darkness engulfing us I could tell she was smirking up at me.

“Well the family will be here for the next few days; this is our last chance to be alone.” I offered, feeling bold as she continued to kiss my body. She giggled quietly, her body shaking beside me as she moved to straddle me, obviously taking the hint from my suggestion. Her breathing had sped up as she leaned down to kiss me, suddenly wide awake. I slid both my hands up across her hips before grasping the material of her vest top and pulling it off her head although the yelp she let out told me I’d caught her ear in my hurry to rid her of the excessive material. As my eyes adjusted to the dark I could just make out the pale contours of her hour glass figure above me.  I ran a hand across her flat stomach and up her ribs, feeling each crevice as I made my way up her body. Her shuddering breaths made me smirk; there was something incredibly powerful about knowing I could create such emotions in her. She leaned down so that her lips were mere millimetres from my ear and her soft skin against my cheek. I could smell her familiar scent; the faint remnants of the perfume she wore today, a whiff of apples and fruits that hadn’t changed since the first time we met, mixed with the purely unique aroma of my wife. It was my favourite smell in the whole wide world.

“We have what, six hours till we have to be up? We better make the most of it.” She whispered quietly, I could feel her mouth quirk up into a smirk against me. “Any ideas?”

“I have an IQ of 187, I think I can think of a few things.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\    

Marley was sprawled across the bed when the shrill squawking of the alarm made me jolt awake. I was used to such intrusions into my sleep from life with the BAU where we often had to ready to leave within a moment’s notice. Marley, however, who had never had to deal with Hotch screaming at her that another body had been found, was much more reluctant to open her eyes and start the day. I ran a hand along her arm and she grumbled but opened up one eye to glower at me.

“It’s early.” She grumbled as she turned towards me and offered a grimace. I couldn’t help but smile and leaned closer to wipe the sleep from her eyes with my thumb.

“Happy Christmas Eve.” I offered as recompense for dragging her from her dreamland. However it seemed to pay off as she returned a slightly more dimmed version of my smile. “Our first Christmas as a married couple, holding it in our home with our family…” I let the sentiment sink in, finding a grin tugging at my own mouth as I tried to make Marley, who had never really been a morning person, smile. It succeeded as she leaned up to kiss me.

“Best Christmas yet.” She announced against my lips and I felt hers quirk upwards as she wound her fingers through my hair and pulled me close. If it wasn’t for the snooze suddenly going off again I would have happily fallen back under the covers with her and carried on from where we left off last night but I knew Vince would be here soon. And I somehow doubted even though we were married finding me naked in bed with his daughter would go down well. Reluctantly I unwrapped her bare slender legs from my waist and pulled her up beside me; feeling bereft of her touch even though she was still stood next to me. She seemed to feel the same way as she laced her fingers through mine and pulled me towards the kitchen; her stomach growling in unison with mine making us both laugh.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A familiar knock on the door, several hours later, made Marley squeal in happiness and she bounded off to pull the door open. We hadn’t seen her Father in over three months and while we saw him a lot more than when she was first a student, it had still been enough time for her to miss him. Vince couldn’t even make it through the door before Marley, like her adorable Labrador namesake, bounded into his arms. A let out a familiar gravely laugh that I’d grown to associate with my Father-in-law, perhaps oddly when you considered the circumstances under which we’d met.  The first time I saw Vince he’d barely been able to stand, his entire body crushed under the devastating loss of his eldest daughter. Thank God we’d got her back and as she’d started putting her life together I was finally introduced to the happy Father figure Marley had promised me as well as the boisterous brothers she’d mentioned when we first started going out, although honestly as I looked at Jesse, smiling as he waited for his chance to hug his Father, I thought maybe he’d been changed more permanently. While there were brief flashes of the bad boy persona most notably, I remembered with a shudder, when he attacked me over the whole Lila Archer debacle, I’d never seen the truant, smoking, drinking, nuisance Marley had often complained about. I guess nearly losing the only Mother figure you ever had made you re-evaluate your life.

Marley finally released her Father and moved onto her brothers, while Vince grabbed Jesse who looked set to squirm but instead wrapped his arms around his Father and accepted the hug. Nick had ducked through the door and instantly made a beeline towards me; the two of us were close, he’d been emailing me since he’d started his course at CalTech and I loved it, hearing news of my old college, Nick’s thoughts on his professors and courses and his plans for the future. Before he had a chance to launch into a long diatribe about his latest paper Vince turned his attention to me and pulled me in for a bear hug.

“Merry Christmas son.” He beamed as he pulled away from me and held me at arm’s length; the Fatherly gesture harkened both pleasant and painful thoughts. I was glad that I had found acceptance in the middle of a loving family but standing here with Vince checking up on me made me wonder what my own Father was doing for the holiday. I wondered if he’d be thinking about me. I knew there was going to be a celebration at Bennington that my Mother would attend, causing a pang in my gut, we were going out to visit her two days after Christmas and we’d celebrate then. I hoped she’d be lucid enough to remember this time; the first time I’d taken Marley to visit my Mother she’d been having one of her episodes and had thought Marley was a student. I’d waited for Marley to freak out, to run from the room and realise she didn’t want to risk loving me when I could end up in a sanitarian too. But instead she smiled and apologised for not reading the suggested books while listening to my Mother’s lecture. I’d spent the rest of our trip feeling hideously guilty for ever doubting my beloved girl.

We spent the next few hours lazily lounging around, catching up on each other lives, regaling each other with funny stories and personal triumphs. I’d missed this. No one mentioned Marley’s Mother, despite the fact they’d all received Christmas cards from her; she hadn’t quite given up on stage nine, despite the muted response she’d gotten. Only Jesse had replied and his response had made his anger towards me seem mild. I guess today was a day to focus on the good kind of family; the kind that stuck by you no matter what. The rest of our ragtag family would join us tomorrow; Aaron, Jack, Jess and Rossi, who’d, decided he couldn’t stand another Christmas day with his warring family and wanted to join ours. It was a complete juxtaposition to the Christmases I’d had when I was younger, it was the type I’d always dreamed of and exactly what I wanted for my children. Thoughts of children made me subconsciously grasp Marley’s waist. Marley followed my lead and curled herself around me on the love seat, which Milo was finding excruciating to watch. He and Jack would have a field day tomorrow.

“I should go and make a start on dinner.” Marley eventually announced, pulling herself out of my embrace and ignoring any offers of help. As she moved towards the kitchen the bell rang, the unfamiliar noise making Milo jump by my feet. Maggie, our neighbour, was stood on our porch bearing cookies and what looked to be a Christmas card. I smiled, one of the positives of our building was the copious friendly elderly neighbours that often appeared at our door with various baked goods. Maggie had decided on the day we moved in that both of us were too thin and had made it her mission to fatten us up. Needless to say we were huge fans. 

“The mailman delivered some of our mail to her. Not that it is _our_ mail. It’s for a W. Parker who apparently lives with us. You know this has happened a couple of times over at Aaron’s. Oh well, there’s a return address in Boston, I’ll post it back when I get a chance.” She kept mumbling all the way to the kitchen but was drowned out by Milo who’d run after her to see what cookies we had.

“So what are the plans for the rest of the festive season?” Vince asked, turning my thoughts away from the letter and back towards my first Christmas with my wife and her family. It was going to be the best Christmas yet.                         


	15. Eve

**15\. Eve**

**“One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” ― J.K. Rowling**

**Marley POV**

The darkness had been a soothing, numbing nothingness. No dreams, no memories just quiet. Peace. A warm scratching on my neck began to draw me out of the blackness. As I began to gain full consciousness I realised Spencer was kissing my neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh there. I could feel his weight hovering above me, one hand resting on either side of my face as his hair tickled my ear. I finally opened my eyes to find Spencer’s light brown hair, mused from sleep, in my peripheral vision as he continued to place kisses along my jawline and down my neck. I shut my eyes and sunk back into the pillow as his tongue licked a line across my jaw. This was perhaps one of the best wake-up calls I’d ever had. 

“Merry Christmas.” I whispered and felt him pause in his ministrations, before leaning up so I could see his hazel eyes brimming with happiness as he moved his attentions towards my mouth. Once we parted I leaned back against the pillows and smiled contently up at Spence, who had moved to suspend himself over me, his body making light, sporadic contact with mine as his arms shook with the exertion of keeping his weight off me. I leaned up and kissed him again, only deeper this time as I pulled on his arms until he’d settled his weight on his elbows rather than his hands so our bodies were barely an inch apart. When we pulled away I stayed leaning against him, our noses brushing as the air we both breathed out mingled in the space between us. I couldn’t help but grin up at my beaming husband. “Well, I can think of worst ways to wake up.”

“Thought you might enjoy it.” He smirked as he leaned down again to kiss me. “Merry Christmas darling.”

Spencer finally flopped back on the bed and gathered me up in his arms. We were lounging on our sofa bed in our spare room which Spencer had commandeered as his office/ library for all the books that we’d run out of room for in the living room. I’d made Spencer lock away every single case file and detective memoirs to make it easier for me to sleep in here. It was actually surprisingly comfortable on the sofa bed, and as Spence had pointed out we were further away from the rest of our family than if we were in our bedroom. That was a blessing as we’d spent a large portion of the night trying not to giggle too loudly as we’d talked and kissed until we fell asleep.

“I have a present for you.” Spencer whispered, his cheeks tinged red making me wonder what kind of present he’d squirreled away for me away from my family. He leaned down and stretched under his desk where he’d stuffed his messenger bag last night, from it he pulled a white box tied with a purple lace ribbon. I grinned as I took the box, placing a quick kiss on his cheek before untying the silky bow and pulling the lid off the box to find matching purple tissue paper. Nestled in between the folds was black lace lingerie. I pulled it out of the box and held it up over my old grey vest top; it was beautiful although I was shocked Spencer had brought it. I looked up at him to find him torn; half appreciating the lingerie and half embarrassed that he’d brought it.

“It’s beautiful. We can try it out when we’re alone in our hotel next week.” I grinned coyly and leaned forward to kiss him.

“Marley! Spencer! Wake Up!” The door banged open and reverberated off the wall behind it to revealing Milo bouncing in the doorway. I quickly stuffed my gift back in the box and hid it under the pillow. “Hey no fair, Dad said we had to wait for presents till everyone was here.”

“That was my fault, it was a special present and I couldn’t wait for her to open it.” Spencer explained as he wrapped and arm around me and smiled up at my annoyed little brother. Thankfully his desire to wake up everyone else so he could open all the non- special present meant he ran off without asking for more details. I couldn’t help smiling wistfully as I watched him run bounding down the hall; he was twelve, thirteen in a few months. The baby of the family was about to become a teenager, soon we’d have to contend with the mood swings rather than the contagious enthusiasm he’d woken up with today. I could still remember the excitement of waking up and thinking Santa had been; racing into my parents’ bedroom with my fairy princess stocking trailing on the floor behind me. My Dad wouldn’t even care that he it was five in the morning, he’d throw me up in the air and tickle me until I cried with laughter. Then, when I was really young, my two happy parents would watch on as I investigated my stocking, letting out little shouts of joy every time I found something exciting.                                      

“Shall we?” Spence asked, bringing me out of my revere as he kissed me before pulling himself off the sofa bed and pulling on a t-shirt and sweats so he was presentable while I wrestled one of his long sleeve dress shirts out of his go bag and slid it on over my vest top and shorts. Yet another good thing about Christmas; it was perfectly acceptable to sit round in your PJ’s until noon. My Dad was already in there with Milo and Jamie who were two excitable bundles flipping through the TV channels and eyeing the presents under the Christmas tree. My Dad grabbed both of us into a hug and jovially wished us a Merry Christmas. The start of a perfect Christmas.

“Merry Christmas Jack!” I yelled, two hours later, as he bounded into our apartment wearing a festive red sweater with a reindeer on it. He was shortly followed by Aaron and Jess who were carrying several bags between them. We had only marginally more subdued greetings, even Aaron could turn into a big kid at Christmas. Our happy greetings were a far cry from the first Christmas we’d ever spent together. I’d only been out of hospital a few weeks and it was Aaron and Jack’s first Christmas without Haley. My family came to visit, seeing as I hadn’t yet managed to leave the comfortable confines of Aaron’s apartment. Unfortunately it meant my Father saw how far gone I was, and he noticed the still vivid red marks on my wrist from my attempt to take my own life. He spent about an hour locked in a bathroom while we all pretended not to hear the muffled sobs through the walls. All the while I curled further and further into Spencer as I prayed for the world to swallow me up so I didn’t have to face life anymore. As for Jack’s first Motherless Christmas, well, we spent the whole day trying desperately to make it good for Jack by playing games and giving him almost everything on his Christmas list, but he still went to bed crying himself to sleep. So did I. And I was pretty sure Aaron did the same.

Yeah, perfect Christmas.

Today however, Jack was already bouncing around playing with Milo who was suitably hyperactive after eating the chocolate in his stocking the moment we woke up. I felt Spencer’s hand on the small of my back and leaned back onto his well-placed shoulder.  His lips met my ear and whispered a dedication of love before releasing me so he could open the door for our final guest. Dave also came to our door will an armful of bags that clinked as he entered. I guess he’d kept his promise to bring some of his collection of wines for the occasion. As he’d told me “hopefully I’ll be drinking for the fun of it and not out of necessity like at my brother’s.”

“Can we open presents _now?”_  Jack pleaded with his Dad as the final member of our group took a seat.

“Yeah Marley already got one!” Milo complained and I felt a blush spread across my face as I prayed Milo would _shut up_ and my Father and surrogate Father wouldn’t start questioning my private gift.

“She did?” My Dad turned a questioning glance towards me and I felt myself subconsciously move away from Spencer.

“It was a present from Spence, we…”

“Say no more, it’s Morgan who seems to have a vested interest in your sex life.” Dave smirked and I glowered at him. I mean there was a time and a place for jokes about my sex life and Christmas morning with my family certainly wasn’t it. Thankfully my Father seemed to agree that the secret present should stay secret and quickly told Milo he could start handing out presents. Jack curled up beside me on the couch as he eagerly awaited the mountain of presents he was sure to get in front of him. Subconsciously I began running my hand through his shaggy dirty blond hair, a habit I’d picked up when he was a tiny five year old and had yet to break. Sadly as he’d grown up he’d shrugged off the gesture in public with the immortal words “I’m not a baby anymore” that I was sure I was going to hear a lot more of soon. Although I had to be grateful that his stance was repealed at home when he still came and curled up with me on the sofa of an evening and today, in the spirit of Christmas, he didn’t even shove off my affections in public. Perhaps it was my Christmas present. Watching my brothers’ and Jack open their presents always made me smile; especially my brothers, we hadn’t grown up with much and now we could afford a little bit more their gratitude and happiness was palpable. Not that I was immune to the pleasures of presents, although my favourite had to be the necklace ‘Jack’ had brought me. A simple gold chain with the golden figurine of a Labrador hanging from it. I’d laughed for a good five minutes before pulling my hair up off the nape of my neck to allow Aaron to secure it around my neck. The small figurine came to lay against my collarbone, a small abnormal weight but one I knew I soon wouldn’t be able to live without.

As the last few presents from under the tree were being opened Spencer suddenly untangled himself from our entwined limbs and headed for the door saying he had to go get something from next door. Rossi gave me a quizzical look but I just shrugged, I honestly had no idea what he had up his sleeve, but then that was what you had to expect when you married a magician. He appeared back a minute or two later carrying what looked like a wicker picnic basket.

“You pre-prepared dinner?” I asked and he rolled his eyes at me before placing the basket on my lap.

“It’s something for when I’m away. Merry Christmas.” I smiled and leaned up to kiss him, as I did so something in the box moved and I was pretty sure righted itself of its own accord.

“What the hell?” I muttered as I quickly unfastened the latch and pushed open the lid to reveal a small furry mound curled up in the corner. It turned at the sudden intrusion into its personal space and gazed up at me with bright green eyes before jumping up so it could lean against the side of the basket to survey its new home. “You got us a cat?”

“Do you like her?” He looked nervously into the basket at the small critter currently clawing playfully at my extended hand. “I know its…”

“I love her!” I laughed as I pulled the tiny kitten out of the basket and held her in my hands; she was a tiny waif of a thing, probably the runt of the litter which seemed strangely appropriate when you considered who it was coming to live with, she was entirely black apart from white splodges around her left eye and front two paws. The aforementioned paws reached forward and nimbly landed a playful swipe at my nose. I caught Jack’s awe filled eyes as he regarded my new little kitten and couldn’t help but smile at the delight in his face. The tiny bundled seemed to sense the adoration flowing from him and struggled out of my grip onto Jack’s lap, purring all the way. “Well, I think she’ll do as your replacement when you’re gone Spence, won’t she Jack?”

“Yes!” He yelped, which startled the poor kitten but she didn’t bolt like I thought she would, the thing had pluck. Watching the little creature burrowing into the sofa beside Jack brought yet another smile to my face, it would be nice to have a pet. I’d never had one before, only a goldfish I’d won playing a fairground game, and I wasn’t really sure a fish that just stared gormlessly out at us and went to the great fishbowl in the sky about a month later really counted. I doubted Spence had had a pet either, he’d certainly never mentioned one to me, the only time he talked about animals usually included a “Reid effect” anecdote. This little thing was a new adventure for the both of us, I flicked my gaze back to Spence and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“She’s perfect.” He blushed before murmuring that we needed to think about a name for her. Something Christmassy I thought would be appropriate; after much debating we settled on Eve for our little bundle of fluff. She’d quickly gotten bored of Jack’s affections and moved on to exploring her new home, especially the kitchen where she sat meowing the whole time while we made Christmas dinner, although her pestering worked on all of us, even the stoical Aaron, as she was fed titbits from everyone’s plates. Needless to say I think she was enjoying her newfound family. Despite Spence’s protests that animals always took a great dislike to him, Eve curled up diligently on his lap after dinner as we gathered round to watch a Christmas movie. Knowing Garcia would get a kick out of the scene I dug my phone out of the side of the sofa and snapped a picture of the two of them.  **Merry Christmas! Hope you’re having a fantastic day! My present from Spence :) xxx**

Two seconds later Garcia messaged me back a picture of a ginger kitten gnawing on a green Christmas stocking in front of a roaring fireplace. **Do you think Reid and Kevin went shopping together? ;) Merry Xmas Marls! xxxx** I couldn’t help laughing as I showed it off to Aaron and Dave who were squished on either side of me. One thing this holiday had definitely taught me was that we needed less bookcases and more seating if we were ever going to have this many people over again.

“Well as lovely as this is Marls I need to pop out for a little bit.” Jesse stated as he extracted himself from the beanbag on the floor.

“It’s Christmas, every where’s shut, where the hell are you going?” Dad asked but Jesse only mumbled something about visiting a friend before beating a hasty retreat out the door, stemming any further arguments from my Dad.

“Must be his girl.” Dave mused and all of us whipped round to stare at him open mouthed.

“A girl?” About five of us repeated dumbly, still staring in shock at Dave. It wasn’t that Jesse hadn’t had girls before. Not girlfriends, they never lasted that long. They were more like one night flings. Another part of his cliché bad boy persona that had on increased exponentially since he’d started college and met Derek Morgan. Either way the idea of him having a girl seemed vaguely ridiculous.

“Well the last few times I’ve been to the academy I saw him getting cosy with a pretty little redhead. He even introduced me to her the last time I saw him; Melissa, I think.”

“Well, that’s a Christmas miracle if ever there was.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\      

“Christ, that boy. It’s Christmas and we’ve barely seen him.” My Father grumbled as he checked his watch for the twentieth time that hour. It was almost nine and we’d been playing one of the board games Jack had got for Christmas in teams; Milo, Jack and Jamie were winning, not because us adults were letting them out of Christmas spirit but because they were the only ones young enough to understand what the hell you had to do. Our jovial shouting and laughter had scared Eve out of the living room; the last time I’d seen her she was curled up under the bed in our room behind a box to hide from the rest of the world.

“I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually.” I shrugged, Jesse had always been a law onto himself, and if he was having fun with a girl he wasn’t going to come back to his pedestrian family Christmas.

“Yeah, he’ll come back with lipstick on his collar stinking of perfume.” Nick smirked at me and I grinned back, although the smile was wiped off my face when Jack asked why he’d have lipstick on his clothes. It wasn’t long after that that the boys won the game to jubilant cheers, mostly from the rest of us who had been desperately praying for it to end. Jack and Milo raced off to find the next game to play which gave Aaron the chance he’d desperately craved to turn the television on and flick to the news channel. I guess it came from his job but he’d always been a little obsessive over watching the news of an evening when we’d lived together, and even the jovial atmosphere didn’t stop him wanting to see what depravity his Unsubs were doing. I rolled my eyes but didn’t comment as I listened to the usual Christmas news, slightly more upbeat than usual with pop pieces on local shelters and the heart-warming story of a dog rescued from a frozen lake. And then the breaking news took over. The news studio flicked to a street in downtown DC where two people had been stabbed to death. It was stupid, losing someone like that must be devastating no matter what time of the year it was, but it always seemed worse on a holiday. Perhaps because it was expected that for one day we would put all our differences aside and celebrate being part of humanity, hell even the Allies and the German’s had managed a Christmas day football match during the First World War. And yet there was always someone out there who was more than willing to break that hope.

The cameras were being held back from the crime scene and were having to make do speaking to those who had gathered from the surrounding buildings to see what had happened. Most gave generic statements about the “devastation” of such a crime and the sorrow they felt for the victims’ families, but then the microphone came to an elderly woman, perhaps in her sixties with wispy hair battered by the icy wind. She would have been attractive but for her the tears streaming from her bulging eyes down her blotchy red face.

“I saw it all.” She gasped out, fighting back sobs. “I heard screaming so I looked out the window. I thought it might be kids mucking around. They were only young, in their twenties. A tall dark haired boy and a ginger girl. The boy tried to protect the girl, God he tried, but that bastard had a knife. There was nothing he could do. Nothing anyone could do.”    


	16. Twins

**16\. Twins**

**“If you have a sister and she dies, do you stop saying you have one? Or are you always a sister, even when the other half of the equation is gone?” ― Jodi Picoult**

**Spencer POV**

“Hi this is Jesse, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

“Jesse, its Spence. Please, please call me back as soon as you get this message. Jesse, listen, something’s happened, a stabbing, and, ah, we think… God we think it might be you. Please _Please_ just call me back.” Reluctantly I ended the call and turned away from the bleak night sky back towards my family. They looked how I felt; Vince was also desperately calling Jesse although by his devastated tear stained expression he had had as much luck as me. Marley was watching Hotch with wild doe eyes as he called his contacts with MPD to see if they had identified the victims. It wasn’t the first time I wished I’d believed in a God I could pray to but this time I prayed anyway; I prayed to anything that was out there. Jesse didn’t deserve to die, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve to die like that. Marley turned to regard me with tear filled eyes and I instantly moved towards her, wrapping an arm around her. She leaned her head against my shoulder, her fragile form shaking silently as tears spilled down her cheeks; I couldn’t think of anything to say. Fake reassurances of “it’s probably not him” wouldn’t cut it with anyone so I figured it was best to stay silent. Marley suddenly wrapped one sleeved arm around my neck so she could hug me properly, her entire body falling into mine as if she had no strength left to hold her own body up. “I’m here.” I whispered quietly, the only thing I _could_ promise her with any certainty. God, this wasn’t happening, bile swirled in my stomach, working its way up to tickle the back of my throat and I had to keep gulping to keep from gagging. In my mind’s eye I could see Jesse lying alone on an icy pavement, blood pooling around him. A textbook crime scene photograph. He was my brother. My little kid brother. He should be here with us watching cheesy Christmas movies and playing charades. Not lying cold somewhere. The room went blurry and I wanted to scrub my eyes to rid the unshed tears from my eyes but I couldn’t let go of Marley so I let them fall, not even wiping them away, just letting them fall unobstructed as I clung to my wife, wishing I could wake up out of this nightmare. Over Marley’s shoulder I saw Hotch clutching the phone tightly against his ear but he was turned away from the room so I had no idea what was going on. I mean there had to be more than one young couple, one of them a ginger girl, wandering round on Christmas. It was a coincidence. A hideous coincidence. Of course the FBI had taught me that nine times out of ten coincidences didn’t exist.

Hotch turned and caught my eye over her shoulder, his face as unreadable as ever, but he put the phone down and moved towards the centre of the room. With every step he took the temperature in the room dropped ten degrees by the time he was in front of us it felt as though our breath should crystalize in front of our faces.

“He’s alive.” Marley let out a relieved sob and Vince let out a chocked sound that took me back to a hospital four years ago when he heard his daughter had made it out of surgery. “It was him, well they think it was him, and his girlfriend. They were both attacked and she died but he… he’s been taken to the hospital.”

“They think?” I asked, because it was easier to focus on his odd turn of phrase than the emotional turmoil inside me. He was alive. It was better than the news reel had led us to believe and for that I had to be thankful but he’d been stabbed, attacked in the street in an attack that had killed his girlfriend. Yes, he was alive, but the statistics running through my head told me how quickly that could change. _My little brother…_

“Yes, the boy had a wallet with Jesse’s name on the cards but no picture ID so they can’t be certain until one of us formally identifies him, however the description he gave and the cards… I think it’s him.”

“Did they say how… how bad he is?” Marley whispered, sniffling slightly as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

“It’s touch and go, Marls.” He whispered, as if it caused him physical pain, he leaned down and grasped her hand. “But if there’s one thing I know about your family, is that you’re fighters.”

“Thank you.” She whispered, silent tears still falling down her cheeks as she stood up on quaking legs. I followed suit, knowing that being close to Jesse would make this nightmare marginally more bearable. At least we’d know quickly if anything happened. Jess agreed to stay with the kids while the rest of us headed to the hospital. We had to split over two cars; Rossi drove Marls, Nick and I while Hotch took Vince and VJ. Much like every other trip to the hospital the ride was silent, the air settling oppressively around us until it seemed to be a struggle to breathe. I took several deep gulps of air as my heart thundered against my rib cage. If we didn’t reach the hospital soon I was sure it would smash its way out of my chest. I wish I’d been next to Marley, focusing on keeping her strong gave me something to focus on rather than my own horrifying thoughts. Instead I’d taken the passenger seat so she could sit in the back with her little brother; allowing him to cling to her like a baby monkey as he stared straight ahead, as if he could move the hospital closer by sheer strength of will alone.    

“He’s alive.” Nick announced suddenly, the first time anyone had spoken since Rossi had started the engine. “I’d know if he was dead. I’d feel it.”

“Didn’t know you two were in to twin telepathy?” Rossi asked, flicking a concerned gaze in the rear-view mirror.

“We’re not, I mean we can’t read each other’s thoughts or feel each other’s pain. None of that crap. But I’d know if he was dead. I’d feel it. Jesse’s so full of life, there’s no way he’s gone. He was born first, you know, always had to be ahead, but he always loved me. Dad used to say we were really bad sleepers and they’d walk us up and down all night. Then they discovered if they laid us down together we’d be out like a light. There’s something different about having a twin to having a sibling, they understand you in ways no one else possibly could. Promise me when he wakes up you won’t tell him that, he’d never stop laughing. Probably pull out all his stitches.” He let out a strange laugh sob and angrily swiped at his eyes. “He’s alive.” He whispered, although I wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince more; us or himself. 

“We promise.” Marley whispered quietly, the tear tracks down both sides of her face glistening in the oncoming headlights. I quickly turned back to the road in front as Rossi hit the gas a little harder, his knuckles white as he squeezed the steering wheel. I’d never been quite so grateful to see the turn off for the hospital, even if it only meant we’d move to anxiously pacing a waiting room. At least I could hold Marley.

A grim faced detective met us in the lobby clutching an evidence bag, I’d never met him but I assumed he was one of Aaron’s contacts as the two instantly shook hands. Aaron introduced the rest of us but my mind was too frazzled and despite owning an eidetic memory I instantly balnked his name. We impatiently nodded trying not to be rude but really wanting to bypass him and go to the reception desk to see if there was any news on Jesse. Although the evidence bag was becoming a bigger and bigger curiosity the longer I stared at it; it was a small object, obscured by the detective’s hands but it had to have been important for him to bring it straight to the hospital. 

“Detective, I know it is important to find who did this, God knows I do, but I have to see my boy so if we can do this in a minute?” Vince gestured desperately towards the reception desk, his eyes begging to be released from this interrogation.

“I know, Mr Prince, just one moment so we can establish whether or not it actually is your son. Is this his wallet?” He pulled a latex glove from his pocket and used it to extract the black leather wallet, it was hardly unique in any way but once he opened it, the cards (alphabetised because despite everything Jesse was very into order) and the to do list he kept beside the few notes he had, indicated beyond any doubt that the boy fighting for his life somewhere in this maze of a hospital was indeed Jesse.

“That’s his wallet. I mean usually he has his driver’s licence in there but everything else is his.” Vince whispered, tears welling in his eyes as he noted the dried blood stain on the corner of the black leather.

“And what was he wearing when he left your house?”

“Jeans, black converse, red dress shirt and a black leather jacket. Oh and leather gloves.” I rattled off quickly, putting my eidetic memory to good use.

“I think it’s safe to say it’s your son. I’ll let you find out more but from what I know he’s still in surgery.”

“Why was it given out on the news that he died?” I asked, unsure why it had been kept so cloak and dagger, was he still in danger? Was there a personal motive? Had he got involved in something he shouldn’t have?

“Um… why doesn’t Mr Prince go and find out more from the Doctors while Hotch and I talk.” The detective offered and Vince took the offer gratefully, I was all ready to follow after Marley but she gently caught my arm and whispered for me to stay and find out what I could. I turned back to Rossi, Hotch and the detective.

“There’s something more going on here than a one off stabbing isn’t there?” Rossi asked as we moved towards the wall, away from the throngs of people constantly entering and exiting.

“We think it could be a spree. There have been four attacks in the last few hours; Mr Prince and Miss Ryder were the final but that could change. We’ve pulled in every cop still in the area but we were worried about Mr Prince’s safety so when the press mistakenly released two deaths we decided not to correct it in case they tried to finish the job. Don’t worry we’ve got heightened security in the hospital. Something’s not right out there. Honestly I think we’re about ready to call some profilers in.” Rossi and I shared uneasy glances, this night had taken a pretty crazy turn.  Hotch gave him a card with Strauss’ number on before excusing us so we could head on through the hospital.  Marley had left instructions at the front desk and we followed them up two flights of stairs and down a long winding corridor to ICU. One of the many perks of FBI badges was that no nurses asked questions or for proof that we were blood relatives. Instead one perky blonde nurse pointed out a room to her right. The ICU had eight rooms arranged around the central nurses’ station with a waiting room just off the entrance. All the doors and walls were glass so the nurses could see straight into the patients for constant monitoring. The room she pointed to, although I could have guessed it was our destination from my wife leaning against the open door, contained a bed with a lanky back figure laying comatose on it.

“Thank God.” I yelled, because in that moment I honestly could have believed there was a deity watching over that family; Marley had had more near death experiences then anyone I knew and now her- our- little brother had managed to survive a brutal spree attack. Although of course if you followed the deity logic further then you’d ask why he would have let any of this happen in the first place. I pushed any philosophical debate to the back of my mind as I grabbed my wife’s arm and pulled her into the tightest hug I could.

“They just brought him down.” She whispered against my chest before pulling back and looking into my eyes. Tears still streamed down her blotchy face but this time they were of relief. I knew mine were. “They said it’s bordering on a miracle. He was stabbed nine times but each one missed his vital organs. It’s a miracle. They actually think he’s going to be fine.”

“A miracle.” I repeated as I kissed her forehead, although something about her statement bugged me. It seemed like _too_ much of a miracle, but I pushed that thought deep down into the recesses of my brain and focused on my family who had come to join us in the doorway and rejoice that my little brother was going to pull through.

They’d warned us that Jesse may take several hours to regain consciousness and even then he wouldn’t be coherent probably until the morning, but neither of us were leaving. Vince and Nick kept a constant vigil at Jesse’s bedside while VJ, Marley and I wandered between the room, the doorway and the waiting room which had a semi decent coffee machine that Hotch and Rossi were making good use of. Rossi had called Strauss who promised to keep us informed of any developments, apparently she had sent a team but so far there had been no more attacks. The Unsub seemed to be taking a break to decide their next move. God only knew what that would be.

 It had been on one of our trips to the waiting room that Nick had come running with news that Jesse was stirring. Marley grinned at me and I felt relief wash over me at the thought of finally seeing him awake before grabbing my hand as if to drag me to his room, not that I needed much persuasion. The relief didn’t last long as Vince appeared in the doorway looking angsty. The machines weren’t screeching so he had to be fine, hadn’t he?

“He’s asking for you Aaron.”

“Aaron?” Nick asked, his voice tinged with disappointment that Jesse hadn’t wanted his twin, or even his Father. Instead he wanted his landlord. I murmured that it was probably the drugs before following a nervous Aaron into the room.

“Jesse?” Aaron asked tentatively as he headed towards the bed. Jesse’s eyes were closed and for a minute I’d thought he’d drifted back into unconsciousness but at the sound of his name he murmured and slightly tilted his head towards the noise.

“Message.” He slurred and Marley’s hand found mine, smothering it in a vice like grip. “He message.”

“Who had a message?” Aaron repeated as he moved even closer to the bed. Jesse waved a tired hand over his body, indicating his attacker. “What did he say?”

“He said… tell you… he’s back.” 

  


	17. Alias

**17\. Alias**

**Marley POV**

“Jesse! Jesse!” Aaron barked urgently but delivering his dire message seemed to have exhausted him as his eyes closed and Aaron’s desperate please did nothing to rouse him. I could tell he wanted to shake my brother awake but regained controlled at the last moment and ran out the room with Dave and Spence following suit. My Dad looked desperately at me for answers but I shrugged, feeling the ground quake beneath my feet as though I was walking along a tightrope and one wrong move would send me hurtling into the abyss. Unable to stand the anger gnawing in my gut at the idea that Aaron had somehow caused this I stormed out of the room and down to the waiting area where I knew they would have congregated.

“Do you know who he means?” I asked, barely supressed rage seeping into my voice as I stared Aaron down. The three of them looked guiltily at me but remained tight light. It only served to piss me off more and I continued to glower at them. I wasn’t moving from this spot until someone told me what the hell was going on.

“We don’t know anything for…” Rossi trailed off as my glare intensified.

“Tell me _everything._ Now.” I Turned to Spencer, knowing he was the most likely to give in and confess everything they knew or had surmised from Jesse’s garbled message. However it was Aaron who whispered what I guessed was a name so quietly that I couldn’t make it out.

“Foyet.” Spence clarified for me. “I… we think he means Foyet. The Reaper. The one who…”

“Killed Haley.” I finished for him feeling as though a gust of wind had smashed into the tightrope and sent me tumbling down into the darkness. Towards hell. “He’s dead. You all told me he was dead.”

“He is. Foyet _is_ dead.” Aaron had finally found his voice but the intensity with which he pronounced Foyet’s death made me wonder who he was trying to convince.

“This must be a copycat, don’t worry we’re going to keep you and Jack safe.” Spencer promised as he rubbed a hand up and down my arm but I shrugged him off.

“My brother is clinging to life in the other room because of a mad man who died over four years ago. So what happens now? Who is he? How… how did he know Jesse lived with you? Oh God… he’s been watching us hasn’t he?” I closed my eyes and accepted Spencer’s embrace although feeling his muscles trembling only helped to empathised how far off the reservation this day had gone. Another freak following us and we all knew how well that turned out last time. How long had he been watching us? Planning to attack my brother, leave him with the same scars that haunted Aaron to this very day. 

“Listen we’re going to take this case and find out who the hell is doing this. This ends now. Foyet is dead and his memory is not going to haunt us anymore.” Aaron promised, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder as I turned round In Spencer’s arms to meet his eyes. The anger and determination I’d expected but the unadulterated fear shocked me to the core. Aaron was never scared. Never. But right now it was clear on his face. Vulnerable was never a word I would use to describe Aaron and yet right now it was the only one I could think of to describe him. I felt stupid for not thinking of it before; this Unsub was channelling the man who had stabbed Aaron nine times in his home, had killed Haley and tried to kill Jack. Jack. Dear God….

“Jack’s alone.” I whispered although the realisation must have dawned on him at the same time as the fear in his eyes intensified and he grabbed his phone while simultaneously spinning on his heel and racing out of the room. I sprinted after him, my sneakers slapping down obscenely loudly on the lino as my breath came in ragged gasps. We’d left him alone, vulnerable, what if the unsub decided to do the one thing that Foyet had never been able to.

Kill Jack.

“Jessica! Jessica! Thank God!” Aaron sounded like he was about to cry as Jess picked up the phone but he didn’t slow down, just kept ploughing on at a near brutal pace down the stairs towards the exit. “Is Jack safe?.... No Jesse is going to be fine… Just keep all the doors and windows locked… No, no everything’s alright… Just don’t open the door to anyone… Promise me…. I’m on my way… No, no don’t hang up, just stay there.”

I understood his desperation to hear what was going on, even if we couldn’t quite get there yet. Jess, Milo, Jamie and Jack seemed incredibly vulnerable right now. It was obscene to think that just a few hours ago we’d been happily having a normal family Christmas. Now we were all being stalked by yet another Unsub. Aaron stumbled out of the hospital entrance into the blisteringly cold night air and paused. His head swivelling this way and that as he tried to remember where he’d left his car. I grabbed his arm as I narrowly avoided crashing into his back but I used the momentum to pull him to the left, remembering where Dave had parked despite the fact I’d been in a daze throughout the entire ride. Aaron didn’t need to be asked twice as he followed me but he kept his hand clasped in mine, hanging on for dear life but I didn’t care. Feeling his familiar gun calloused grip made me feel safe and strong. We had to pause for breath when we reached Rossi’s black SUV as Dave and Spence lagged somewhat behind, probably having to apologise to all the people we’d barged passed in our desperation to get home. Dave was gasping for breath when he joined us by the car but sensed Aaron’s desperation and threw him the keys; there was no point trying to stop him driving. I hopped in the back beside Spencer and allowed myself to melt into his embrace. As he started the engine Aaron unceremoniously threw the phone back at me, obviously realising it wasn’t the best idea to drive like a maniac and spiel fake reassurances at Jess at the same time.

“Its Marls, Jess.”

“What the hell is going on, Marls? Is Jesse alright? Why do I have to keep all the doors locked?” She began babbling feeling safe in the knowledge that I wouldn’t shout her down like Aaron would when he’s stressed.

“They think Jesse will be fine but the person who did it is still out there which is why Aaron wants you to stay indoors. He’s sent for a squad car though so don’t worry, we’ll be there soon. Are the boys okay?”

“They’re all asleep, Marley.” It suddenly struck me how late it must be, I pulled the phone away from my ear so I could check the time. It was almost three in the morning. I’d been awake for twenty three hours now but I honestly felt as though I would never sleep again; adrenaline was pumping through my veins, keeping me buzzing. Apparently my brother nearly dying and the rest of my family being in mortal peril was better than a double shot espresso. “Your brothers tried to stay awake but after they heard he was going to live they sort of collapsed. And Jack’s been asleep for hours. Not a peep out of any of them.

“Good, can you just stay in the room with Jack.” I practically pleased; glad he was able to sleep peacefully through this nightmare but my mind was in overdrive, playing me visions of a black figure slipping through the window and heading for my vulnerable little boy.

“Marls what’s really going on?”

“Just humour me please.” I begged and she sighed an agreement. She knew there was something we were keeping from her but she also knew us well enough to know that there was a reason for us not telling her over the phone so she accepted my silence and continued our rather strained conversation.

“How’s your Dad?”

“He’s holding it together. I don’t know what he would…”My voice cracked as I imagined the prospect of losing my little brother. We’d come so close, so so close to burying him; if the knife had pierced him at a different angle then… I shut my eyes against the image of coffins and blood and my brother’s lifeless body as he lay on the hospital bed. It was all too much. Spence’ bony arms wrapped around me and held me tight as I took several deep breaths to try and quell the hysterical tears I could feel bubbling beneath the surface. I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth and closed my eyes against the burn of unshed tears building up in my eyes. Jess quickly changed the conversation and I focused on the superficial topics as Aaron hurtled along the deserted streets.

Jessica must have heard the car screech to a treacherous stop across two spaces because she was waiting at the front door to welcome us in. Aaron barged passed with barely a nod in her direction to find his son while the rest of us loitered in the hallway. Unsure what to say or how to tell her that Foyet’s ghost had arisen. The Ghost of Christmas past. In the end she merely flung her arms around me and whispered that Jesse would be alright. 

“Don’t be nice to me, it’ll just make me cry again.” I laughed bitterly through the tears that were already stinging my corneas but she continued to hug me.

“You can cry if you want, I’ll look after you. But honey, what’s happening? Why did you all suddenly rush back?” I stiffened at the question even though I knew it had been coming. Why did I have to be the one to break the latest little gem to her? Thankfully Aaron appeared from checking on Jack and put a gentle arm on her shoulder, taking the proverbial baton from me. At his reappearance I felt a little of the tension ease out of my shoulders as he quietly explained that they thought someone was copying Foyet’s crimes. Her legs gave way and the two of us had to hold her steady as she let out a long, low wail of agony; in between her sobs she kept mumbling words but the only one I could make out was ‘Jack’. I understood her sentiment, I wanted nothing more than to race into his room and hold him tightly but I was currently part of the support system keeping Jessica upright. Aaron met my gaze and thrust his head towards the sofa and I was more than grateful to help haul her over and set her down. She pulled her knees up to her chest and burrowed her head in between them so her blonde curly hair flopped around her creating a curtain. She looked much younger, a small child who needed protecting. While I’d known her just after her sister died we hadn’t been particularly close so I hadn’t seen her grieve for her sister in the same way I’d witnessed the acute pain of Aaron and Jack’s loss. Now though I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and promise her that everything would be alright; that the monster who murdered her sister wouldn’t get her nephew.

“I’ll head over to the police station and find out what’s going on then I’ll call Strauss and the rest of our team. You and Reid stay here, Aaron. Keep an eye on everything and I’ll call you as soon as I get any news.” If I was honest I’d completely forgotten that Rossi and Spence had followed us up here but was glad as soon as that familiar gravelly voice took control of the situation; no one else here seemed to be in the right frame of mind to do it. I was waiting for Aaron to complain, to offer to go with him but he didn’t. Instead he continued to rub Jess’ back and throw furtive glances down the hallway that led to Jack’s room.

“Thanks Dave.” I whispered, since no one else seemed willing to speak. He nodded before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. I heard Spencer lock the door and pull the deadbolt across, the metallic grind against the wooden door sounded ominous. I didn’t feel safe in this house anymore, instead it felt as though we were barricading ourselves in, stealing ourselves for a siege. A sudden movement in the corner of my eye made me jump off the sofa, my heart flying out of my chest as I spun round to confront the masked attacker. Instead all I found was little Eve stalking the shadows by the kitchen door, I let out a little relieved laugh that hiccupped into a sob before getting up and pulling the reluctant little kitten into my arms. She squirmed slightly in my grip but I held her close and leaned my cheek against her silky soft fur. Spencer appeared beside me and ran a hand through Eve’s fur before letting his fingers rest on mine, one rubbing my wedding ring.

“I promised to protect you and I will.” He whispered quietly.

“It’s not me I’m worried about. It’s Jack.”

“I’ll protect him too.” I gave him a small smile, thankful for the sentiment, but really? Really I wished he didn’t have to protect us in the first place.   

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Spencer Reid POV**

The sky was just starting to brighten in the East as I sat in the window seat surveying the street below our apartment. It was the best window to watch the comings and goings of the entrance to our building, with my gun strapped to my side. I’d never been armed in my own home, it had always been a safe place, a sanctuary from the darkness. Now it felt like a military base. There was a squad car out front and a black SUV out back while Hotch and I patrolled the inside of the house. Hotch had ended up keeping watch in Jack’s room while I stayed in the living room with Marley who had eventually succumbed to sleep and was currently nestled under my jacket. I’d spoken to Vince at the hospital and had filled him in somewhat on what we knew, he deserved that much although I didn’t think it had made him feel any better. At least Jesse was still stable and sleeping peacefully. I was about to make a beeline for the kitchen, almost twenty five hours without sleep turned coffee into a necessity rather than a luxury, when my phone began vibrating in my pocket. I grabbed it off the table; half hoping to hear from Rossi and half dreading that particular call.

“Hello.” I whispered, my voice sounding slightly pathetic in my ears but Garcia didn’t seem to care.

“Spence! You’ve got me, Morgan, JJ and Prentiss.” Garcia squealed urgently in my ear.

“Conference call at five in the morning, that’s never good. What’s happened Pretty Boy? Strauss was being cryptic when she phoned.”

“There’s been a series of attacks that we think were from a copycat killer. Someone copying Foyet.”

“Foyet! Oh God how’s Hotch?” JJ whispered in shock.

“He… he’s been better. The thing is he… he attacked Jesse to get to Hotch.” I trailed off waiting for one of them to reply. It was impressive that the line could stay so quiet for so long. Eventually Garcia’s trembling voice, still barely more than a whisper, asked if he was alive.

“He’ll live. He was stabbed nine times, sound familiar? And when he woke up he had a message for Hotch saying “he’s back.” So we raced back to check on Jack but so far there haven’t been any more attacks. Rossi’s with the police now while Hotch and I stayed here in case….” I trailed off, unable to picture the scenario we were preparing for.  “Listen I know it’s Christmas and you’re all with your families but…”

“Reid! Honey we’re already booked on flights and trains back. Give us a few hours and we’ll  be working the profile and finding this creeper.” Garcia promised.

“I’ll call and see if I can get them to email over all the files they’ve got so far.” Morgan decided, already taking over the team while Hotch was otherwise engaged.

“They’re desperate for help. There have been four attacks in one night, with seven fatalities in total.”

“In one night? Even for a spree that’s excessive.” Prentiss queried

“And what now he’s just stopped?”

“It seems so. There hasn’t been any more reports for the minute but we have to act fast because God knows what he’s going to go after next. He’s… he’s been watching us… there’s no other way he could have known Jesse’s relation to Aaron or where he was going…”

“Reid.” JJ cut me off, her voice a plaintive cry as my tirade threatened to spill over into hysteria. “Reid no one is going to hurt her again. We’ll keep them all safe.”

“Hopefully there’s someone in the office I’ll get them to email our Foyet files over. It’ll be good to refresh our memories. The more we know about him hopefully the more we can learn about this new Unsub.” I nodded, forgetting that they couldn’t see me as I scanned my memory for every piece of evidence I’d amassed on Foyet; the profile, the victims, the self-mutilation, the aliases.

The aliases.  

_“The mailman delivered some of our mail to her. Not that it is our mail. It’s for a W. Parker who apparently lives with us. You know this has happened a couple of times over at Aaron’s. Oh well, there’s a return address in Boston, I’ll post it back when I get a chance.”_

W. Parker. William Parker was one of Foyet’s aliases.

“Marley! Marley wake up!” I screamed as I leapt over to her and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her viciously in my desperation for answers. She yelped slightly and pushed me away but sat up; awake but scared out of her mind.

“What’s happened? Is Jesse…?” She trailed off, her eyes bulging with fear as they searched my face for any clue as to what the hell had happened now.

“Where’s the letter? The one for William Parker?” I practically snarled at her, making her cringe away from me and pull her knees up to her chest to produce a physical barrier between us. Even that action didn’t calm me down; I was like a thing possessed and I had to know what the hell was in that letter.

“In… in my bag.”

“Who were the others from? The ones sent to Hotch’s?”

“Um… I don’t know…”

“Think!”

“Spence!” She yelped back and I took a deep breath before moving to sit next to her rather than bear down on her.  

“Please think baby.”

“Um… Holden…. Um maybe Barker?”

“Baskin?”

“Yeah something like that. And something beginning with R?”

“Rhea.” I clarified and she nodded, still looking quizzically but thinking better of it as I jumped up and began rooting through her purse. I could hear static from the phone as Garcia and the others tried in vain to catch my attention but I ignored them, hell bent on finding the letter. It was crumpled at the bottom of her purse in a cheap brown envelope which I unceremoniously ripped open. The Reaper’s famous eye was sketched in what looked like red crayon, underneath which was a series of numbers: 05.24.86-06.03.13.

“What is it?” Marley asked quietly, her warm breath blasting in my ear as she leaned over my shoulder to read it as I tried to work out the message. Perhaps a code, a taunt, an address like on the bus. Or a date?

“3rd June, that’s…”

“When Haley died. 2013 will be the fifth anniversary of her death.” Marley finished quietly, her brow creased as she stared at the paper.

“Oh God.” We whispered at the same time as the first date also clicked in our minds; Marley’s birthday.

“It’s like you’d see on a tombstone.” She whispered quietly while I wished she’d stop, my entire body was quivering from the threat in my hand. “A birth date and a death date. He’s going to kill me on Haley’s anniversary.” 

 


	18. Leaving

**18\. Leaving**

**“I love you. I love you. I send this message through my fingers and into his, up his arm and into his heart. Hear me. I love you. And I'm sorry to leave you.” ― Jenny Downham**

**Spencer Reid POV**

“Well, this is new.” Rossi whispered quietly as he turned the letter over in his hand as if the Unsub had written a blow by blow account of his plans on the back. The rest of the team were situated around our living room with Marley curled up on the sofa staring blankly ahead. I wanted to reach out and touch her but I’d learnt from an earlier attempt that she’d flinch away from physical contact. Instead she kept rubbing the faint scar lines on her wrist, an action that made my stomach flip as her nails traced the route the dreaded knife had taken all those years ago.

“He’s had unimaginable access to this case.” Morgan snapped as he held up the latest titbit he’d left us. Two pictures had been taped to Hotch’s apartment door. The first was a photocopy of the picture of Haley and Jack that the reaper had left for Hotch and beside it was an eerily similar grinning picture of Marls and Jack. Underneath in the same red crayon as the note he’d written _good luck._ Fucking Bastard. Morgan was right, this guy had to have an in at the FBI, or be one himself, there was no way he’d know this much any other way. The Reaper case had been kept strictly in house and the file was kept on a need to know basis.

“What… what are we going to do while we find him?” Emily asked quietly from her position leaning by the window, every so often she threw a furtive glance down at the street below but so far nothing had caught her eye. I let out a shuddering breath as I read the subtext: _What are we going to do with Marley and Jack until we find him?_

“Maybe we need to consider calling the Marshals for…”

“No.” Aaron snarled, grasping Marley’s arm in a vice like grip despite her whimpered protests. “That’s exactly what he wants. That’s where Haley…” He stopped letting out a shaky breath, his knuckles turning white from his grip on her arm. Marley moved her free hand over his and for a minute I thought she was going to wrench her arm out of his grip but instead she settled her hand over his and rubbed his knuckled gently.

“Aaron, what else can we do? He’s been watching you for months, he knows where you live, he could strike at any minute. We have to keep them safe, _all_ of you safe.” Rossi and Hotch exchanged a heated glance but, for once, Hotch was the first one to look away. A silent cue that he’d at least listen to the Marshals’ advice.

“Do I get a say in any of this?” Marley asked, her voice sounding shockingly calm despite the situation and her outward display of nervous energy. She removed her hand from its position on Hotch’s and I took the initiative and grabbed it in my own, wishing I could have seen the signs. After Jonathon I’d promised I’d keep her safe and now the Marshals were being called in and we’d have to move to God knows where while this Unsub continued terrorising D.C. 

“Of course.” I whispered, pressing my thumb down on the fleshy part of her hand as if for proof she was still sat beside me, we hadn’t already rushed her away to God knows where.

“Do you think I need to go? Are we really in danger?” Her brown eyes never left mine; it was my call. I was the only one she’d trust with this situation.

“It’ll only be for a little while. We’ll go away, the team will catch them and then we’ll come home.” I promised her and she nodded leaning her head back against the sofa and shutting her eyes. Her eyelids fluttered as her eyes watched unknown images and her mind worked over the situation. 

“Maybe it would be better if we split you up.” Rossi began and Marley’s head shot up, her eyes going wide but Rossi bulldozed ahead regardless. “Aaron and Jack go together and you and Reid go somewhere else. If he caught up with you it’d buy us some time. He wants the two of you together just like _before.”_

“No.” Hotch snarled with such ferocity Rossi actually took a step back, as if the force of his refusal had been a physical hit. He let go of Marley and shot up so he could look Rossi in the eye. “We stay together. Marley stays with _me._ I won’t let it happen again, I won’t let her go away somewhere I can’t protect her.”

“Okay.” Rossi held up his hands in surrender, knowing from Hotch’s tone that this was one battle he was never going to win. “The four of you can go together.”

“Three.” Marley’s voice was barely above a whisper but it still seemed to carry across the room with the weight of the meaning behind the word.

“Marley, _no.”_ I almost begged and she looked up at me, her eyes glistening with tears but her conviction shone through. She’d already made up her mind.

“They need you to catch this man.” She whispered, reaching out to touch me but I pulled back, knowing that if I gave an inch she’d win. And her winning this time didn’t mean we went to some horrific rom-com, it meant I’d lose her.

“They don’t need me.”

“Yes they do. An IQ of 187, eidetic memory and can read 20000 words a minute. They need you. And honestly, the four of us would stick out like a saw thumb. Spence it’ll be okay. Aaron will look after us and you’ll figure it out and catch him. Then I’ll come home and everything can go back to normal.” She made it sound so simple, as if her life wasn’t on the life, as if she was just going away for the weekend. Surely she couldn’t really understand what was happening? She couldn’t be so content with us splitting up indefinitely. If he was as good as Foyet I might never see her again. _Alive anyway._

“What if we don’t catch him? What if we _never_ catch him? What if I never see you again?” The last part came out as a whimper, I couldn’t let her go. I just couldn’t.

“If you don’t catch him then he’ll kill how many people? You’ll catch him. You _have_ too.” I had to give her that. There would be a pile of bodies if we didn’t catch him. A copycat never ended well. But he wasn’t Foyet, he wasn’t going to wait ten years just to get revenge over a detective. We’d catch him. At least that was what I needed to believe. Any alternative was just too horrific. 

“Marls.” I begged but we all knew I’d lost. She was right. It didn’t mean I had to like it though.

“I won’t stop until I find him. I won’t sleep, I won’t eat, I won’t _rest_ until you’re back in my arms.” The tears started then. I could barely see Marley through the blur but her shaking form as she wrapped her arms around my neck told me that she, too, had succumbed to tears.

“I’ll call the Marshals.” Rossi whispered and I nodded, meeting his eyes over Marley’s head which she’d nuzzled against my neck, her tears dribbling down my neck and collecting in my clavicle. I moved my hand up to clutch the back of her neck, trying not to think of this as the last time I’d get to hold her in who knew how long. I turned slightly to see Hotch staring straight ahead, looking at something the rest of us couldn’t see, I’d hate to imagine what he was reliving.

Needless to say that the Marshals agreed we should move the three of them into protective custody. Immediately. They’d be gone in a matter of hours. Marley had pulled a holdall out from under the bed and was throwing clothes haphazardly into a bag while I sat on the bed, watching her and wondering for the millionth time whether or not I should go with her. But in the end I knew she was right. I could, no I _would,_ find this man and bring her home. It was better for me to stay here. At least that’s what I told myself.

“I love you, Spencer Reid.” She whispered before climbing onto my lap and wrapping her arms around me. She leaned forwards and placed a delicate kiss to my temple. I grasped the back of her thighs and pulled her that bit closer so every inch of her body was pressed against mine. I let my eidetic memory seal the image in my mind: Marley’s brown eyes intensely focused on mine, the familiarity of her body pressed against me, feeling her heart beat through her ribs and her whispered breath filling the void between us.

“I love you too. My beautiful wife. I love you.” I kissed her, closing my eyes and feeling her lips under mine and wishing I could stay in this embrace forever.

“Forever?”

“Forever.” I promised and she gulped , her eyes welling up again but she didn’t let them fall, instead she gave a tiny smile and whispered _forever_ back at me. There was a knock at the door and Marley reluctantly climbed off me, the separation between us feeling like an ocean already. I busied myself by pulling the zipper shut over her stuff while Marley pulled the door open to find Morgan stood anxiously in the doorway, looking apologetic for busting in on our goodbye but I understood, we needed to go.

 There was one more place Marley had insisted on going before she left.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

It was hard to believe that we’d walked down these corridors a few hours ago. Back then we’d thought that Jesse had been randomly attacked on the street. How the hell had everything gone so wrong?  

Despite the fact that we hadn’t called Vince, as we approached Jesse’s hospital door his head poked out; a mixture of relief, worry and anger clouding it. I had the feeling he’d been on the lookout for our return ever since I’d called him with news of what the hell was going on. 

“It’s been _four hours_ since I heard that my son was attacked by someone who’d been watching my children and you didn’t think I could do with a little more information.” He growled but Marley sprinted the last few steps and flung her arms around him, the force sending him stumbling backwards but he managed to stay upright and wrap his little girl up in his arms. His eyes met mine, his expression one of someone who’d seen too much and knew that it was only going to get worse.

“Marley has to leave.” I whispered quietly and had the pleasure of watching Vince’s face crumple.

“What did _you_ do?” He closed his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to look at me. I felt the disappointment well deep inside me at his blame but Marley pulled back from her Father’s embrace and explained quietly how it was nobody’s fault but someone was coming after them and they had to leave for a little bit. It was a stupid thing to be proud of but the calmness with which she spoke, the strong façade she put up with her Father, reminded me of the strong woman I’d married. She could stay strong and survive without me for a little while. I knew she could.

“You’ll be okay, Marls.” He promised his daughter, hugging her tightly in his arms before letting her go. She quietly headed into Jesse’s room to see her two brothers before she left. Vince put an arm on my shoulder and followed her in. Jesse was still dead to the world but Nick was awake and was curled up in one of the hospital chairs, keeping a silent vigil over his brother. Morgan appeared by my side and whispered quietly into my ear that the Marshals had already picked up Hotch and Jack and would be here soon. We were running out of time.

Despite Morgan’s whisper not being able to carry into the room, Marley must have picked up on his presence as she leaned down and kissed Jesse’s forehead before hugging Nick and heading back towards the door. She stopped beside her Father, who also seemed to be trying desperately to hold it together, and looked for a second as if she was trying to figure out the right thing to say but in the end she simply leaned up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He whispered something in her ear before releasing her back to me. We didn’t speak as she grasped my clammy hand in hers and walked down the corridor, away from prying eyes for one last moment together. We ended up back in the same waiting room and before I could shut the door she flung herself at me and kissed me desperately. Pushing me back against the wall not that I cared. It had been my plan too.

When we eventually parted she started sobbing uncontrollably, any pretence of calm acceptance gone. Her whole body shook and she gasped desperately for air as her sobs choked her. Tears streamed down her face and she whimpered against me, mumbling a stream of nonsense I couldn’t quite keep up with but I got a few words; _can’t, love, Spence, please._ I bit down hard on my lip and focused on the pain, willing the tears that were stinging my eyes to remain hidden until she’d gone. I grasped her face gently in my hands and forced her to look up at me.

“There are three things you need to always remember.” I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers and waiting for her breathing to even out as she slowly stopped hyperventilating. “Aaron will keep you safe and I _will_ find you.”

“What’s the third?” She whispered, her voice hoarse from sobbing.

“I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul. And that will never change.” She smiled up at me and nodded.

“I love you too.” She placed a more delicate kiss to my lips before pulling back and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. Not wanting to break physical contact for too long I took back her hand and followed her out the door. Morgan and Vince were stood waiting patiently with a tall, slight middle aged man who extended his hand to both of us and introduced himself as Jason Wyatt.

“Mr Hotchner and his son are in the car and we really can’t delay any longer.” He shrugged apologetically at Marley but she nodded and, with a shuddering breath the only outward display of the heartache I was sure was ripping her apart, moved away from me and towards Wyatt. Halfway down the corridor she threw a furtive glance back at us and, before I knew what I was doing, I found myself waving at her the way a parent might wave their child off on their first day of school. It was an absurd reaction, I could feel Morgan’s nervous eyes on me as if he worried I was going to have a psychotic break right there, but it seemed to resonate with Marley who stopped dead and turned round fully to face me.

“You did that the day we first met.” She whispered, a small smile creeping over her face before she suddenly sprinted back and flung her arms around me, pressing her lips against mine in a desperate clash. I clung onto her tightly. Oh God I couldn’t let her go. She was my wife, the love of my life, I couldn’t live without her.

“I should have done that the night we met.” She whispered, keeping her lips inches from mine as she opened her eyes to look at me. One last time.

“We’d known each other three hours.” I pointed out and she chuckled before kissing me again.

“You would have liked it.”

“I would have.” I promised and kissed her a final time.

“I love you.” she whispered as we pulled apart. Her hand lingered in mine a second longer but as we moved further apart we were forced to let go. She moved back to Wyatt at a much more languid pace, as if putting off the inevitable, but she didn’t look back this time. I was glad she didn’t, I didn’t think I could take it anymore. I found myself shaking violently as if Marley had taken the sun’s very warmth with her. I gulped in desperate breaths but the air around me had turned to syrup. The hospital floor didn’t seem secure anymore and I felt myself tilting haphazardly as the world around me spun. Morgan manoeuvred me over to the window which was open a crack and let the tiniest breeze flow through into the stagnant ward. As I leaned against it, listening to Morgan’s empty promises of her safety, I caught site of Aaron Hotchner leaning against a black SUV and staring up at the hospital. Jack’s head appeared out the window as Marley approached them, I could imagine her putting on a smile and pretending everything was alright for him but she had her back to me. The morning sunlight gleaming off her hair. I drunk in the image of the three of them. It was the last time I’d see them in a while.

It was the last time I’d see the three of them together. 

    


	19. Lies

**19\. Lies**

**“When you miss someone....it’s weird…your body doesn’t function normally… as it should. Because I miss you, and my heart…it’s not steady…my soul it sings numb. Fingers are cold…like you…your soul.” ― Coco J. Ginger**

**Marley POV**

Walking away from Spencer was the hardest thing I ever had to do. As I slid into the car beside a fidgety Jack all I wanted to do was scream at Wyatt to stop the car. I’d made the wrong call. I needed him with us. With me. And _I_ was the one who’d sent him away. I could have had him right next to me but I’d chosen to be apart. On what grounds? None of the team had said it was a bad idea for him to go with us and they were the experts. But my gut had told me otherwise, it had known that he was the one who could stop this unsub. Who could protect Jesse and be my knight in shining armour. _Great choice Marley, you sent him away because of a gut feeling. Good job girl._ I resisted the urge to turn back and stare at the hospital; I wouldn’t be able to see him and even if I could it would only make me cry. That wasn’t going to help the situation.

“Where are we going?” Jack asked quietly as he altered his gaze stared between Aaron and me with wide anxious eyes. I wondered how much he remembered from his last experience with the marshals. He’d only been three but the hospital, the anxious parents and the strange men in black cars… surely it must resonate deep inside him.

“I told you, we just have to go away for a little bit. Why don’t you read your book, Buddy.” Aaron smiled down at his son but then met my eyes over his head and revealed the fear in his eyes. I understood his message; Jack was at exactly the wrong age for this. Before when he’d been with his Mom he’d been so young that he probably hadn’t noticed much and if he’d been a few years older we could have told him the truth (well a PG 13 version) but right now he was too inquisitive for his own good. With no helpful tips on how to tell a child he was in witness protection in my Nanny’s guidebook I just shrugged and closed my eyes as I leaned back against the seat. I knew we’d have a long drive ahead of us and I hadn’t slept in over thirty hours. If I could just get to sleep then I could have a few hours of blissful ignorance. I could forget that every second I was in this God forsaken car I was putting more miles between Spencer and myself. But despite the fact it was becoming a physical impossibility to keep my eyes open, when I shut them all I could see was Spence’s devastated face as I’d walked away from him. For once in my life I wished I couldn’t remember his face with perfect clarity; his long brown hair tousled from a stressful sleepless night, hazel eyes bloodshot and watery but no tears had fallen quite yet and his mouth, the one I’d often seen break into the brightest, most dazzling one hundred watt smile was pulled tight into a harsh line that wobbled ever so slightly as he tried not to cry until I was gone. I screwed my eyes shut tighter and bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from crying but my chin was already wobbling with the force of the sob that wanted to escape my lips and unshed tears were stinging the inside of my lids. I turned away from Jack and quickly swiped at my eyes, choosing instead to focus on the road whistling passed us. Hoping the mundane road markings would send me to sleep. Aaron’s gun calloused hand grasped the top of my arm but I didn’t turn round. I couldn’t stand anyone being nice to me right now.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew Aaron was shaking me awake. I shot up and thwacked my head on the car roof. Pain radiated down my spine and I winced as I rubbed the tender part of my skull which had connected with the car. Aaron patted my arm sympathetically before helping me out the car. As I stood up I looked around at the suburban street, it looked so normal. Mothers with toddlers were strolling down the street, a paper boy was haphazardly throwing papers onto porches and a couple of dogs barked further down the street.

“So this is it?” I asked, moving closer to Aaron as I stared at Wyatt’s form heading towards a house across the street.

“No, this is just a stop off point. A temporary home. We’ll be here a few days and then they’ll move us to a permanent base.” I shuddered at the idea of a permanent base. Temporary was what I wanted. Jack was waiting on the other side of the car, eyeing his new surroundings suspiciously. I understood the feeling well.

“Come on Buddy let’s get inside.” Aaron shepherded Jack up the cemented path to our temporary home: a red brick double story house with a low porch that Jack was currently stood on, peering anxiously through the open front door. I caught up with him and wrapped an arm around his bony shoulders. He leaned back against me; the familiar warmth of my kid beside me gave me enough strength to keep walking into the house. Aaron was a few feet ahead of us, standing in the doorway and watching our progress. The inside of the house was gloomy, dark wood panelling covered the lower half of the hallway walls and the top half was a vile green. The Marshals obviously hadn’t taken hints from _Grand Designs._ Jack’s little hand found mine and squeezed it tightly. I wondered if this was reminiscent of the last time he’d been in witness protection. Poor kid.

“It’s alright Jack. We’ll only be here for a little while.” I promised, perhaps unfairly but if it kept Jack content for the minute then it was worth it. He hugged my waist and refused to let go so I shuffled into the living room with one arm wrapped around Jack. Aaron gave me a sympathetic glance before grabbing a piece of paper and scrawling a note which he covertly passed to me as he bent down to hug Jack and call him a strong little guy. While Jack was distracted I unfolded the crumpled piece of paper. **When Jack goes to bed we’ll talk more.** I threw a furtive glance at the clock, there was at least three hours until Jack’s bedtime and I doubted he’d go to bed easily in a strange new environment.

I wondered how long Wyatt would stay with us; I doubted he would leave before he’d had the chance to brief us. Certainly he’d made himself comfortable on the sagging brown couch and as flipping through the television channels without a care in the world. It was a small room with tiny windows that let in little light, or perhaps it was the slanted wooden blinds causing jail like bars on the floor. I pulled Jack with me and sat down on the other side of the sofa. He instantly curled up on my lap and laid his head against my shoulder.

“You brought your Christmas presents right? Why don’t you go play with them, hey? That might be fun.” I offered but he shook his head and wrapped his arms around my neck. “Or go pick a room to sleep in?” Again another shake. “Or we can sit here and watch some cartoons?” Now that got a nod. Wyatt handed over the remote without complaint and the two of us flicked through the basic cable until Jack found a suitable cartoon he wanted to watch. It was enough to keep him entertained for a little bit. Aaron had taken a seat beside the window and was watching the comings and goings but once he felt my eyes on him he moved to sit on the arm beside us and wrapped one arm around me.

“Dad, look!” Jack exclaimed excitedly as Scoobie Doo and the gang caught a villain. “It’s like you, Daddy. You always catch the bad guy don’t you, Dad?”

“Yeah Jack,” he whispered quietly and his arm tightened around my shoulder.

“Course he does, Jack. Your Dad’s a hero.” I whispered and met Aaron’s eyes. My words seemed to have the desired effect as he gave me a tiny smile and ruffled Jack’s hair. For a split second I wondered what we would have been doing if things had gone the way there were supposed too; tomorrow Spence and I should have flown out to Vegas to see Diana. I doubted Spence would go out there now with this monster on the loose. Instead I knew he’d spend 24/7 torturing himself until we were back together.

The cupboards in the kitchen had recently been stocked and Wyatt made spaghetti for dinner. What could I say at least he cooked. Not that I had any appetite, instead I just pushed the tomato covered strings around my plate until Wyatt cleared the plates. Neither Aaron nor Jack had eaten much either. Only Wyatt, who was used to these situations, had cleared his plate. Despite his protests I helped to wash up, needing something to do before I started screaming. I wondered what Spencer was doing right now, had he eaten. Knowing him he’d just had coffee, his appetite was the first thing to go when he was upset. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried unsuccessfully to block all thoughts of Spencer out of my mind.

“Marley, will you read me a story?” Jack’s little voice as I placed the final plate on the rack nearly broke my heart. He hadn’t wanted me to read him a story in a long time, he liked to read them himself at bedtime but he said it was babyish to be read to. Unless he was ill or scared. My poor boy. I turned and bent, opening my arms wide and he ran into them. I kissed his messed up hair and squeezed him tight.

“Everything’s going to be alright baby. Let’s get you ready for bed then we can sit and read.” He nodded against my chest but neither of us let go, just clutched each other tighter. This night was going to be a long one.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“We need to talk about what happens next.” Wyatt sat opposite me, he had the doctor I’m-sorry-we-have-some-bad-news vibe. Always a promising start. “I know this seems like a very scary situation but I swear that no one has ever died if they followed these rules.”

“What about Haley?” I asked, I knew it was cruel reminding Aaron of what he’d lost the last time he went down this road but I needed to know.  However it was Aaron who answered.

“The marshal had her number and Foyet got to her through him. If we follow the rules exactly then we’ll be okay. We’ll be safe.” I nodded and waited for Wyatt to continue.

“In a few days we’re going to move you again to a permanent location. We know what this man is capable of and we’ll keep you safe. You’ll get whole new identities and back stories that you must stick with. No one can know who you really are and what really happened. No matter how close you become to them you must never tell them. And the golden rule is to never ever contact your loved ones back home.” I nodded, it was an obvious rule but painful nonetheless. Even when Spencer was away on a case we spoke several times a day, he always called me right before he went to sleep, even if it was 3AM, he always said he liked to hear my voice last thing at night. Perhaps that sounds clichéd and too sentimental but I knew it was done out of genuine love and even if I had to wake up in the middle of the night it was worth it to hear his voice.

“Okay so let’s talk about your new identities and what to do with Jack. We’re going to keep your first names the same, we find it works better to at least keep your initials and with Jack first names would just make an even smoother transition. You’re last name is now Hutchinson. Now we have files with…”

“Wait, what’s my last name?” I asked in confusion although the look on his face told me I was missing something obvious.

“Hutchinson. You’re a family.”

“Well how are we related?” I asked and Wyatt gave a little huff at my impatience.

“I was getting to this in the file but you’re married.”

“We’re _what?!”_ I shrieked, looking desperately at Aaron to sort this mess out. “I thought you were trying to make this easier on Jack! I mean what the hell do we tell him?! Oh by the way your last name’s now Hutchinson, we’re moving to God knows where and we got married. That won’t be too strange.”

“If you’d just let me finish!” I quickly shut up as Wyatt took on an _agent tone_ that I was sure would have impressed Aaron. “We have done this before. We need to make sure that you blend in and having a family works much better than a Nanny, especially since we need to distance as many ties as we can to your old life. So you’re married, a second marriage for Aaron, after the loss of his wife.” I couldn’t help but feel bad for Aaron; even in his pretend life his wife was dead.

He pulled out the folders and thrust them at us before beginning to explain our new/old lives. He started with little details about our lives, things that would be backed up by computer records that would make Garcia proud, but the little details we were allowed to decide. Apparently it would make it easier for us to remember. So we sat long into the night debating and memorising facts about our lives.

I’d been born and raised on the outskirts of Las Vegas and went to school in New York. Aaron and I had met in a coffee shop and argued over who got the last piece of pie before deciding to share it (that had been my concoction, Aaron had wanted us to meet on a business trip), we’d had a whirlwind romance and I’d moved in with them four years ago and we’d married last summer. We had lived in Baltimore but were moving because Aaron had got a new job. It was the bare bones of a life but it was a start, something we could hold too. We could still use little stories from our actual lives as long as we changed the names and places. We sat there chatting, telling Wyatt over and over again where we were from while he asked quick fire question to check we could do it under pressure. At least we still seemed to be getting somewhere; despite the fact I hadn’t gone to college in New York I’d lived there long enough to blag it. It chilled the blood in my veins that Aaron’s lies rolled so easily off his tongue; you’d honestly believe he’d been Aaron Hutchinson his whole life. There was no stammer even for a second as he answered question after question while I floundered every so often.

“So how long have you been married to Spencer?” Wyatt asked late into the night.

“Six months.” I answered before letting out a groan as I realised once again I’d slipped up. Aaron closed his eye, his jaw working as he tried not to get angry with me.

“I’m sorry, Aaron. I’m _trying_ I really am.”

“I know. You’re doing really well.” He forced a smile and rubbed my knee before suggesting we all called it a night. It was the best suggestion I’d heard all day. Jack and Aaron were going to share a room but in the long winded goodnight ritual he’d ended up in his Father’s bed as well. As I leaned into the room to check on him, thankfully snoring soundly, my eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to the empty bed in the corner of the room. I didn’t want to be alone tonight, and hell Aaron and I were meant to be loves young dream so we might as well start sharing a room.

Despite his promise that we were all going to bed when I came back from cleaning up and changing into an old pair of sweats, Aaron was still downstairs. I bend down and pushed Jack’s bangs off his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. Tomorrow we’d have to tackle informing Jack of our new identities but for tonight he could sleep in semi peace. I settled into the small pull out bed underneath the window and pulled the blankets around me. I tried not to think about the people who had slept here before: were they still in witness protection, had they had a happy ending, or were they dead?

 _Spence, I hope whatever you’re doing now you’re safe._     

 

 

                                                                                                                                                                


	20. Mistakes

**20\. Mistakes**

**“The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive.” ― Rick Riordan**

Morgan eyed me wearily as we headed into the police station. He’d tried to convince me to go home and get some rest but I’d simply sent him a withering glare and continued towards the car. There was no way in hell I was doing anything other than work this case until she came home.  Thankfully he didn’t argue, hell he didn’t even talk, just let me stew as he drove downtown to the station. I knew the rest of them would already be there, hopefully they’d already found a break and were halfway to hunting the SOB down. That was a long shot though, I knew better than anyone that these things took time and patience. Two things I didn’t have in my arsenal right now.

Morgan turned off the ignition and stared up at the police station but didn’t get out the car, just fiddled with the keys while I watched him, knowing he was steeling himself up for his new position. He was back in charge of the team after all, and I knew that came with a lot of responsibility. Especially seeing as we were trying to save our previous section chief. Without looking up he gave my shoulder a light knock with his fist, one of his sports references I never understood, before heaving himself out of the car and heading into the building.

“Hey,” JJ whispered quietly as I opened the door to the conference room that we’d been escorted to once we flashed our badges. The look of relief on the cop’s face that there was someone else here to help take some of the slack did nothing to lighten the knot forming in my gut. JJ was alone in the room, quietly working through some files at the glass table in the centre of the room. I nodded in her direction before moving straight to the board so I could catch up on everything I’d missed.

“Where is everyone?” Morgan asked as he loomed over her shoulder to see what she was doing.

“Rossi and Prentiss went to speak to some of the victims’ families.” Oh right. Smaller team. It was funny when _everyone else_ was only two people.  

“Spence.” JJ’s tentative call made me turn back to her, knowing they’d found something unpleasant. “It’s a team. The timings of the attacks were too close together for it to be one person.”

“Are you sure?” I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. One Foyet replica was bad enough but _two._ Two vicious unsubs out there trying to kill my wife. Apparently today _could_ get worse.

“We’ve gone through every possible scenario and it’s physically impossible for one person to pull it off. There are two of them.” I nodded at JJ, not trusting myself to speak.

“What else do we know?”  Morgan asked as he moved to take a seat beside her and picked up thee stack of papers that JJ had already gone over.

“Garcia’s looking for any connection between the victims but so far she hasn’t found anything. Apart from Jesse we think it was all random. The crime scenes are almost identical to the ones we saw with Foyet. After Jesse’s attack everything went quiet and we haven’t heard a thing since but I’m organising a press conference for later to see if we can get any witnesses to come forward. Prentiss and Rossi also went to speak to Aaron’s neighbours to see if they recognised any strangers around the apartment but that drew a blank.” I nodded but didn’t turn back to face them, just continued reading the board.

“Hello,” This time I did turn when I heard Rossi’s familiar gravelly tone as he followed Prentiss into the room. He didn’t want for an acknowledgement, just began his run down of what they’d heard. “We need to speak to Jesse and find out exactly where he went. According to Melissa’s parents he picked her up half an hour before they were attacked. That leaves four hours unaccounted for. Maybe if one or both of the Unsubs were following him then that was how they found their victims?”

“Four hours? That messes up our timeline.” JJ threw a furtive glance to the messy red lines that crisscrossed the board. 

“Do we have any idea how he… how _they_ knew so much about Foyet and Hotch?” I asked, moving them away from what I saw as a pretty pointless discussion. I mean did it matter what Jesse was doing beforehand? The profiler part of my brain knew that victimology _was_ one of the most important tools for a profile. But the rest of me just wanted to stay focused on the Unsubs, I wanted the quickest route to getting my wife back. Rookie error of course, but when it came to family it was always hard to stay objective. I stood running my finger up and down the cold metal side of the board, memorising each dent and groove, a screw had come loose and scratched the pad of my forefinger , I bit back a hiss as the skin split open and blood sprinkled down my finger. I didn’t even have the energy to complain, it seemed apt for the day I was having.

“Foyet’s file could be accessed one of two ways; through the paper version or electronic. Either way it could only be accessed by someone in the building unless they managed to hack into the syst…”

“Trust me, honeys, they’d have to be as brilliant as me, maybe better, to get through that system.” Garcia breezed in carrying an armful of equipment which she unceremoniously dumped on the table upon catching sight of me. “Oh baby!”

“Garcia.” I practically begged, knowing that if she was nice to me I wouldn’t be able to hold it together but she ignored my plea and pulled my into a bone crushing embrace.

“My junior G-Man. Everything’s going to be okay, our girl will be alright.” She whispered in my ear and squeezed me even tighter while I tried desperately not to cry.

“Baby girl, let the poor kid breathe, hey?” Morgan thankfully saved me and, with a kiss to my cheek, Penelope reluctantly relinquished her grasp on me. I stepped back and quickly swiped at my eyes while Garcia set up her laptop on the table.

“What are you doing here?” Rossi asked, his brow furrowed as he wondered why Garcia had decided to trek across town away from her favoured computers and into this run down office. She didn’t give a verbal answer; instead she gave a pitiful glance in my direction and continued setting up her computer. No one dared question her.

“There’s nothing I can find that links the victims. Apart from Jesse I think they were all random.” Garcia continued as she pulled a small pink fuzzy from her bag and placed it on the table. “So I’m going to set up here and then start investigating which little snake in the grass is in our midst.”

“You mean you haven’t done it yet?” I asked.

 “No, it took me a while to sort through the victims and then travel over here and, Spence…?” She trailed off at the look on my face. I felt blood rush to my face and my hands curled into fists, I could feel the rage burning up my throat. Rage that wasn’t, shouldn’t, be directed at Garcia but it was about to be.

“Our boss, his son and my _wife_ are in witness protection. They’re lives are in danger and your faffing around moving office, why? Because you want to feel part of the team? You’re not meant to be with us! I don’t need you sat here with your pity. I need you to find the man that did this! And what the hell is this?” I lurched forward and grabbed her pink fuzzy as Garcia flinched away from me but I was too far gone to care. “It’s pathetic that you need that to do your job! You need to grow up!”

“Reid!” Morgan barked, finally coming out of his shock but I turned and defiantly glowered at him until he grasped my shoulders and half frogmarched half shoved my out of the room and into the hallway. “I know you’re hurting, Reid, I know but you cannot speak to Garcia like that!”

“You know how I feel? You know how I feel.” I chuckled at his statement and he looked at me nervously: almost thirty hours without sleep, a missing wife and a horrific case, I probably looked psychotic. “You have no idea how I feel!”

“Reid you don’t have the monopoly on love!”

“This isn’t me having some hissy fit because Marley and I had another fight. She’s being chased just like before and we all remember how that went down, don’t we?! I nearly lost her! I promised her I’d protect her. And that’s what I’m trying to do but I have you trying to get me to sleep and Garcia with that bloody pink monstrosity and….!” A sob broke me off and I bashed the back of skull against the wall as my throat worked against the wave of anguish threatening to overwhelm me.

“Reid.” Morgan whispered and put an anxious hand on my shoulder. I sagged against the wall, all the fight fled my body, to be replaced by regret. I couldn’t believe I’d spoken to Garcia like that, she was my friend, desperate to try and help me and I’d treated her like dirt.  

“I’m sorry,” I started but he shook his head and I stopped, staring at the beige wall opposite. “Have you ever loved someone? I mean truly loved someone and not your family, not someone you’re predisposition to love, someone you’ve met and slowly fallen for and… there are no words for it. Have you ever felt something so pure?!”

“No, not something like that,” He admitted quietly, leaning next to me and staring at the same spot I was on the wall.

“I never thought I’d feel something like that. Hell, I never even thought I’d find a girl who’d want to date me but then I met Marley. Things were perfect, we had a great life together, we… we were trying for a baby.” I confessed quietly. “We were going to be a family. When we started trying I promised myself I wasn’t going to be like my Dad. I was going to be there, try and be a good Dad. Like Hotch.”

“Reid, kid, you will be.” His brow furrowed and he ran a hand over his face before regarding me with pitying eyes. “Marley is _not_ Haley. This isn’t going to end the way it did before I swear to you. Now let’s go back to mine and you’re going to have a few hours’ sleep, no arguments.”

I thought about arguing, saying I didn’t need sleep but I knew he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So instead I wiped my eyes and mumbled that I needed to apologise first. I desperately began fishing in my pockets, hoping I’d stashed a tissue in one of them earlier; however, what my hand brushed against in my cardigan pocket was too hard to be tissue, it felt more like paper. Curiously I pulled it out and found a piece of lined paper folded carefully in four. My name was shakily scrawled upon the front in cursive I knew as well as my own. _Marley._ Desperately I unfolded it, hands shaking so much it took me a second to comprehend the words.  

_Dear Spence,_

_I debated whether or not to write this. I know your Dad and Gideon left notes to try and explain why they left you, but this isn’t what I’m doing. I know you know that. I know you have faith in our marriage and my love for you. I hate the idea of leaving you, when you’re away on a case I spend every single minute thinking about you so I can’t even imagine being away for you for this indeterminate length of time. But know that it won’t change anything. Whether we’re apart for 10 minutes, 10 months or, God forbid, 10 years I will always stay faithful to you. I meant “till death us do part” I will be your faithful wife until I die. I love you forever Spencer._

_All my love,_

_Your Marley. xxxxx_

I read the letter over and over again, each time it got harder as tears blurred my vision but my eidetic memory took over and repeated her words over and over again as a mantra. I could hear the words in her voice, see her in my mind whispering them to me, her perfume still lingered like a ghost on my clothing and it hurt. God, it hurt. I swear I could feel my heart splintering in two at the finality of the written word. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t be without her. There was no me without her, not anymore. The whole world stretched out infinite and dark before me and it was too much. I crashed back against the wall, unable to hold myself up alone, and sobbed. Not quiet dignified tears but loud heartbroken howls of anguish. I felt Morgan grasp my shoulder and shake my over and over but it was a long time before I was able to get a coherent grasp of myself so I could turn to face him. The anxious , piteous expression on his face filled me with shame, we didn’t have time for him to be babysitting me while I teetered on a verge of a psychotic breakdown.

“I won’t say it’s going to be okay because I know you won’t believe me so I’ll be practical. You’re getting some sleep and it’ll make you feel… not better but human. Then you’re going to come back with a fresh outlook and that big old brain of yours and solve this case, just like she said you would. Okay pretty boy?” I nodded and dried my face on the corner of my cardigan before folding the letter back neatly along the lines she’d made and putting it back where I found it.   

I didn’t want to face the rest of the team again, I couldn’t bear seeing Garcia’s hurt face but I knew I’d be a coward to slink off now and Garcia deserved so much better. Morgan remained against the wall, waiting for me to make the first move. I took a deep breath and pushed open the door. The team had converged together since I left, Garcia was typing furiously but her cheeks shone with tears while the rest of the team stood anxiously around her.

“Penelope.” I whispered, because last names wouldn’t cut it right now. “Penelope.” I repeated, slightly louder and waited for her to look round.

“I’m just checking the server to see who has accessed Foyet’s file.” She whispered gingerly, cringing slightly as she turned to face me.

“Penelope I’m so sorry. I… I never meant any of that. I’m tired and stressed and angry and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You’re family and you’re trying to help us. It’s no excuse and I never should have spoken to you like that. I’m so sorry.” I whimpered, praying desperately that she would forgive me.

“Oh baby boy!” She leapt up and flung her arms around me. “She’s going to be fine. Now please go home and get some rest.”

“I am, just for a couple of hours.” I nodded, feeling blessed that I had such people in my life. I was about to turn when her computer bleeped.

“It found something.” Sleep was forgotten as I followed her back to the desk and peered over her shoulder.

“Rossi?” Garcia turned and looked at him with confused eyes before turning back to the computer then back at him. “You gave an intern access to Foyet’s file?”

“What, no I didn’t!” He yelled angrily.

“Yes you did! That file has only been accessed by one person in the last year and that was someone on an intern’s ID who had your authorisation to look at it.” She turned the computer screen round and pointed at her screen as if we could read the confused computer code she’d sorted through.

“There must be someone else who accessed it.” Rossi’s features became even more pinched as realisation dawned on him.

“Rossi?” Emily asked as we all shared anxious glances.

“Jesse,” He whispered. “He had to do a project on a serial killer to present when he first started at the academy and I said he could use the FBI files. I never asked who it was on, but he’s lying in a hospital bed after being attacked by that son of a bitch so it wasn’t him.”

“He’s the only one who survived.” Morgan whispered quietly and I turned to stare at him wide eyed because surely he wasn’t going _there._

“There are witnesses that place him with Melissa being attacked! He didn’t do it to himself!” I shouted enraged at the very suggestion that Jesse could do this.

“Yeah, a good alibi. Just like it was for Foyet when he killed his girlfriend and mutilated himself. Reid, there a four unaccounted hours, the exact time when the attacks took place and one opened FBI file. The kid’s got some explaining to do. If this was anyone else we’d be straight round there for questioning.” I glowered defiantly at Morgan but he was right, we needed to go speak to Jesse.

But he wasn’t capable of this, was he?      

 

 

  

 

 

         


	21. Liar

**21\. Liar**

**“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” ―** [ **Mark Twain** ](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1244.Mark_Twain)

**Spencer POV**

“I know you’re not his biggest fan but that doesn’t equate to him being a murderer.” I snapped as I followed Morgan through the hospital corridor, all thoughts of sleep banished to the back of my mind.

“You really think I’m that petty?!” He whirled round and cornered me against the coffee machine. “As you’re keen to remind me, it’s your _wife_ that’s in danger and this is a lead. I’m not saying he did it, but it’s looking a little suspicious right about now, don’t you think? And we all know he can be violent. I mean you’re his family and he was more than happy to smash your face in with a baseball bat! Maybe he met a dominant partner who decided to use him, or maybe this is one big fat explainable coincidence. Either way we need to find out exactly what’s going on.” Morgan bore down on me, his nostrils flaring in anger that I’d accused him of being petty. Of course he was right, we needed to speak to Jesse and this did look a little suspect, but I still didn’t want to accept it. Didn’t want to even consider the vaguest possibility that Jesse was capable of this. That my kid brother could commit murder, could threaten his own sister. It was a heart versus head scenario. And the heart would keep fighting for all its worth. 

“I know he can be violent. I know what he’s capable of and this isn’t it. He’s got a temper and if we were talking about a pub brawl that had got out of hand then yeah, I wouldn’t have a problem believing he was involved because when he gets angry he can be irrational and violent. But this is the calculated cold blooded murder of innocent people. Of a girl he was dating. And he would _never_ hurt Marley. That kid’s loyalty to his family is the most important thing in his life.”

“He hasn’t hurt Marley though. She’s miles away, she’s safe. Maybe he got her and Aaron out of the way of his partner. A little insurance. I don’t know kid, but the person who does know is on the other side of that door.” He pointed further up the corridor before heading off, throwing over his shoulder that I needed to remember the plan. I bristled a little at his insinuation that I couldn’t do my job properly but continued after him. At the station we’d taken a long time trying to decide how to play things. The one positive with dealing with a family member was that you knew more about them, how to play them, what their weaknesses were. In the end we’d decided for the age old good cop/ bad cop routine.  Jesse would never admit to Morgan if he’d done something wrong but I also wasn’t sure he’d take too kindly for the softly softly approach either; this seemed perfect. I was just praying it was an inordinate waste of time.

Morgan had already knocked on the door when I approached and was greeted by a tired Vince. Nick was sat by Jesse, who was propped up and looked semi- conscious. The sinking feeling in my gut alerted me to the fact I’d actually been silently praying that he would be out and too ill to speak too.

“Can we speak to Jesse?” Morgan asked, barrowing passed Vince’s concerned questions about his daughter.

“He’s just woken up. Could you maybe wait a few more hours?”

“No. This is important.” And with that he brushed past Vince and headed into the room. I glowered at his back, his bad cop routine was meant to be for Jesse and not the entire family. I offered Vince an apologetic smile before following Morgan inside. I hoped it was my imagination that Jesse’s crestfallen face when we walked in had guilty written all over it. Morgan waited while everyone else left before leaning on the bar beside Jesse’s right arm and looming over him. “I think you know why we’re here.” 

“Yeah, Derek. I got attacked and he threatened to murder my sister.” He shrugged and hissed in pain but the atmosphere had changed, there was a nervous edge to Jesse. He knew why we’d come and he didn’t want to talk about it.

“What’s this Jesse?” Morgan practically shoved a photo of the Reaper’s signature eye at Jesse who had to squint to get a glimpse at it.

“It’s Foyet’s signature.”

“And how do you know that? No, let me answer that for you. You abused Rossi’s trust to gain access to Foyet’s file and then you used that knowledge to kill seven people. And I think I can convince any jury in the world that you’re guilty.” Morgan snarled, playing his part a little too well as Jesse went wide eyed and turned desperately to me.

“This is crap! Spencer, you can’t believe him! I didn’t do this! I mean come on I was attacked! I didn’t do this to myself!” His eyes filled with tears and I had to look away, he was still so ill and we were toying with him like a plaything.

“No, we know you didn’t do it to yourself. You have a partner. Now you’re going to tell me all about him and your plan or I’m going to arrest you right now. Can you imagine the pain this is going to cause your Dad when he finds out what you…?”

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! I _TOLD_ DAVE I WAS DOING A PROJECT!” Jesse screamed with such force I was worried he was about to pull out his stitches, even Morgan façade cracked and he nearly broke out of character to help the kid but I stepped up to the bed and grasped his hand, willing him to calm down before a nurse came in and kicked us out. Or worse, Vince. I knew he wouldn’t have wondered far and I doubted he’d take too kindly to us abusing his critically ill son. “I didn’t, I wouldn’t hurt anyone. _You_ have to believe me Spence.”

“I do. But you have to help us out. You have to tell us everything. Why did you access Foyet’s folder?”

“I told you! For a project, I had to do a presentation about a murderer for one of my classes at the academy. When I told Dave I had to do research over the summer he said I could use the bureau records. I just wanted to do a good project,” He’d started crying, silent tears falling down his cheeks, it was a pretty pathetic sight and I just wanted to hug him, make everything better but I had to stay on track. “I wanted to show everyone how good I could be. How I deserved my place. Once people found out I lived with one of the BAU’s best section chiefs at the internship they all thought I only got in out of favouritism. I wanted to prove them wrong.”

“Why Foyet though?” I asked, trying to stay on topic despite the fact I felt his pain acutely as I remembered way back when I was being sneered at for having a relationship with Gideon.

“I know you’re not going to believe me,” he said, turning to address Morgan in particular. “But it was completely innocent. I came about this career path by a different route to most. After Marley nearly died I wanted to help others. I suppose I needed to know how we ended up here. I was going to do Carmichael, but I couldn’t bring myself to try and understand what he’d done or to think about how close my sister came to dying. But then I thought of Foyet, I mean he was the reason Marley came to live with Aaron in the first place. Foyet started all this. That was the only reason I researched him. I swear it’s all a coincidence.”

  “Ok, let’s say I believe you. We know you were only with Melissa for the last thirty minutes before the attack. Where were you?” Morgan continued, sounding much calmer than before.

“I…I just wandered round. Just needed to get out the house, then eventually I went round to Melissa’s.”

“Anyone confirm that.” Morgan asked, his face becoming pinched again at Jesse’s suspect story.

“No.” He whispered quietly and I felt something inside me snap. He was so obviously lying, but about what?

“Jesse, I’m a profiler and your brother-in-law that means I can tell better than anyone when you’re lying. It’s written all over your face and I don’t have time to play games. Seven people are dead already, Jesse! And whether you mean to or not you’re protecting their murderers. Did you know they left a note for Marley, that’s why we moved her, they said they were going to kill her on Haley’s anniversary. Do you want that to happen to your sister? Because if you don’t tell us where you were then the police might decide to go for an easy arrest. Morgan’s right, there’s enough here to get a jury to convict you. Now I believe you’re innocent but if you get convicted then Marley will be brought back. Back to this danger. Then they’ll kill her. Do you want that to happen? Do you want her to die?” It was harsh, but as the colour drained from his face until he was competed with the pillowcase, I knew it was working.

“I… I was with a friend. His name is Daniel Edgecrest. He picked me up in his car at the bottom of your road and we went to the park. We exchanged gifts and just spent some time together. Spencer, Melissa, she, well she wasn’t my girlfriend.” He glanced at me nervously, tears clinging to his lashes, and I understood what he was trying to say.

“Jesse, you could have told us. No one would have cared.” My gut twisted as I realised the open family I thought we had might just have been an illusion. Just as I was re-evaluating our whole family, and how Jesse could honestly believe he couldn’t tell us he had a boyfriend, when to my surprise he actually started laughing.

“I know, Spencer. I know Dad wouldn’t care but Dan comes from a really strict family. He didn’t want to tell them and I knew it would hurt him even more when you guys were so accepting. I mean can you imagine? Dad would invite him round for dinner the next day! But his Dad would disown him. So I said we could keep it quiet for a little bit. Mel was the only one who knew.” The tears began falling and I grasped his hand tightly as he cried. “I tried to help her, I really did but he was so strong.”

“I’m so sorry Jesse.” Morgan whispered as he stared down at the boy, compassion clouding his face as he moved forwards. It was a long time before he calmed down enough to continue the interview. Morgan took over the cognitive part of the interview, trying to find out everything from the attack. Sadly there wasn’t much to gain from Jesse, he didn’t think he’d been followed, his attacker had worn a mask but he thought he’d had blue eyes. And that was it. Eventually an annoyed nurse came in and told us to leave. From the glower Vince gave me from behind the nurse I was pretty sure he had sent her.

“Jesse, tell your Dad. It’ll be alright.” I whispered as a farewell before releasing my grip on his hand and following Morgan from the room.

“I could hear him shouting.” Vince hissed in my ear as we passed. He reached out and snared my arm in a vice like grip. “He nearly died a few hours ago.”

“I know, we just had to find out…”

“Not like that.” I felt about an inch tall under his disappointed gaze but Jesse saved me from responding by calling out for his Dad. Vince let go of me and headed off without a backward glance at me.

“I believe him.” Morgan offered as if I hadn’t worked that out from his body language during the interview. I knew he was trying to take my mind off Vince’s snide remarks. “We need to go speak to Daniel, then work out how they knew about Foyet.”

“Do you reckon that course has changed much since I was there? Only I remember giving that presentation and we had to do it to our whole class. If Jesse had to then his whole class would know everything he knew about Foyet.”

“I’ll get Garcia to do some research on Jesse’s classmates.” I nodded at Morgan’s suggestion, trying not to get my hopes up but secretly praying that we’d found an easy lead.

Of course it was never going to be that easy. Garcia called us en route to tell us that Jesse had actually been chosen out of his class to give his presentation again along with one person from each of the other classes in an open lecture theatre. The entire first year of the academy as well as anyone who wanted to see it from the bureau had had open access to Foyet’s file courtesy of Jesse.

Garcia’s list had suddenly got a whole lot longer.  

   

    


	22. New Dawn

**22\. New Dawn**

**“I fell in love with her when we were together, then fell deeper in love with her in the years we were apart.” ― Nicholas Sparks**

**Marley POV**

_“Marley,” Spencer smiled down at me, his hazel eyes sparkling in the sunlight. The grass beneath me was slightly damp but it was a nice contrast to the oppressive heat from the blinding sunlight overhead. I turned my head slightly, using Spencer’s body to block the sunlight. He moved his head in response, gently leaning down and pressing his lips against my cheek. I reached up, running a hand languidly through his tousled hair. It had grown slightly, tickling his shoulder blades and I couldn’t help but smile. I loved it long. His left land left the ground beside my body and captured my hand in his, entwining our fingers beside my head._

_“I love you Spencer,” I whispered quietly, scared to break the tranquil atmosphere. I felt his smile against my skin before he continued to place chaste kisses across my face, pressing two on my eyelid while I squirmed under him. “You know I hate that.” I grumbled but I didn’t mean it. He continued his ministrations while the sun warmed us. A perfect summer day._

_“I miss you, Marls,” Spence whispered, his voice cracking slightly._

_“I’m here baby,” I laughed and, as if to prove my point, leaned up to capture his mouth only to connect with nothing but air.  My eyes shot open to find myself alone in the garden. I sprang up, turning this way and that but he was gone. How could he have left without me noticing?_

_“Spence? Spencer?! SPENCER?!” I screamed desperately but was greeted with nothing but silence. How had it got so dark so quickly? There was no moon, no stars no light of any kind. “Spencer?” I whispered quietly, wrapping my arms around my torso as I turned to and fro. I wanted to run, to hide and find shelter but I couldn’t see anything. There was nowhere to go. And the raised hairs on the back of my neck were telling me I wasn’t alone. I was being watched._

_“Marley,” I turned, blindly searching for the source of the unfamiliar voice. I wanted to scream out for Spencer again but couldn’t take the risk that it would help my assassin locate me in the gloom. I was all alone. “You shouldn’t have left him alone, Marley.”_

_“Wait…” but the unmistakable bang of a gun and the bright flash of a muzzle drowned out any further protest. Somewhere in the darkness my husband screamed in agony._

_“Spencer!”_

I shot up in the bed, gasping for air and pawing at my throat as I tried to keep the bile down.  Tears streamed down my face, sobs tried to break out but I bit down hard on my lip, remembering I wasn’t alone in the room. Oh God, what if something happened to him? What if he got shot on the job? What if he died all alone? I pulled my legs against my chest and rocked slowly, burying my face in the blanket covering me so that any quiet mews would be muffled. I wanted Spencer, it was painful how I could almost feel his arms around me. I knew where the imprint of his fingers would be on my arm, where his back would brush about mine and how his breath would assail my ear. The ache in my chest crippled me. It was as though I’d left my heart back in Quantico. A slightly hysterical laugh sprung forth as Spencer’s derisive voice sounded in my heart _“You can’t live without a heart Marley. It’s safe in your chest. The heart only pumps blood, its hormones in the brain that cause love.”_   

“Marley,” the whisper broke through my thoughts and I quickly swiped at my eyes, to try and look a little more in control of my emotions, before turning to find Jack stood anxiously beside my bed. Unable to find any words I simply reached out for him. Jack didn’t need asking twice and he thudded against my chest. I stared down as he borrowed against me, his arms wrapping around my neck, his old lion toy, Rooster thudding against my back. When I’d first moved in, Rooster had never left Jack’s hand, hell, the first few weeks after Haley’s death we’d spend most mornings convincing him to leave him at home because he wasn’t allowed to take toys into class. However, as the years had gone by Rooster had slowly been renegaded to Jack’s bedroom, of course he still cuddled him tightly at night but during the day Rooster lay somewhat forlornly on his bed. Today, though, Rooster was back in the forefront of our family. I lay my chin down gently on his head and cuddled him close, trying not to cry as the enormity of our situation hit me once again. We were in the middle of nowhere and about to move to God knows where for God knows how long. And today we were about to tell Jack our story.

It was one of those days that I wished I could just turn over and go back to sleep.

I looked over to see where Aaron was, he was a pretty light sleeper and my nightmare coupled with Jack getting out of bed should have woken him up. Knowing this, however, didn’t make my surprise at seeing his empty bed any less. I glanced at the luminous figures on the alarm clock between the two beds, it was only four in the morning. I closed my eyes moved one hand to stroke Jack’s head, stroking his hair and wishing I could go back to bed for a few more hours. Jack eventually squirmed in my embrace and I let him wiggle until he was comfortable, we both ended up lying back in bed, Jack had burrowed down under to covers and buried himself in the crook of my arm. My heart was still thudding a mile a minute and the cold sweat coating my back was starting to chill me but I focused on Jack. My problems could wait till later.

“Did I wake you?” I whispered, continuing to run a hand through his head.

“No. I had a bad dream too,” he confessed quietly.  God, I could understand that pain. 

“You want to talk about it?” I whispered and I felt him shake his head against my arm.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He whispered, melting my heart a little bit but, I too, shook my head. What could I say? _Well I was dreaming about Uncle Spencer being murdered by the masked lunatic who’s currently after us. Do you want pancakes for breakfast?_

“I want to go home,” He whispered suddenly into the darkness and I sighed gently, knowing exactly how he felt.

“It won’t be for long,” I promised somewhat unfairly and he sighed grumpily. We lay in silence for a while, it wasn’t exactly comfortable but eventually he snuggled closer against me and began stroking Rooster’s head. I leaned my cheek against his head and wished with all my heart that he didn’t have to go through any of this. He was so young and he’d had so much placed on him. God I hated Foyet and his student.

A little while later the door creaked open and Aaron poked his head round the door, he looked pale and the dark circles under his eyes rivalled Spence’s translucent skin. Jack waved Rooster at him and a smile small crept onto his face before he pushed the door open wider and headed straight for our bed. I moved over until I was pressed against the wall and Jack followed suit so that Aaron could perch on the edge. He leaned back on the pillow and put an arm around Jack. His knuckles brushed against my side and I shivered at the sudden contact. Aaron quickly moved his hand and I turned slightly to see him, his head half buried in the pillow as he curled around Jack. I tried not to think about other Saturday mornings where I’d been curled up with a different man in a different bed but it was hard to erase those images from my mind.

“Do you want breakfast?” Aaron eventually whispered but Jack shook his head and I mumbled ‘in a little while.’ I had no stomach for food. The curtains above me were cheap and allowed me to slowly watch the world behind them light up. Once the sun was burning through the curtain and warming our bed I nudged Aaron and he pulled the covers off of us, pulling himself upright while Jack groaned and snuggled closer to my chest.

“There’s a box of lucky charms downstairs,” he offered and Jack smiled as he jumped out of bed, leaving me alone in the bedroom. I went to follow but as I sat up bile raced up my throat and I had to clamp my mouth shut and take several deep breaths to keep from throwing up what little was left in my stomach. I closed my eyes and ground the heels of my hands into my eyeballs, trying to decide whether I was going to be sick or if it was just nausea. I took several deep breaths and my stomach seemed to settle itself, not that I was risking moving any time soon. Aaron must have eventually realised I hadn’t followed him back downstairs as he appeared back in the doorway, I guessed I must have looked like crap because he was instantly at my side.

“I feel a bit ill,” I admitted quietly, my voice shaking as he grasped my hand.

“You didn’t really eat anything yesterday and you’ve had a big ordeal. I’ll go get some crackers and water, you just need to boost your blood sugar,” I tried not to see Aaron’s unusual compassion as a sign that I was on death’s door, instead I analysed what he’d said. He was right. I’d barely eaten a mouthful yesterday, hadn’t slept the night before and was currently in the situation from hell. No wonder I was feeling sick. Aaron appeared back in seconds, pressing a handful of crackers in my hand and sitting down next to me with a glass of water in hand. I was too selfish to tell him to go back down to Jack, I was used to Spencer hovering anxiously beside me whenever I was ill. Guess I’d got a little too used to it. I nibbled tentatively on the first cracker, I wasn’t sure if it was helping but I didn’t feel as though I was going to start heaving so I kept going. I leaned a little closer to Aaron and he wrapped an arm around me, mumbling advice to take it slow and have a couple of sips of water in between.

“Better?” He asked and I nodded as the nourishment seemed to settle my stomach but I didn’t trust myself to move just yet. Instead I leaned back in Aaron’s embrace and closed my eyes until I felt strong enough to stand up and find our poor neglected poor. I nearly trod on said boy as I opened the bedroom door, he was sat outside it clutching a bowl of cereal waiting anxiously for us to emerge. I thought maybe Aaron would remind him of the “food stays at the table” rule but instead he bent down to Jack’s eye level and said that this once he could have breakfast in bed because we needed to talk to him about something really important. _Oh come on Aaron! Couldn’t you at least wait till the room stops spinning before I have to sit down and help Jack understand this whole mess?_

Jack seemed about as enamoured with the idea as I was but nevertheless he clasped his bowl against his chest and followed us back inside, shuffling along as though we were sending him to the chair. In fairness to my melodramatic kid this room was quickly starting to feel like my prison. Jack pulled himself onto the bed and placed the bowl between his feet as he waited for his father to begin. Aaron perched at the end of the bed although he looked decidedly calm, I wondered if he’d been up with the marshal for the last few hours, preparing for this very moment. It was a very Aaron thing to do.  

“Jack, you know how Auntie Emily had to pretend to be dead?” _Seems like a plan, Aaron, bring up one of the worst memories of our family. Nice way to settle him in._

“Uncle Spencer thinks we’re dead?” Jack whispered quietly, turning to stare at me in horror and I, in turn, glowered at Aaron but he belligerently continued.

“No, he knows where we are, um, listen buddy, I’m in a little trouble back home so we need to go on a little vacation until Uncle Spencer and the others find out who is… making trouble,” Maybe I’d been wrong, because surely someone who’d stayed up all night could come up with something better than that? Poor Jack just looked more and more confused.

“So a bad man’s after us? Like with Mommy?” Damn the kid was smart. Too smart. His glassy eyes broke my heart and I wrapped an arm around his frail shoulders, tugging him onto my lap and deciding it was my turn to take over this car crash.

“No, no one is going to hurt us like that. You remember when you dressed up as Daddy because he’s a superhero?” I took Jack’s nod as confirmation that I could continue. “Well, every superhero has a secret identity right? So, for a little bit we need to have a secret identity until the villain is defeated. But know that you are safe right here with us. No one is going to hurt us,” I lied through my teeth but surprisingly he seemed to accept it. Well, he didn’t burst into tears or run screaming so that was something.

“So we’re all superheroes?” He whispered and I couldn’t help but give a slightly hysterical laugh.

“I guess. Do you want to know our secret identity?” He turned in my embrace at that and I forced a smile. if I made it fun, one big game, then maybe it would be a little easier for him. He nodded, looking marginally excited at the prospect, although a small part of me was sure he was just playing along with me. Kid was old before his years.

“We’re the Hutchinsons.”

“Hutchinson,” He whispered, trying it over in his mouth, rolling his tongue over the unnatural name. I don’t think he approved. I wasn’t that keen on it myself.

“And we need to pretend that Marley and I are married,” I didn’t have time to shoot Aaron a glare for storming through this before Jack bolted off the bed and out the room. We both made it to the hallway in time to watch the bathroom door slam shut. The unmistakeably click of a lock made me smash my fists into his chest.

“There are bulls in china shops with more tact than you!” I snarled before turning and bashing on the bathroom door. “Jack! Open the door! Baby, we need to explain.”

“Jack, I’m sorry! Buddy, I need my junior G-man with me on this one. Please open the door,” Aaron begged, needlessly trying the door for something to do.

“What about Uncle Spencer?!” Came the loud shriek through the door. Of course Jack’s main concern would be my real husband’s feelings.

“He knows,” _God, when did you turn into such a liar?_ “And he’s fine with it. He just wants us to be safe. Jack, I know none of this makes any sense to you. It doesn’t make much sense to me either baby. But all you need to know is that this won’t be forever, you’re safe here and we all love you, ok?” There was a second of silence before the lock turned and Jack opened the door, tears dripping down his face and he hurtled into my arms. I gripped tightly onto my kid, pulling him close and whispering comforting nonsense into his hair. Aaron’s arms wrapped around the two of us and he promised to protect the two of us. One of Jack’s arms left my waist and grabbed at Aaron, pulling him closer to us. A small, scared, broken little unit but a unit all the same.

“I couldn’t do this without you. You always know just what to say,” Aaron whispered, his face so close that his stubble rubbed against my cheek. I wanted to move away, feeling uncomfortable at having another man so close to me but I pushed down my unease, knowing soon I’d have to be pretending we were married.

“Well then, its lucky you don’t have too Mr Hutchinson.”      

 

 

 

 

 


	23. Memories

**23\. Memories**

**“Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don’t go along with that. The memories I value most, I don’t ever see them fading.” ― Kazuo Ishiguro.**

**Spencer POV**

“Happy New Year,” Garcia whispered. We all shared a look before turning in sync to check that it was indeed midnight. The New Year really was upon us. I wonder what Marley was doing now. We should have been in Las Vegas. We’d planned to go out for the night, not to the touristy areas, but to my old haunts and hang outs.  There was this little Italian restaurant that my Mother and I had frequented several times on her good days. I’d taken Marley the first time she’d visited Vegas and it had become a regular haunt of ours. It seemed bizarre considering Las Vegas was my home town but I didn’t have many places I considered special. There was no family home anymore, well I had taken Marley to my old street once and pointed to the outside of my old home but we couldn’t go in and even if we could, it was only a stranger’s furniture. I’d been so young (and unpopular) during high school that I’d never really been to any usual teenage hang outs (well I had no pleasant memories from them anyway). It had been nice then to be able to show Marley somewhere I’d had good childhood memories.

Marley’s home, however, had always been full of memories. Her home, while small and cramped, had been a true home. Every small object I’d examined on my first visit led to one of the family interjecting with a, usually embarrassing, family story. Then there were the neighbours who greeted me like a long lost member of the family and the old friends who felt the need to give me “the talk” about what would happen if I treated her badly. Not that I’d needed it. Or thought that Marley particularly needed protecting. She’d been weak back then, granted, but, that girl had taken on a sociopath and survived. I knew Marley had extraordinary inner strength. Not that I ever wanted her to have to use it in regards to me. Thinking about that inner strength that I knew lurked underneath her pale skin and fragile frame filled me with hope. I knew she’d find her way through this.

I made the only resolution I could: to spend the next year getting my wife back.

With that brief pause, we went back to discussing our profile so far. It was a pitiful one, if I was being honest. We knew there were two Unsubs, the dominant one would be mid to late thirties with a younger submissive. At least one, we expected the elder, had had access to Jesse’s talk on Foyet. The fact a team had chosen Foyet to copy was interesting. He was a typical loner, it was hard to see that working as part of a team dynamic. Rossi thought the older one had some sort of fascination or connection with Foyet and was using his younger accomplice. Once he had no more need for him, I doubted it would end well for his partner.

“I’ve been thinking about the partner,” Rossi began. “If he is going to kill him it won’t be easy to recognise? To pull this off, under our noses, he has to be smart. He’s not going to kill him the way Foyet would, we’d be on them like a shot. I want every even vaguely suspicious murder of a young male brought in here.  If he’s anything like Foyet he won’t share power for very long.”

“Maybe he’s already dead,” JJ mused, fiddling with a piece of scrap paper in front of her.

“Maybe,” Rossi mused, although from his intonation he doubted that theory for some reason. “Garcia, check the records. See what you can find.”

“My liege,” She murmured, the most humour she’d been able to manage since this started.  With her parting words we went back to silence. Morgan eyed me suspiciously as I stifled a yawn but said nothing, it was pointless trying to argue for me to go home and get some sleep. Even when I did go home for some shut eye I could never sleep. Not that anyone around the table looked fresh faced. We’d been working tirelessly for a week and everyone was straining under the pressure of the finding our SAC. I turned away from his concerned gaze, pulling at my ring in a nervous habit I’d picked up since Marley had left. The skin on my ring finger was turning red in protest but I couldn’t stop. It felt as though it was the only reminder that I’d ever been married. As always I thought about Marley. Wondering whether they’d been moved into permanent accommodation, wondering what her last name was, wondering if she was allowed to keep her rings.

“Anyone want coffee?” Morgan asked, his knees creaking as he stood up. The rest of the group nodded, coffee had become our main source of sustenance since Christmas. “Come on then Reid, I can’t carry them all by myself.” I knew exactly what their game was, every so often I’d be sent on a coffee run, usually with Morgan who tried his hand at being my therapist. Not that I minded too much.

Heading down to the break room, Morgan was unusually quiet, probably waiting for me to say something. To open up to him. I felt as though if I started talking right now, I wouldn’t stop. I’d managed to build a shaky wall in my mind behind which I’d packed every anxious thought and memory of my wife. If I started sharing, I didn’t think I’d be able to contain myself, and walking back into the conference room with red rimmed eyes was not going to help anything. So, instead, we worked side by side making coffee. It would keep us going for a few more hours.

“Do you know we were together twenty seven days when we first slept together,” I garbled out suddenly, unsure why this, of all things, was what I decided to do to break the silence. Morgan, too, looked a little shocked that I was talking so candidly about my sex life, a topic that I’d kept as secret as possible despite all his persistence’s, but he kept quiet and allowed me to talk. “I mean we’d known each other for a few months but we’d only been together three weeks and half of that time we’d been at the hospital with Jack. I always thought when I finally had sex with someone we would have been together months, maybe even a year or so. Probably living together and knowing almost everything about each other. But with her, from the moment I met her it felt as though I knew her. That sounds so cheesy doesn’t it? Like I’m in one of those stupid comedies Marley likes. But it’s true. We just clicked and after that, I just couldn’t be without her. Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. Morgan didn’t want to know about my sex life.

“Don’t sweat it kid. I know how much you miss her. What was it like, that first time?”

“Amazing, it was on Halloween,” Morgan laughed and I couldn’t help but smile. It felt good to let off some steam with Morgan, even only for five minutes before we returned to the world of work.

“Please tell me you didn’t dress her up in some Halloween mask.”

“No! I’m not that much of a creep,” I joked, my mind running over the details of that first night; Marley’s hands on my back, her alabaster skin almost glowing in the moonlight from the open window as I buried my face in her silky hair. Her quiet moans sending shivers down my vertebrate. I could still hear those low groans in my ear, the sounds that had caused such pleasure now brought tears springing to my eyes. God, I missed her.

“That was my first time,” I continued, staring down into the brown abyss inside my cup, because, hey, this seemed to be the way the conversation was going so I might as well roll with it.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Waiting for the right girl,” Morgan offered, wrongly assuming my embarrassment was caused by my admission and not the fact that we were talking about it in the first place.

“Sometimes, I used to think about just going to a club and finding some girl. Just getting it over with. That film you and Garcia made me watch, _The 40 year old virgin,_ was starting to feel more like a premonition than a comedy. But I didn’t and I’m so glad I waited. Neither of us had a clue what we were doing that night,”  I laughed, remembering the fumbling, the hushed whispers asking if everything was alright, the bizarre little chats and, most of all, the laughter. I could still feel her pressed against my chest, her heavy breathing filling the silences mine left. Not that we’d known it at the time, but that would be the last intimate moment we’d share for a long time. Whenever I thought about that evening I tried not to think about what happened after. How Marley had had to crawl her way back to sanity. I could still remember one weekend, seven months after we’d got her back when Vince had taken me aside to have a ‘talk’.

_“You know how much I like you, Spencer? Everything you’ve done for my daughter. You’ve stayed by her side when a lot of people wouldn’t have been able too. And she needed you, she couldn’t have done it without her, but she doesn’t need you now. Just hear me out before you say anything. You were only going out a few weeks, before, you should have been in the honeymoon period getting to know each other. Instead you were in a psych ward with my daughter. All I’m saying is she’s strong enough now that if you broke up she’d survive. I just don’t want her to start building her life again with you as the central point if you don’t love her as much as she loves you. I want you both to be happy.”_

_“I love Marley. I’m not staying here out of a sense of loyalty. Of course I wouldn’t have left her right after it happened, but I didn’t want to. From the moment I met her we had this… connection. Usually I think all that makes no sense but I liked her from the moment I met her. And when we started going out it was great. I loved her and when I got her back I swore I wouldn’t let her go again. I would never string her along, I want her to be happy.  Now that she’s finally getting back on her feet I want to build a life with her, spend as much time as I can making her happy. I want her to move in with me and eventually I want to marry her. She’s safe with me, Vince, I promise you.” By the end of my speech, tears were freely flowing down my face but I let them fall. I wanted Vince to know I was sincere. I was here for the duration and, more importantly, I wanted to be. I never wanted to be apart from her again._

_“Spencer, I’m sorry. I just had to make sure, for her sake. And for yours. You’re a good man, and, when you want to ask my daughter for her hand in marriage, you have my blessing.”_

“That sounds nice Reid,” Morgan’s voice pulled me back to the present. “You were always so _together_ from the moment you met. Sometimes I think I’d like that. Of course, the rest of the time I’m very happy with my single status,” he joked, punching my shoulder as he headed for the exit. 

“Hey Reid, when you get her back, treasure her.”

“I will.” I promised, pulling on my ring, abusing the flesh underneath a little bit more. It was lucky we hadn’t picked up the rest of the team’s coffees as at that moment Garcia came hurtling into the break room, the rest of the team close behind. The looks on their faces telling us everything we needed to know.

“What’s happened now?” I groaned, horrific images of my dead wife hurtling warp speed through my mind.

“This got delivered for you at the front desk. I think it’s from them.” Trying to quell my shaking hand I grabbed it from Garcia and ripped it open, wondering what the hell he could possibly have to taunt me with now.

_Go get some sleep Spencer, I’m not killing anyone tonight. In fact, you might have to wait a few months. The next person I’m killing is your wife._

_She’s in Lawrenceville, Georgia by the way._    


	24. The Last Goodbye

**24\. A Last Goodbye.**

**“When you have only two minutes to say good-bye to the person you love most in the world, and you don’t know when you’ll see each other again, you can become logjammed with the effort to say and do and settle everything at once.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert**

**Spencer POV**

“They’ve moved them. She’s safe,” Garcia promised as she bustled in, but her reassurances on my wife’s safety only made the bile tickle my back teeth.

“He was right? He knew where they were? He _knew_ where they were. He could have killed her ten times over and the only reason he hasn’t is because he’s waiting for the right moment!” I leapt up, my entire frame shaking. I didn’t even know where my wife was and her stalker was as connected as the marshals. She was so far away and I could do nothing to protect her.

“Reid, it’s okay. This could be his big mistake,” Morgan offered.

“HE KNOWS WHERE SHE IS! He knows where she is!” I sobbed, choking on the realisation of the words. “He’s gloating because he has a right too. How does he know?”

“Reid,” JJ whispered, the pain clear in her voice as I collapsed into a chair. “Reid he could have kept quiet that he knew where she was. Then on the anniversary he could have killed all of them before we blinked. But he didn’t, he let that advantage go. His arrogance is going to be our biggest lead.”

“But why? Why would he throw that lead away? Unless he thought he could find her again.” Morgan and I shared a glance as we came to the same conclusion.

“Marshals would have access to the training centre, they could have walked into those talks,” JJ picked up our thread and instantly began calling her contacts.

“If we got the chief to plant false information into his office we could see if we could draw them out, and find out if the people around Marley are honest,” I nodded at Morgan, glad we had a plan although the thought that Marley was surrounded by Unsubs made the hairs on the back of neck stand up as a thin layer of sweat coated my skin.

“Call Rossi and let him know,” I  began as my phone started ringing. I pulled it out my pocket, expecting Emily or Rossi checking in on us but I didn’t recognise the number. I held it up to Morgan, thinking about the unsub, if he was bold enough to send a package to the BAU then calling me wasn’t too absurd. I wouldn’t put it past him to call to continue gloating. With my hand hovering over the speaker button I motioned at Garcia to trace the call, although surely he wouldn’t be that stupid to call when we could find him.

“Who is this?” I snarled.

“It’s me baby,” A voice I thought I wouldn’t hear in months crackled down the line. Garcia actually gasped and Morgan raised his eyebrow at me, both of us praying she was allowed to make this phone call. 

“Marley.”

“They let me-“ A snort I was pretty sure was from Aaron could be heard in the background “- fine, _I told them_ that since he knew where he was I should be able to call you before we left.” There was another probably derivative comment which pushed Marley over the edge. “- Yes! Fine I threatened to sit here until that psychopath attacked unless they let me speak to him. Now shut up, go find your son and let me finish my phone conversation in peace! Jesus this is why even pretending to be your husband is painful!”

I took the phone off speaker and headed into Hotch’s office. It had only been a week since someone had occupied it but dust was already creeping onto the surfaces, covering his binders, Jack’s picture and the snow globe we’d brought him back from London. I sunk down on his couch, not wanting to sit behind his desk. It felt forbidden.

“I miss you Marls. I’m so glad you bullied several anxious marshals into giving us five minutes,” I joked, tears pooling in the bags under my eyes.

“Bullied, threatened a sit in, it’s all relative. I just wanted to hear your voice, know you’re still out there. That he hasn’t got you,”

“It’s not me he wants Marley,” I whispered honestly. “So don’t go worrying about me. Just look after yourself, and Jack and Aaron. How’s Jack?”

“He’s coping. Honestly, the first thing he complained about when we said we were pretending to be married, was you. Not that I wanted it. You’re the only husband I want,” She promised quietly, almost guilty, as though I was going to get angry that she was following orders. 

“I know, being undercover you have to do all sorts,” I promised quietly, trying to calm her down.

“It’s funny, I have so much to tell you. Everything I do I want to tell you about, but now I finally get to speak to you I can’t find the right words. That’s stupid isn’t it?”

“No, I know just how you feel.”

“I just want to be back in your arms. It’s stupid because we’ve been apart for some much longer than this before, and yet this time I can barely stand it. I want to jump through this phone and be in your arms again, right now. Did you speak to your Mom? Tell her why we weren’t coming?”

“I left a message with the hospital to explain…”

“Spence. She needs to hear your voice, just like I do. Promise me you’ll call her at some point. Some point soon.

“I promise baby. How you guys holding up?”

“We’re… coping. Jack’s quiet, Aaron grouchy and I spend my days feeling nauseous. All standard stuff, I just miss you.”

“I miss you too. Are you eating?” She laughed at the question, causing me to raise my own smile at the way I sounded like her Father.

“Enough to get by. How’s Jesse? And my Dad? I don’t think I’ll get the chance to speak to them.”

“Jesse’s out of ICU and the hospital said hopefully he’ll be home in another week or so. He’s coming back to mine, I don’t like the idea of him alone at Hotch’s. You’re Dad’s still here, said he’ll stay until Jesse’s settled. He misses you,” I didn’t mention that our relationship had been strained since Morgan and I had interviewed Jesse. I was spending every hour on the case while Vince was dividing his time between the hospital and his other kids who Jessica was lovingly looking after. Needless to say there hadn’t been much time for talking, so every time we crossed paths at the fridge in the god awful dead of night there was an awkward mumbled exchange. She didn’t need to know that though.

“That’s good. Tell them I love them… actually don’t. Don’t let them know what’s happened. It’ll only stress them out.”

“You’re taking care of yourself right? Eating? Sleeping? I don’t want to come home to a wired skeleton,” She joked quietly, knowing me too well.

“I’m fine, baby. Just waiting till I get you back. I’m going to take some time off when you come back, we can go to Vegas or maybe back to Europe.”

“We never got to Spain,” She whispered, I could practically hear her smile as thought about our future. Focusing on something that didn’t involve a mad man. “How long do you reckon it’ll be?”

“As soon as I can get you back in my arms I will,” I promised.

 “I have to go,” and suddenly she was sobbing. Great gasping sobs screeching down the phone and all I wanted to do was hug her, cradle her in my arms and keep her safe from the world. “I can’t do this without you!”

“Yeah you can. You’re my brave, strong wife. You’ve got Aaron and Jack, and I swear we’ll be together soon. I miss you too baby, every day kills me. But we got this conversation, that’s something to hold on to,” I babbled, all the while trying not to burst into tears myself as I faced saying goodbye to my wife again.

“You’re right. Hell, I’m having a vacation, right? You’re working 24/7 back there,” She gave a little laugh, too high pitched to be real, but I accepted it.

“Exactly, you lazy girl,” I joked, taking her lead.

“Just look after yourself. And little Eve, you better be feeding her. I love you baby,” She whispered.

“I love you too,” I promised, knowing that this was it. This was goodbye.

“I’ll speak to you soon,” She promised, even though neither of us believed it.

“I know. Stay safe, angel. Good…”

“No. Don’t say goodbye. Just…”

“I know,” I whispered, pushing bile back down my throat as I remembered the last time she’d said those words. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” She promised. Then she was gone. I closed my eyes, still clutching the phone to my ear. Taking several deep breaths to keep the burning tears at bay, I managed to get myself under control. After a few more minutes I pulled myself up and headed back to find the rest of the team had converged in the conference room. Without a word Garcia hugged me, muttering comforting words, although the only one I could hear was “G-man.”

“How are they?” Morgan asked.

“Coping, I just need to make sure the people around them will keep them safe,” From Garcia’s expression I could tell she wanted to know every detail, but, for the minute, she’d settle for that.

“We’ve got hold of the Marshal chief. They’re putting Marley and Hotch on the highest security. Only a few people will have access to their whereabouts and he’s going to put out fake information. That way if we get another tip off we know that the people around Marley are safe,” Rossi paced as he laid down the plan.

“And what if we don’t get the tip off?”

“There are only two people who are going to know where they’re going; Wyatt and the chief. And Wyatt is meant to be one of the best he has. It won’t be kept on any file, no one will find them.” He promised and I nodded, praying with all my heart that he was right.

    


	25. Adjustment

**Hey, sorry it’s been so long but uni has been so busy. I hope this has been worth the wait and I hope to speed up updates as I’m on spring break. Please please review! Idril x**

**25\. Adjustment.**

**“We are all humiliated by the sudden discovery of a fact which has existed very comfortably and perhaps been staring at us in private while we have been making up our world entirely without it.” ― George Eliot**

**Marley POV**

Staring out my new kitchen window I watched Wyatt and Hotch unloading a rental van full of “our” stuff. It had been a turbulent few weeks since Wyatt had started swearing furiously down the phone, pulled out his gun and screamed that we stay away from the windows. Jack hadn’t slept in his own bed since. After several hours we were given the all clear, although we were being put into special measures, or deep cover depending on who you asked. Apparently it was going to keep us safe. And Spence agreed so that was something. And I got to speak to him.

We’d spent the next two weeks being moved every few days, I don’t think I ever wanted to see a middling east coast town again. The only place I ever wanted to live again was D.C. In our beautiful little apartment.

Now, however, they’d final considered it safe for us to finally come to a permanent vacation in, I kid you not, Bowling Green, Kentucky. It had raised a smile in Jack at any rate. They’d got us a nice suburban home, the kind that had neighbourhood barbeques and block parties in the summer, and snowball fights in winter. If I was honest, I quite like the house, it had a white picket fence and a wrap round porch with a freaking porch swing. It was a proper family home, I could imagine being happy here with Spencer. Unfortunately I was not here with my husband. I was here with a gun pressed to my head, and it didn’t help to dwell on anything else.

I sat back on our new kitchen table, I could hear Jack playing in the other room with his action men. Glad he felt comfortable to leave my side for a few minutes. It was better than anywhere else we’d stayed. Running my hands over the glass of water I’d run I tried not to focus on the sickness trying desperately to worm its way up my throat. It was utterly pathetic but I hadn’t felt well since Christmas. I hadn’t felt so ill when I was Jonathon. An unfamiliar bell sounded throughout the house, making me jump. Our front door I guessed. Pushing the water away I stood up, ignoring the slight room spin as I did, I headed through the house to our front door. I wasn’t really sure what I was expecting on the other side of it but it certainly wasn’t a group of housewives holding plated food.

“Hi there, you must be the new neighbour. We’re all so excited to meet you, this house has been vacant for an absolute age. I see you’ve got the men hard at work?” The first woman laughed, holding out a plate of cookies in my direction. I gave my best fake smile before politely taking the offering.

“Andrew, honey, come say hello to thee neighbours,” I called out, waving with my free hand at Aaron while giving myself a mental pat on the back for remembering his new name. Got to love deep cover. “I’m….” _Try not to cringe, try not to cringe._ I forcibly reminded myself as I prepared to introduce myself. “Marlene. But most people shorten it.”

“Well it’s lovely to meet you, Marlene. I’m Shannon and this is Julia and Holly.” I smiled, trying to play the part of sophisticated wife. Thankfully Aaron- _Andrew-_ appeared next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. I fought the urge to push it off.

“This is my husband, Andrew. Our son Jack is indoors.” Aaron played the dutiful husband with ease, smiling and shaking all their hands. Then again he’d done this before with Haley. They cooed over the news we had a child and asked where we came from. It was Aaron- _Andrew_ \- who remembered to invite them in. I led the way into the kitchen, feeling like I was playing at house, like I did when I was a kid. On the way I checked in on Jack, he’d got the Legos out the box and was building some kind of fort. He looked up and smiled at me, he’d lost one of his front teeth and gave me a gappy smile.

“Jack, there’s some of our new neighbours in the kitchen why don’t you come say hello,” I smiled down at him, praying he passed the first test. We’d made it as easy as we could for him, he could still call me Marley and he only ever addressed Aaron as Dad. It had to work. He nodded and silently followed me to the kitchen, his hand finding mine as we walked. I squeezed it back, finding solace in his sweaty grip. Aaron was unpacking the box continuing ‘our’ cups, offering coffee.

“Jack, these are some of our new neighbours.” They got even more excited at being introduced to my blond haired boy, not that I could blame them. Aaron smiled over at me, it was the first time I’d seen a genuine smile in a while. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jack smiled shyly at the neighbours before turning to me. “Mom, can I go take my legos upstairs?”

“Yes, honey,” I stuttered, unable to meet Aaron’s eyes. He wouldn’t be happy about that.  I turned back to our new neighbours, not wanting them to see how freaked out I was by Jack’s announcement.

“So how long have you two been married?” Shannon asked, apparently missing my internal freak out that Jack had suddenly called me Mom.

“Only a year and a bit but we’ve been together almost six. Do you have husbands?” I asked, feeling somewhat uncomfortable as I pretended I’d been dating a man old enough to be my Father when I’d barely turned twenty.  Being Aaron’s wife rather than his Nanny did give me some privileges however and, thankfully, they made no comment about my sugar daddy. We made them some more small talk and we got invited to a dinner party next week, a pretty successful first meeting. Although it was hard to focus on anything other than my mind’s recording of Jack calling me his Mom. Thankfully, our neighbours made a quick retreat so we could continue unpacking. As soon as I’d shut the door on them I turned to meet Aaron’s anxious face.

“He must have got confused,” I stuttered, heading up to find Jack, the sooner we sorted it the better. We’d let him choose which room he’d wanted and he’d chosen the back room that overlooked the tree house in the garden. We’d moved some of his stuff into the room and he’d made quick work of pulling his stuff out. He’d already started making a castle out of the spare boxes by the foot of his bed. He didn’t look up when we entered, just kept building. Aaron took a seat on the bed and I sat back on the heels of my feet and pulled some legos out of a box. We fell into a pattern, placing blocks on after the other while Aaron watched. None of us spoke for a while.

“Jack,” I practically whispered when the silence looked to be indefinite. “I know we have to pretend that I’m your Mom but that doesn’t mean you have to call me Mom. You can still call me Marley.” 

“I want to call you Mom,” He whispered back, so quietly I had to lean in to hear. I ran a hand through his hair, it had grown shaggy, needed a cut. He leaned into the touch. “Olivia at schools has two Moms so why can’t I?”

I laughed at his logic but nodded, his features blurred by the water congealing in my eyes as I hugged him close, wrapping him up in my arms. He wrapped his arms around my back and hugged me back.

“Then I’m your Mom, kiddo,” I promised him. I looked up, met Aaron’s watery gaze and smiled, hoping he’d be alright with the situation. Hoping he wouldn’t see it as me trying to take Haley’s place. He nodded back. Not exactly ecstatic but, really, what was I expecting? I closed my eyes and settled my head back on Jack’s, holding him close.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Jack started school the next week. He was actually excited, seeing as he’d made a few friends with the neighbours’ kids and they told him about the soccer club. It made me think about the soccer team back home, we’d been coaching it for four years now and while it had been the bane of my existence when I first started, I was going to miss my cold early Saturday mornings out in the park. Watching just wouldn’t be the same.

It was also Aaron’s first day of work. To keep up appearances the marshals had managed to get him a job working in the law offices in town. It was hardly the nail biting life he was used to but it was something nevertheless. I was insanely jealous of the two of them being able to leave the house, to go out and make this new life a little more bearable. It wasn’t that I wasn’t allowed to get a job, but that I needed one that would allow me to look after Jack. There was no way in hell I was leaving Jack with anyone else. Aaron was going to have to pry Jack from my grip to get him into the school. So I resigned myself to sorting out and unpacking until I found something suitable.

Being Jack’s Mom came easy to me though, was the only thing that was natural in this strange new world. So when the Monday of his first day of school came round I got up early and made pancakes along with the best lunch I could muster. Aaron was already up, the man never needed more than a few hours and now he didn’t have a high pressured job to keep him occupied he got up at dawn to go running. I’d always thought his job would kill him when perhaps really it would be the lack of it. We’d fallen into a routine and as I finished the third pancake the backdoor opened and Aaron appeared, dripping and breathless.

“I’ll wake Jack,” he offered as he headed through the kitchen. Things had been a little strained between us of late. Pretending to be married was taking a toll on our relationship. We even had to share a bedroom, the marshals said it was all to help us keep up appearances. If they were trying to create the quickest divorce they were on to something.  Sure, we’d lived close to each other but I’d moved out eighteen months ago. I was used to being the boss of my own house, of living with a man I loved. Aaron was one of my closest friends but we could also rub each other up the wrong way; especially when we both set our minds on conflicting things. If I had to wake up to his snoring much longer I may just do the copy cat’s work for him. I could hear the two of them murmuring upstairs and I smiled, Jack was taking everything in his stride and was the only thing keeping us going. Or at least from me making Aaron sleep on the couch. I mean that was a married thing to do, right? I’d once made Spence sleep on the couch after a particularly heated argument a few months before our wedding. Then, I’d woken up feeling guilty and tiptoed out to find him curled up watching Star Trek. We’d ended up curled up at 3am marathoning Star Trek. It was one way to end an argument.

“Hey Mom,” Jack whispered as he entered the room. I still wasn’t quite used to being called Mom by Jack, but each time he did it felt a little more familiar. A little more comfortable. I kissed his head as he settled at our new kitchen table beside the stack of pancakes I’d made him.

“Chocolate chip?” He asked hopefully.

“As if I’d make any other type,” I rolled my eyes at his forgetfulness before sitting down beside him, pushing around my own pancake as my stomach did flips. I could hear the shower running upstairs, Aaron could have his when he came down. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah, but I still miss my old friends. And Spencer. And Auntie Jessica,” he whispered.

“So do I baby. We’ll see them soon,” I promised him unfairly. “Do you remember where you went to school?”

“Maryland. I used to go to school in Maryland. That’s where we used to live.”

“Good boy,” I smiled, feeling skeezy at forcing him to lie but what could I do? He didn’t seem fazed though, only continued munching on his breakfast. Giving up on my breakfast I went to check his bag for the umpteenth time, the idea of letting Jack out of my sight for hours on end went against every maternal instinct in my body. Part of me wanted to start home schooling him, but I knew that would do more harm than good. He needed friends. Didn’t mean I liked it though.

“Ready for school, buddy?” Aaron asked as he appeared in the doorway with towel dried hair sticking up in all directions. Jack grinned at his father as he finished the last of his pancakes. “Go brush your teeth then we’ll get going.”

I picked up the plates and left them in the sink, it would give me something to do when I got back. Although part of me wanted to curl up back in bed and try to feel better. Not that that was going to happen till I got home. I watched as Aaron straightened his hair before pulling on his suit jacket. I grabbed my coat, wrapping it around my shaking frame and grabbing Jack’s backpack and heading towards the front door, Jack’s heavy footfalls shook the house as the jumped down the stairs to join us.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

The school was a little smaller than the one back home but it seemed sweet enough. Jack clung to my jacket as we headed through the playground to the brick building. I put a hand on his shoulder, allowing him to curl into me. Aaron led the way to the headteacher’s office, I was just praying it would be quick; I hadn’t had to lie to officials yet and I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it.

The secretary waved us straight through and we were met by a tall, thin man in a cheap suit and quick eyes that flickered over all of us, drinking us in.

“Mr and Mrs Hutchinson, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Mr Peterson.” He shook our hands and bent down to smile at Jack. “I hope you have a great time at this school, Jack. We’re so pleased to have you here.”

Jack smiled shyly and wiggled in his seat. Mr Peterson pulled out a transcript I assumed was Jack’s fake one.

“This is an impressive list of grades, young man,” Jack grinned at the compliment. “Well we’ve set you up with a buddy who will show you around for today. I think he should be waiting in reception so why don’t you go see him and have a good first day.”

“Go on Jack, have a good day honey.” I smiled at him, rubbing his arm as he stood up to leave.

“Bye Dad, Mom.” He grabbed his bag and quickly headed off. We stayed a little longer, talking through his transcript and how we liked the area. It was easy enough; my lying skills were coming on in leaps and bounds.

As we left a few mothers, including some of our neighbours, were still milling around in the playground chatting and we were waved over. Aaron, the most antisocial of being, rolled his eyes at me as we headed over. It wasn’t lost on me that he was the only man, the idea made me laugh.

“Hey, was Jack excited his first day?” Shannon asked, smiling much too brightly considering it was eight in the morning.

“Yeah I think so, a little nervous but that’s to be expected.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Another of the Mother’s offered and I smiled and introduced us. Each time finding it a little easier to deal with the age difference of our pretend marriage. The group went back to the topic they’d been on before we’d arrived and I was about to excuse ourselves when the topic piqued my interest.

 “She could be pregnant, I was always tired with James. And she’s looked a little off for weeks.” I hadn’t thought about pregnancy in a long time, it was something I’d tidied away along with all my thoughts of Spencer. But now, now it made sense. The nausea, the tiredness, the bipolar mood swings. I’d put it down to the entire situation but it could be something else. I tried to quickly calculate when my last period was and it drew a blank. It certainly hadn’t been while we’d been here and December had been such a blur with Christmas. November maybe? Oh God, how could I have been so stupid?

 _Spencer, I’m so sorry._        


	26. The Test

**26\. The Test**

**“Children are knives, my mother once said. They don’t mean to, but they cut. And yet we cling to them, don’t we, we clasp them until the blood flows.” ― Joanne Harris.**

**Marley POV**

“Marley!” Aaron shouted as I sprinted off, the nausea threatening to finally overwhelm me. I ignored Aaron’s pleas and carried on walking. I wanted to get into town, to find a drug store and sort this out once and for all. Aaron grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. I whirled round, noting the anxious faces of the group of women I’d just made my babbled excuses to. “What’s wrong?”

I searched his face, noting the anxious creases above his eyes as he stared my down, trying to find out my secret. I couldn’t tell him. Not yet.

“I need to go. I’m fine Aaron... Andy. I’m fine, I just need a minute alone. Please, just go to work.” To keep up appearances I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

“Call me, when you need me,” Aaron offered as he released my arm. I nodded, trying to keep the tears in check until I got back. What if…? No, we weren’t going there. There were too many what ifs to drive myself crazy with. I just had to find out. 

I didn’t remember the walk to the drug store. Hell I didn’t even know how I found it. But I did, I ended up stood in the queue clutching a cardboard box as though my life depended on it. I suppose it did. The cashier gave me an awkward smile as she rang it up, at my age I was on the cusp of having a baby being either the best thing that could happen to me or an unfortunate accident.  I suppose my blotchy, freaked out face wasn’t helping matters. I practically threw the money at her before grabbing the test and sprinting home. I managed to keep a lid on the boiling, screaming mess inside my head but as I shut the door the lid began bubbling up. Spencer’s voice kept rattling round in my head. I shook it away and ran up the stairs, ripping the packaging off and reading the instructions to check the movies hadn’t led me astray but it seemed fairly simple. When it was done I left it on the side and set the alarm before sitting on the edge of the bed and letting all of those thoughts escape and wash over me.

Just a month ago finding out I was pregnant would have been a dream come true. If I’d worked it out like today, when Spencer would have been at work, how would I have told him? Would I have waited for him to get home, sat lapdog like by the door to throw myself at him. Wrapping myself in his scent, whispering the news in his ear. I could imagine him pulling back, grin forming on his face as he checked he’d heard right. Then he’d kiss me, laughing and pulling me closer, wrapping us up in his embrace. But maybe I wouldn’t be able to wait that long. Maybe I would have run into the office, pulled him into the corridor and told him then and there. The rest of the team staring at us through the glass door, laughing as they worked out our news.

But that was before. Now if I was pregnant I’d taken all that away from him. I’d forced him to stay at home, he’d wanted to come but I’d stopped him. What if they never caught him? What if I had to pretend Aaron was the father of my baby forever? Spencer would never know his own child. His biggest fear was turning out like his Dad, of abandoning his child. And now it was happening. Or what if the killer killed my baby too? Or what if it was ectopic? Or…

The alarm went off.

On shaking legs I staggered to the bathroom, checking the instructions. A single line meant I was just wound up and a cross meant I really was pregnant. Turning the stick over a blue cross stared back at me. I was having a baby.

I started sobbing, flopping back against the wall and sliding down until I hit the floor with a thump. I wrapped my arms around my belly, wanting to keep my baby safe and protected. There were so many things that could go wrong and it was my job to keep them safe. I stayed on the floor for a long time, curled around my baby as I tried to focus on my next course of action. I was so worked up I didn’t hear the door go. Or the footsteps on the stairs. In fact the first I knew of Aaron’s presence was his anguished shout as he found me.

“Marley! Marley what’s wrong?” I looked up, staring into his worried eyes.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, bursting into tears again. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh Marls,” He sat down beside me and wrapped his arms around my shaking form so he could lean his head against mine. I grasped his shirt, needing comfort even if it wasn’t from my husband. Eventually I managed to pull myself together and stopped crying. Sensing the change, Aaron decided now was the time to take charge. “We should go to the hospital… get everything checked out.” I nodded against his chest, unable to find my voice.

“Are you going to be alright if I go make an appointment?” I nodded again and he extracted himself from my grip. I reached out and let him pull me to my feet so I could follow him downstairs. I needed to get a grip and start being practical. Aaron began phoning the hospital while I sat at the table with one arm clutching my belly, hoping my baby was safe where it was supposed to be. I stared down at the table, half listening to Aaron using his negotiating skills to get me the earliest appointment possible.

“Right, two o’clock. Thank you very much.” I looked up as Aaron put the phone down, suddenly realising the time.

“Why aren’t you at work?”

“I came home for lunch, I was worried about you. I’ll call them and say I need to take the afternoon off.”

“You should go to work,” I whispered, not even trying to convince him. He just snorted and began making coffee. “Do you know where we have to go?”

“Vaguely. We’ll be fine Marley. Do you want lunch?” I shook my head as I checked the clock above the oven. I had to wait two agonizing hours to find out whether they were going to have to destroy my baby to save my life. I couldn’t go through that again. It had been bad enough when I’d found out after the event, when I’d had no knowledge of what I’d lost. But being the one to make the call, even though I didn’t have a choice in the matter, it was more than I could bear. 

_Spence, I need you. We both do._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ 

“Marlene Hutchinson?” A middle aged doctor walked into the waiting room, holding a clipboard and scanning the room for her patient. It was Aaron who responded, I was still in denial over my new name.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Reaves.” We both shook her hands before following her down the corridor to her room. She motioned for us to take a seat on one side of the desk while she went round the other side. “So I’ve read through your notes and I know you suffered an ectopic pregnancy and you’re now pregnant again?”

“Yeah, I don’t know how far along I am,” I mumbled in embarrassment, I’d been trying for a baby and I still hadn’t recognised the signs! “I just found out today and we need to check that…” I trailed off and stared at the floor, unable to face anyone else.

“That’s fine, we’ll give you the once over and check that everything is ok. If you want to jump on the bed.” She motioned to the other side of the room and I stood up on shaky legs, grasping Aaron for support.

“Don’t leave me,” I whispered. He squeezed my hand. 

I hoisted myself up on the bed and swung my legs round. The shaking was even more evident and I was grateful when Aaron rubbed my knee with his free hand. As Dr Reaves set up the equipment I sent another fervent prayer up that my kid was safe. I couldn’t imagine having too… shaking my head I tried to focus on the doctor’s spiel apologising for the cold gel. I lifted my top, revealing the plenitude of scars across my torso. The doctor was kind enough not to mention any of them as she squirted gel on my abdomen. I squeezed Aaron’s hand harder. Maybe not knowing was better.

“Ok, let’s have a little look and see what we’re dealing with,” she smiled at me before focusing her attention on the screen. I watched her face, trying out my profiling skills but she had a pretty good poker face. She moved the sensor across my stomach, I wondered if she could detect the butterflies flying round in there. “Marley?”

“Yes?” I whispered, biting down on my lip until I drew blood. I couldn’t lose another baby. She grabbed the screen and turned it towards it. I stared at the blurry image, trying to understand what it meant.

“Here’s your baby. All safe and well where it’s meant to be.” I burst into tears, relief coursing through my body. I turned, for a split second expecting to find Spencer’s ecstatic face but instead Aaron grinned back at me, squeezing my hand. I smiled, glad there was someone here, even if it wasn’t Spencer.

“You’re sure everything is ok? No problems?” I clarified, staring at the blob, starting to make out my child in the etch-a-sketch image.

“Everything’s fine, Mrs Hutchinson. Your baby is a good size. From what I can tell you’re about 11 weeks pregnant. Here’s the head, the body’s there and the legs.” I nodded along as she pointed out my child’s body, cementing the image in my mind. I reached out, brushing my fingers against the screen as though I could stroke his skin. “You’re due date should be June 3rd.”

It felt as though the air was sucked out the room. June 3rd. The day I was meant to die. She must have seen the blood drain from my face as she turned to Aaron and asked if everything was ok. I turned to see he didn’t look any better than me.

“It’s nothing, it’s just an important family date.” Aaron quickly recovered before changing the subject to ask about getting a print out of our baby. I tried not to let it irk me that he found it so easy to fall into the role of expectant father to Spencer’s child. He was just playing the game we had to to survive. She handed over a scan picture along with leaflets on pre-natal care and told me when to book another appointment. I nodded along, clutching the photo close.

We were silent as we headed down the corridor until I whispered the date under my breath, unable to keep it in any longer.

“Marls.”

“This is a sign. He’s going to get us all,” I whimpered, my breath hitching as I started hyperventilating. He grabbed me by the shoulder and forced me to meet his eyes.

“I will keep you safe. No one is dying. Especially not your baby, I’m getting you both back to Spencer.”

“But it’s not the same. With Jack he can run or hide but a baby? If the unsub finds us he’ll be a sitting duck,” I leaned into his embrace, tears running down my cheeks as he held me close.

“Nothing will happen, Marley we’re safe. Hell, in a couple of weeks you could be back home.” I nodded along, you could almost believe his promise. I let go of him and pulled myself together, I had to keep myself as calm as possible, my baby deserved that much. As we walked I let my hand fall to my stomach, pressing on it lightly. There was a baby in there. I had a kid, I finally had a kid. Despite everything a smile tugged at my lips. I was pregnant! And there was no way in hell I was letting anything harm either of my kids.

We spoke quietly in the car, trying to decide when and what to tell Jack, Aaron decided to call Wyatt when we got in to let him know about our latest development, and, whether or not I was going to tell Spencer. While I wouldn’t be allowed to call him, Aaron said I could speak to Wyatt and he could tell Spencer, maybe even write him a letter. But, was that fair? Was it right that I let him know what he was missing? Was it right to let him know his baby was in danger?

When we got in I sat down at the table and began writing him a letter, explaining everything. I told him how it had felt to see our baby, how I had a scan picture specially for him, for I was going to go out tomorrow and buy some baby books so I was all clued up on how best to care for our baby, how I prayed he’d catch the killer soon because there was no way in hell Aaron was going to be my birthing partner. Then I folded it up, placed a kiss against the paper before going to one of the kitchen cupboards and pulling out the matches.

I held the paper by the corner as I watched the flames devour my words, my secret.   


	27. Decisions

**27\. Decisions**

**“There is nothing that moves a loving father's soul quite like his child's cry.” ― Joni Eareckson Tada**

**Spencer POV**

I leaned back and closed my eyes, listening to Vince and Jesse talking in the other room. It was about 3am and Jesse had been back at my flat for four days. He had spent his time curled up on the couch with our family and Daniel, who’d appeared shyly on our doorstop the day Jesse had been released and, according to Nick, had become a near permanent fixture in my apartment. I’d only met him the one time when Jesse had been released, the rest of the time I’d been at the office morning till night trying to get a lead. There had been no more messages from our unsubs, and while we’d been going through the marshal’s database there was nothing that matched the profile. And there had been no more killings. Not that I wanted any more death, god no, but the sudden nothingness made it difficult to expand our profile. I knew if we didn’t get any new leads soon then Straus and her bosses would class him as dormant and we’d have to take on new cases. Then getting my wife back would be even more arduous.  

I turned over on the bed, coming face to face with Eve who had taken to making her bed on Marley’s pillow. I leaned over and stroked her fur, worming my hand under her paws so I could bury my fingers in the shaggy coat until she purred. She liked it when I petted her, something I hadn’t really done much of since I’d brought her into our family home. She raised a tired head before pulling herself upright and staggering along the pillow so she could curl up beside my side. I lay my head back down, rhythmically stroking her fur until the purring sounded like a pneumatic drill. She stretched her legs out, her claws outstretched as she began playing with the edge of the pillow. Unable to stay still in the bed any longer I picked up Eve, who gave a disgruntled meow but soon settled down as I continued to stroke her back. Heading out into the corridor I followed the whispered voices into my dimly lit kitchen to find the two of them huddled over steaming mugs.

“Spence,” Jesse looked up in shock as I entered, before sharing a guilty look with his father.

“Did we wake you?” Vince asked, fiddling with his mug. I shook my head, standing awkwardly in the doorway with Eve trying to bury herself in the crook of my arm. Feeling slightly uncomfortable I decided to make myself a drink, at least it would give me something to do. Reluctantly I deposited Eve on the counter so I could grab some cocoa, she was not happy with this new state of affairs and followed me along the bench, meowing sadly as she went. When I’d finished I picked up the mug and scooped my whining kitten off the bench and carried her one handed back to the table. If anything the awkwardness increased when I sat down, stroking my cat like a bond villain.

 “You should be sleeping. I know you’ll be at work in a couple of hours and you only got home in the early hours. You can’t keep this up, Spencer, you’re burning the candle at both ends.” Vince seemed to have gotten over his annoyance at our interview tactics and instead had taken to trying to manage my health and wellbeing. I wished he wouldn’t. I finally knew where his daughter got it from.

“I’m fine. I can’t switch off. What are you doing up?” I quickly changed the subject , too tired to find an adequate defence.

“Nightmare,” Jesse admitted, looking away as though I’d judge him for that.

“Know the feeling,” I offered and he gave a small smile.

 “Any news?” Jesse asked as he reached out and stroked Eve’s back. She raised her head in approval at the action.

“Nothing concrete,” I evaded. I couldn’t be talking about the case with them and, unfortunately, nothing really had happened.

“Spencer I could help. I know everyon-”

“No.” I shut him down before he could get that thought in his head. There was no way I was letting him go anywhere near this case. I’d nearly lost him already.

“Please.”

“I said no. You’re too young, too inexperienced. Hell, you’re in your first year at the academy! No one will allow it so do not start.” It came out so much harsher than I was expecting and judging from Vince’s face any good will I’d acquired over the last few days had gone again.

“This is my fault, Spencer. They’re in this mess because of me, I just want to help.”

“I know,” I whispered, feeling about an inch tall. “I know you want to help, but there’s nothing you can do. And this sure as hell isn’t your fault.”

“It is! If I hadn’t done that presentation then…”

“That presentation wasn’t the reason he came after… oh God.” I trailed off as I realised what I’d said. “We’ve been going about this all wrong… oh God.”

I jumped off the table and grabbed the wall phone and slamming in Dave’s mobile number. He picked up on the fourth ring.

“Reid, what’s happened?” His voice sounded groggy and I suddenly realised the time, I’d been so excited at the revelation. “Have you got anymore letters?”

“No, I’m sorry I forgot the time, it’s just Jesse said something and I think we’re going about this all wrong. What would we have done if this was a normal case? If we didn’t know the unsub?”

“Reid it’s 3am, just tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Right, sorry. But because we know Foyet we’ve been focusing on the unsub and we’ve forgotten the victims. If this was a normal case we’d ask what connects the victims. Why them.”

“But we know why. The attacks in the street were random apart from Jesse and he’s after Hotch because of Foyet.” Rossi sounded like he was about a minute from hanging up on me and calling Morgan to deal with my night time breakdown.

“No, no, no that’s not what I meant. We’re so sure that the unsub is after them because of Foyet but what if it’s the other way round. Think about it, what copycat do you know who has this much control? He was writing letters months before he killed anyone, then he has one night that’s basically a spree, then nothing. We’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Keep going.”

“Surely most copycats would just focus on his usual attacks. Not go to this much effort to get Hotch. This is personal. We need to profile Hotch and Marley, and find the people who would target them. That’s the way we’re going to find him.” There was a pause on the other end of the line as Rossi contemplated my revelation.

“I think you’re right. We have been blinkered in this, that’s the problem with personal cases. I’ll text the others and in the morning we’ll regroup and go over victimology.”

“But-” I began, desperate to start now, hoping this might be our big break.

“Bright and early. But we all need sleep Reid, you especially. Get some rest.”

“Okay Rossi. I’ll see you in a few hours.” It was with reluctance I gave up the fight, he was right. We had been working sixteen hour days as the norm for weeks. I hung up and leaned against the wall, half forgetting I had company.

“So is this good news?” Vince asked nervously from behind me. I turned to find the two of them staring anxiously at me so I went back to my seat and sat down.

“It gives us another avenue to explore.” I offered, not wanting us to get too carried away.

“You think someone is targeting Marls personally?”

“Honestly, since Foyet is so personal to Hotch I think he’d be the target but we can’t rule anything out. We’ll discuss this more in the morning.” They nodded and Eve, who’d been relegated to the table, came back to curl up on my lap. Jesse eased himself up, grimacing at the effort.

“I’m going to head to bed, get some rest. Night Spencer,” I nodded, giving him a small smile as he shuffled down the hall.

“You should get some rest too, Spencer. If you’re going to be up in a few hours, I want you to have a bit of shut eye.” I nodded, suddenly enjoying Vince in father mood.  He stood up, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I know she’d be proud of everything you’re doing.”

“Thanks.” I downed the remnants of my drink before grasping Eve and following Vince down the hall. Nick and Jesse were in mine and Marley’s room while the other boys were in Jack’s room. Vince was sleeping on the pull out sofa in our living room. It had been a fine set up for the holidays but after weeks of it, everything was feeling a bit strained. I’d offered to switch seeing as I was barely home but he’d refused. Though it wouldn’t be for much longer, Vince was leaving at the end of the week now Jesse was home. Nick had tried to take the semester off to stay with his brother but Vince and Jesse had put an end to that. So he, too, was leaving on Friday. Then it would just be Jesse and I rattling round in our apartment.

“Night.” I headed into my room and shut the door, settling Eve on the bed beside me. I knew I wouldn’t sleep but I’d promised I’d try so I lay back on the bed and tried to wipe all thoughts of profiles from my mind. Eve settled on my chest and I smiled, the warm weight was a comfort. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Maybe this was the lead. Maybe she’d be home soon.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I waited till six before pulling myself up and going to shower. I pulled on a crumpled shirt and tied a quick knot in my tie before tiptoeing down into the hallway, Vince was snoring on the couch, curled up round one of the pillows. I shuffled into the kitchen and made myself a strong coffee and toast before grabbing my bag and heading out.

I liked this time of day, there was few cars on the road and even less pedestrian traffic. It made for a nice walk down to the subway. Hell, I even got a seat for the ride to work.

I’d expected to be the first one of the team in the office but as I pushed open the glass door into the bullpen, Rossi’s office was lit up like a lighthouse over a stormy sea. Taking the stairs two at a time I pushed open the door without knocking, making him jump at my rude entrance.

“You said to get some sleep.”

“Couldn’t sleep. The others will be here soon.” He indicated the chair opposite his desk and I took a seat across from him, clutching my stomach as I waited for his plan of action. “I’ve been thinking about victimology, and I think we’ve missed something. I think you’re right. I think this is more personal than we thought.”

I didn’t have a chance to reply as there was a knock on the door and Morgan poked his head around the door.

“So, that text wasn’t exactly informative. What’s going on?”

“Where’s everyone else?” Rossi asked.

“Almost here. Conference room?” We nodded and followed him to the round table room where JJ and Garcia were already setting up and looked up expectantly as we entered.

“When Prentiss gets here we’ll go over what Reid and I spoke about last night.” Dave offered and Morgan turned to stare wide eyed at me, as though asking why I hadn’t gone to him first. Garcia made us all coffee and we sat in silence until Emily burst in, looking apologetic.

“Right now we’re all here. Reid had a brain wave last night and I think it’s something we should have thought about before.” Rossi turned to me and looked expectantly, I stared back a second before realising he wanted me to explain everything.

“I think we’ve been going about this the wrong way. We thought the team chose Foyet then went after Marley and Hotch but what if they want to get them and chose Foyet to attack them with. Think about it, it’s way too planned.” I continued to explain my theory and they nodded along, seeming to take my suggestion on board.  “So we need to focus on people who wold have a grudge against Hotch.”

“And Marley.” Emily jumped in.

“But using Foyet is more personal to Aaron. If you wanted to get to Marley you’d use Jonathon.”

“Yes, but all the threats were aimed directly at Marley. She was the one who received the letters, she was the one who was directly threatened. When he sent that note to you it said where _she_ was, not they. If you wanted to directly attack Hotch surely you’d threaten Jack not Marley.”

“You think she’s the target?” I asked, not really wanting to think about it.

 “I think she’s certainly been the focus. And I think we’ve spent so long focusing on the Foyet angle we may have overlooked that.  Come to think of it, maybe they want you. Think about it they’re attacking Marley and taunting you. It’s another thing to focus on. ”

“Garcia, why don’t you start seeing if any of the marshals have a connection to Marley, Hotch or Reid. Then, I want Morgan and Prentiss to conduct a cognitive interview on Jesse, see what he can remember about the audience from his presentation. Reid, JJ and I will go speak to Vince, Jess, Sean and see if we can find any potential leads.” We all nodded as Rossi took over the team. For the first time in a long time I felt light. This could be the beginning of the end. She could be home.

I should have known it was too good to last.

“Sir, the marshal, Wyatt, is looking for Reid.” We all turned round, as Anderson peered anxiously round the door. My stomach dropped. What had happened to my wife now? I nodded, beckoning for him to let him in.

Wyatt walked in, looking older than I remembered him, dark bags had settled under his eyes and the coffee cup in his hand shook as he regarded us.

“Is she….?”

“She’s in deep cover but yes, she’s fine. They’re all fine.” I let out a breath but didn’t relax totally. I was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Listen, Spencer Marley was adamant that she didn’t want you to know this but, I couldn’t. I mean if I was in your position, I’d want to know.” I looked at him expectantly, what on earth would be so bad Marley would try to hide from me?  

“Marley’s pregnant.” 


	28. Regrets

 

**28\. Regrets.**

**“You are always in my thoughts. When you were little, I knew your whereabouts at any given moment. Now that you are...off on your own, I still always know where you are, because I keep you in my heart.” ― Elizabeth Berg**

**Spencer Reid POV**

“She’s what?” I whispered, biting down on my lip. This wasn’t happening. This nightmare wasn’t getting any worse.

“She’s pregnant. Eleven weeks. I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes, letting out a breath. It had been six months of trying, of praying for a baby. I could remember the disappointment deep in my gut when Marley would quietly murmur “not this month.” I hadn’t even considered the possibility of her being pregnant when I’d let her go. I’d been so concerned with _her_ life that I hadn’t thought about the potential of there being a life growing inside her. What if I never got them back? What if my baby grew up thinking Aaron was its father? What if…? _No. No, don’t go there._

“Is she alright? Is the baby, you know, okay?” I wished my voice hadn’t wavered quite as much as I asked.

“After last time, they went to a hospital straight away and everything is fine.” I nodded, smiling slightly, because even though we were stuck in this nightmare, and they were god knows how far away, they were still safe. Marley didn’t have to go through another ectopic pregnancy alone, I couldn’t bear that. My baby was alive and Marley would protect it with her life. I just wished I could be there for them both. I would give anything to wrap her up in my arms right now, to tell her I loved her and we were going to make the best family. This wasn’t fair. I should be there. I should have been there with her when she went to the hospital, scared stiff for our much longed for child.

“What else do you know?” I asked, unsure what else to say. It wasn’t him I wanted to discuss this with. I imagined what it would have been like being with her when she found out, walking in from work to find her sat guard dog style on the sofa arm. She’d give a shy smile and whisper the news. I could hear the yelps of happiness, feel the grin tugging at my face as I pulled her into an embrace. Kissing her lips, running a hand under her top so I could lay it on her still flat stomach, knowing my child was in there. God, I could practically feel her skin against mine. My hands tingled with longing.    

“There’s nothing more I know. This is actually a good thing. I mean their attackers won’t be looking for a family with a baby.”

“It’s not going to get that far. Marley’s going to be home long before our baby is born!” I snapped, pushing my chair back and sprinting out the room. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t be around them, couldn’t look at their sympathetic faces. I smashed open the door to the bathroom and grasped onto the sink for support. My arms shook and I found myself gasping for breath, tears I couldn’t remember shedding staining my arms. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how it was meant to happen.

“Reid.” Rossi. That was new; I would have thought Morgan would have come first. I didn’t look up. Just continued sobbing over the sink. “Reid. God, Reid I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to be a Dad.” I let out a harsh bark of laughter, and continued staring down at the white porcelain.

“Yes you are. We’re going to have a little genius running round. You’ll be having all these intellectual conversations while Marley and I scratch our heads.”

“We might never see them. My baby might grow up thinking Hotch is its father.”

“Your kid would be much too smiley to be related to Aaron.” I snorted, turning to meet Rossi’s eye. He was leaning back against the wall by the sink, far enough to give me space but close enough that I could reach out if I needed him. “We’ll get her back. We’ll get them both back.”

“You met my Dad. I don’t want to turn out like him. I want to be there for my baby. I want to be there at the birth, see their first steps, first word…”

“…first dissertation?” I snorted at Rossi all the while imagining my child’s college acceptance letter. “I know how badly you want to be a father. And I swear if it’s the last thing I do, I will reunite you. We have a lead now, look at the plans we have. Few weeks tops.”

“I know. I just… I wish I’d been there. I wish I could hold her. And why did she want him to hide it from me? Why didn’t she want me to know we were having a baby?” I asked, letting my head fall down between my shoulders.

“You know why. She was protecting you until she could tell you in person.” I nodded, knowing he was right but feeling the anxious stirring in my stomach that she didn’t want me to know. “Do you want to go home?”

“No, I want to find this bastard.” I lifted my head and turned to look at him, determination set on my face. He wasn’t taking any more of my time with my family away from me.

“Ok, let’s find the others and work the profile.” I nodded, before splashing water on my face to try and clear away the tear tracks. Rossi handed me a paper towel and I dried off. Rossi waited behind me, letting me be the one to choose when we headed back out into the real world, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

“You had no right!” We both stopped at the sound of Morgan’s snarling voice. “You had no right to tell him!”

“I was doing what I thought was best!” Wyatt yelled back. We shared a look before heading round the corner to find Morgan cornering Wyatt against the elevator.

“Marley knows him better than anyone and if she says he’s not to know, then you sure as hell keep it quiet. She wouldn’t have wanted him to know because she knew what it would have done to him. He’s going to torture himself over this until he gets her back. Every single waking moment it’s all he’ll think about.  You know, Marley’s whole existence seems to be about protecting people; Hotch, Jack, Reid. Especially Reid. But she can do nothing to keep him safe now. And I know that’s killing her. This was her one chance to save him from himself and you took that away from her.”

“She doesn’t have to know I said anything…”

“Oh yeah, that’s what she needs now, another liar in her life! And that’s not even the point, the point is she didn’t want him to know. You should have respected that.” Morgan turned at that pointed, and finally noticed the two of us staring at him. Without a second glance at Wyatt, he walked towards us, throwing an arm around my shoulder and dragging me with him back towards the bull pen.

“This doesn’t change anything, Reid. We’re going to find them.” I didn’t say that yes, it changed everything. I just nodded at his attempt at comfort as he led me back up the stairs. The others looked on anxiously as we walked in, I could tell Garcia was desperate to jump on me and smother me with hugs but was holding back, I was so grateful. I didn’t think I’d be able to hold it together if I was engulfed in a “baby girl hug.” We took seats, even though we’d already divvied up jobs. It was as though after the bombshell we needed a couple of minutes to just compose ourselves.

“Reid.” It was JJ who finally broke the silence, and I knew from the tone the next question would hurt. “You don’t have to answer but what did Wyatt mean earlier, when he mentioned last time?”

“Just after Emily came back, Marley had a miscarriage.” I hated saying it out loud, racking up the past after all this time.

“It was our fault.” JJ turned away from me, but I could still see her chin bobbing as she tried not to cry. I flicked my gaze to Prentiss who was desperately gnawing on her finger nails.

“No, it was an ectopic pregnancy. It would have happened anyway. I’m sorry, I was so funny at the time.” I offered as way of a belated apology.

“Oh Spence!” JJ started sobbing and lunged at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry, and I’m sorry you couldn’t tell us. I should have been there for you.”

“JJ, it wasn’t your fault. We had Morgan, and Rossi, and Hotch. We just wanted to keep it low key, private. It was hard, but it was a long time ago.” I tried to comfort her but she still clung to me.

“Why didn’t you tell _me?”_ I looked up to see the hurt on Garcia’s face. She was the only one who hadn’t known about Emily and I hadn’t confided in. A double blow.

“Baby girl, it wasn’t like that. They didn’t even want us to know. It was Jess who called Rossi when Marley collapsed and he called me. Marley’s Dad doesn’t even know.” Morgan, ever my saviour, jumped in to defend me.

“I couldn’t stand you all knowing. I couldn’t take hugs and cakes and pity. And Marley was in a really bad place, she just wanted to hide it away.” I admitted quietly, and Garcia nodded, tears glistening in her eyes before she jumped up and joined the strangling. This is exactly what I’d wanted to avoid. I allowed Garcia to have a couple of seconds before wiggling so the two of them would release me.

“We have a plan, we need to stick to it.” I wiped my face and stood up, trying to remember what I was going to do. Speak to the families. Well, my family. I looked round at the others, glad to see they were all gathering their stuff too.

I just hoped we found something. Now we had a very real time limit.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“Is there anyone you could think of who would want to hurt Marley?” Barely an hour later I found myself sat on my couch next to Rossi with Nick, Jesse and Vince opposite us, looking slightly bewildered at my line of questioning. “Perhaps an old grudge or a friendship that went sour? Any concerns you have, no matter how small, could be important.”

“What about her old boyfriends?” Rossi offered.   

 “She had a couple of boyfriends but nothing serious. There was one when she was 16, Luke which fizzled out a few months later. He’s got a kid now. Then there was Sammy, he…”

“… he was the one who died in a car crash?” I didn’t know why I felt the need to interrupt, perhaps I wanted to prove to Rossi that my wife and I shared everything. That we talked,  

“Yeah, halfway through their junior year. Nice boy. She didn’t date for a long time after that. Then when she was twenty there was this one guy called Peter, I never really knew much about him and they only lasted a couple of weeks. Then there was nothing until she met you.”

“What about friends? Any that stick out? Any you didn’t like?”

“I… None that would commit murder!”

“Don’t think about it like that. Most serial killers don’t stand out, they blend in. Just tell me about her friends.”  

“What about the year after high school. She said she had a bit of a rebellion.” I offered, thinking about her secret tattoo. Vince snorted.

“Rebellion for Marley, she tried I’ll give her that. Not very well but she tried. She hung out with some idiots, I can give you their names but honestly, Spence, they were motorbike riding jerks. From what I know they’re still in the area. I can’t imagine any of them having the brains to do something like this. Anyway she was never particularly close to any of them. Talk to Rebecca, she might know a bit more. “

“Thanks. Hey, Rossi, could you give me a minute?” Rossi nodded before standing up and heading for the door, knowing what I was going to do. I wasn’t sure about the wisdom of what I was about to do, I was I just passing round the misery so I didn’t feel so alone. It was wrong, but I needed them.

“What’s up Spencer?” Vince shared a nervous glance with Nick and Jesse.

“Wyatt, the marshal in charge of Marley’s case, came to see me today. And told me that she… she… we are expecting a baby,” I looked desperately at Vince to make it better, but all he could do was shut his eyes and run a hand over his face.

“Oh Spencer,” he sighed.

“You’re going to be a Grandfather,” I offered, as though he hadn’t understood what I’d said. “Vince,” I let out a whimper and he reached across and pulled me against him. I grabbed onto him, the way I used to with my own father when I had a nightmare, and sobbed. Big, heart breaking sobs. Vince made soothing sounds while Jesse placed a hand on my back while one of Nick’s was on my shoulder. I leaned in to their support, needing them desperately. They were a piece of Marley and right now I would take all I could.

It took me a long time to calm down, and even then I stayed in the embrace a little longer. Eventually though, I pulled myself up, wiping my face and staring down at the floor, too embarrassed for words.

“I’m sorry.”

“Spencer, you’re going through hell. Even more hell now. You lean on family.” Vince offered while his boys nodded beside him.

“You’re lucky it came out like this or Dad might have killed you for getting his baby girl pregnant.” Jesse offered in an attempt to break the tension. Nick and I started laughing, slightly hysterically, and it took us a little while to stop.

“That was the rule when she was a sixteen year old girl, not when she’s a married twenty six year old woman.” Vince smiled. “This is good news, although I hardly think I’m old enough to be a grandfather.”

“Well you weren’t really old enough to be a father, either, so…” Jesse trailed off and was rewarded with a playful clip round the ear from his father.

“I should catch up with Rossi.” Despite the jovial chatter making me feel more at home then I had in ages, I had to get going. Get in touch with Rebecca and track down Sean. Vince nodded but grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I’ll be back later.”

“If I think of anything else, I’ll call you.”

“Thanks.” I drained my coffee before standing up and reluctantly walking away from my family.

Rossi had been waiting on the landing outside our door, phone in hand. He nodded at me and we began heading down the stairs. I was pretty sure I had Rebecca’s number in my phone and I’d begun scrolling through my contacts to try and find her when it began ringing. Garcia’s number flashed across the phone and I quickly put her on speakerphone.

“We have a new lead.” Garcia didn’t even bother with hello, and from the tone of her voice it wasn’t a good lead.

“What is it?”        

“A body’s turned up.”


	29. Marley's Day

**I am so sorry for the delay in posting. I had this whole chapter written out months ago and then my computer died in a blaze of glory (literally- it was very impressive) and I couldn’t bear to rewrite it so I waited until I could salvage it from my old hard drive. Fear not I will update lots to make up for this!**

**While I was waiting, I wrote something for the season 9 finale called “Angels and Demons” and I’m really proud of it so please look it up! It has lots of Reid and Marley fluff.**

**I know I don’t deserve it but please please please review! Idril x**

**29\. Marley’s Day**

**“In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.”  ― N.K. Jemisin**

**Marley**

_“You know Capybara’s are the largest rodent in the world.”_

_“Really? Wouldn’t want one in my kitchen.” I offered around a mouthful of ice cream. We were sat watching some documentary on a British Zoo as we sat curled up on Spencer’s sofa. His arms were around me, his fingers running up and down my arm. It had been six months since I’d been released from my stint in yet another hospital ward and things were slowly getting better. I could stand the journey to Spence’s apartment now. Usually we curled up in a companionable silence but today he had barely stopped for breath._

_I hadn’t been sleeping too well, well that was my excuse for it taking me two hours to realise I was being distracted. For someone who worked with the FBI, Spence wasn’t particularly good at lying to me. Something I was grateful for. He’d been edgy since he picked me up, talking constantly about facts and statistics, switching between topics seemingly at random, and his hand was slick with sweat. Deciding to pull him up on it I asked if we could go back to Aaron’s, I’d left my bag behind. Spencer froze and began babbling even more incoherently than before. I tried, with little success, to hide my smirk._

_“What’s going on, Spence?” I smiled even wider at the look on his face, which had paled and he began talking about the invention of the internet. “I’ll get it out of you!” I lunged at him, straddling his body and began a tickle torture. He yelped, his body jerking under my hands as he squealed. I giggled, enjoying being evil. He eventually managed to grab both of my hands in his and stopped me in my tracks._

_“It’s something good, okay? Aaron and Jack want to do something nice for you.” I nodded, grinning, I liked being spoiled. And it was nice getting to the stage where I could enjoy it._

_“How long until we’re summoned back?”_

_“A couple of hours?” I smiled, leaning down to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. I leaned down again, letting him kiss me gently, caressing my hair and nuzzling me close. I enjoyed the closeness, it had taken us a little time to return to this closeness after everything that had happened but now we were solid. I loved the way Spence kept control of himself, he kept his hands to my waist or hair until I said anything. I kept stopping him before we got too far, something inside stopped me. I was scared, scared that anything I did_ now _wouldn’t match up to before. That first, and only, time I’d been with Spencer had been… perfect. That was that was the only way to describe it. And what if it could never have that again. It was better to live with the possibility._

_Spence didn’t mind. He never did. He settled for kissing on the sofa and eating popcorn while we watched some TV movie. Spencer’s phone buzzed twenty minutes before the end, he didn’t even let me find out whether the truth was revealed as he was shuttling me out the door._

_“Seriously what is this?” I asked for the umpteenth time while Spencer just shook his head, keeping his eyes firmly on the road. I knew Spencer preferred the subway but I still didn’t feel particularly comfortable in crowds so he drove us back to Aaron’s apartment and parked in his usual spot besides Aaron’s car. I had to stop myself from running through the entryway to find out what Aaron and Jack had up their sleeve._

_“Close your eyes,” Spence gave a wicked grin when we finally reached Aaron’s front door. I rolled my eyes but complied, secretly excited that they’d gone to all this trouble for me. He put his hands over my eyes and began guiding me to the door. I felt the rush of cold air against my cheeks as the door opened, accompanied by Jack’s giggles._

_“Ready Jack?” Spence asked. I kept blinking behind Spencer’s hands, trying to get a glimpse through the gap in his hands._

_“Ready!” My little boy finally screamed and Spencer released my eyes._

_“Happy Marley’s day!” Jack screamed and it took me a second to work out what was going on. The house had been decorated for a party, with a handmade “Marley” banner, balloons, cake and presents._

_“Happy what? You guys know it’s not my birthday, right?” I asked as I leaned down to hug Jack who was excitedly letting off a stream of “do you like it?”s that were getting progressively louder. “It’s great Jack.”_

_“It’s not for your birthday, silly. It’s your special day. Daddy has a day and Mommy has a day but you don’t. So now you do!” I looked up at Aaron, catching his eye and he smiled back. It took me a second to speak and when I did it came out as a squeak._

_“Thank you darling,” I hugged him tight, biting down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying. Jack’s first Mother’s day without Haley had gone about as well as we’d expected, and yet here he was, creating my very own day._

_“Do you want to open your presents?” He asked, bouncing up and down in excitement._

_“I get presents too? I’m such a lucky girl.” He sped off to retrieve them for me while I pulled myself to my feet, struggling to see Aaron through glassy eyes. “How…?”_

_“The day after Mother’s day he came home from school and said that you did everything a parent did but you didn’t have a day, so the three men in your life put our heads together and made you your very own day.” I didn’t get a chance to reply as Jack came bounding back with a small stack of presents in his little arms. I sat back on the floor, Jack in my lap and allowed him to pass me the presents “in the correct order.” He first gave me a small rectangular package wrapped in ballerina paper. I pulled at the corners, careful not to tear the paper, although from the anxious shifting in my lap Jack wanted me to hurry up. I finally got to a velvet jewellery box._

_“I picked it myself!” Jack yelled and I kissed his head before opening up the box to find a gold charm bracelet with four charms; a dog in a kennel, a heart, a crown, and a flower._

_“It’s beautiful!” I ran my finger over each charm in turn, feeling the cold metal against my skin. Spencer leaned forward and helped me fasten it on._

_“I made you a card too!” Jack produced a handmade card with a family of stick figures. Me, Jack and Aaron. Inside, in his sprawled writing he’d written **Deer Marley, Thanks for being the bestest Nanny in the whole world. Jack!**_

_“Thank you Jack! It’s the best card I’ve ever had.” He beamed at my praise._

_“Next one!” Jack yelled and passed me a bigger package. I opened this one with more enthusiasm to find a black and red satchel nestled between folds of tissue paper._

_“For when you go back to college.” Aaron explained. I’d spoken to my college advisors and was going back at the start of the new term, and would hopefully do enough classes to catch up. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, so many people, being away from Jack and Spencer, but I had to. I wasn’t giving up on my dream, so it was nice that I could take something from them with me._

_“It’s great, Aaron.”_

_“And finally, something from me.” Spencer added as Jack passed me the final package. It was a book, I could tell by the shape. I ripped it open to find a copy of the joke book I’d given him when we met. There was a slight bump under the cover and I opened it to find a key between the pages alongside an inscription. **My Darling Marley, I hope every day is this special. I love you always, Spencer.**_

_“It’s perfect.” I leaned up and kissed him, the familiar give of his soft skin nearly sent me into tears._

_“I thought it was about time you got your own key.” I kept hold of the back of his neck, enjoying the closeness. “Sorry I didn’t get you a card. Clinton’s really let me down on this one.”_

_“Well, I’ve been well and truly spoilt. Do we get food now?” What can I say, I’d been eyeing the cake since we’d walked in the door._

_“Yes,” Aaron sighed and Jack and I cheered in union. I’d spent too long around the boy, I’d passed on my food obsessions to him. Spencer went to get plates with Jack trailing him like an overgrown puppy._

_“When are you going to break it to him that you pay me to be nice to him?” I joked._

_“When he’s fifty?”_

_“Seems reasonable._

_“Seriously, Marley, you deserve this.”_

_“Thanks Aaron.” I leaned my head on his shoulder briefly before being heralded over to the food._

_Spencer stayed over. He often did, Aaron couldn’t really complain when I couldn’t stay at Spencer’s. We went to bed relatively early, curling up together with the TV playing in the background and the lights turned down low. I turned round in Spence’s arms so I could kiss him, feeling happier than I had since, well since_ then.

_“Today’s been perfect. Thank you.”_

_“I didn’t do anything, really, it was all Jack and Aaron.” He mumbled but I cut off any more complaints with another kiss, pulling myself so I was lying on top of him._

_“Marls,” he mumbled, pushing me away slightly so he could stare in my eyes._

_“It’s okay, I’m ready.” He smiled, hesitantly putting one hand on the side of my face so he could kiss me. His touch was tender, soft, giving me the chance to pull back. Instead I kissed him back harder, putting my heart and soul in it._

_“I love you.” He promised me and I agreed._

“Marley.” I jumped at Aaron’s voice. I had been a million miles away, curled up with Spencer in that dark bedroom. I could remember waking up the next morning feeling better than I had since Halloween night. I could hear Jack’s laugh from the living room where Aaron was playing him, and Spencer’s deep breathing beside me. I’d wriggled round in his embrace, to see his peaceful face. I’d placed my lips against the side of his mouth before lying down in the crook of his neck. I could have stayed there forever.

“Do you remember the first ever Marley’s day?” He snorted before taking a seat beside me on the window seat overlooking the back garden. The sun was starting to rise, casting a pale pink glow over the swing set.

“How could I forget, I think that was the first secret Jack ever managed to keep. He was so excited. Just think, this year you can have a Marley _and_ a Mother’s day.” I rubbed my hand over my stomach, I still hadn’t told Jack that there was going to be another child in the family.

“That was one of the best days of my life.”

“It was the first time you properly smiled for months, the day after it was like you were walking on a cloud.”

“Yeah,” I shrugged noncommittally, hoping he didn’t notice my crimson face.

“Of course I think your night with Spencer helped.” I let out a shriek and laughed, showing off his mock evil side. “I’m a profiler! Plus you guys were a little nois-”

“Ok! Ok! You made your point. God I can’t look at you right now.” He laughed again while I tried to stop myself laughing.

“You’re pregnant! I do know where babies come from.”

“Yes, but there’s a difference between knowing that I’ve had sex in general and listening in the other room!”

“I didn’t want to listen!” We laughed together at the memory, it really did seem a thousand miles away. A shared dream.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” I asked and he sighed before heading for the shower. I pulled myself up to, deciding to drag Jack out of bed while I was getting the Hotchner men to do things they didn’t want to.  We’d managed to get Jack back into his own bed with a nightlight. He was curled up on his side, with Rooster squashed under his chest and one arm dangling down towards the floor. Keeping an eye out for discarded toys I headed for his bed. As quietly as possible I sat on the edge of his bed and stroked his dirty blond hair off his face, he looked to peaceful to wake up. We hadn’t told him yet that I was having a baby. That for all intents and purposes he was going to be a big brother. I glanced round his room, we’d made it pretty nice if I say so myself. We’d got some Avengers wall stickers and stuck them all over his walls; he loved them. His favourite- Captain America- was above his bed.  His toys were piled along one wall along with a desk for doing his homework. On the other wall a closet was half shut as his clothes fought to escape. I really needed to talk about hanging them up. The dawn light was streaming through the bottom of the curtain, the light nearly touching Jack’s arm.

“Jack, Jack, baby it’s time to get up.” I shook his free arm and he let out a groan, trying to bury himself in the duvet. “You’re not a teenager yet, so no grouching! If you get up now we’ll have time to try out the new waffle maker.”

He grumbled something I took for a yes so I left him to pull himself together and headed downstairs, needing a drink, although coffee was off the cards. Lucky I wasn’t quite as addicted to the stuff as my husband was. Instead I settled for a glass of water and a cracker to settle my stomach. As I finished the first trimester my morning sickness was, thankfully, wearing off, although I still felt like crap most mornings.

“I’m ready for waffles!” Jack announced loudly as he raced into the kitchen.

“Well then, I guess the only question is chocolate sauce or toffee?”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

There was a bookshop was on my way back from Jack’s school, and since I had no job I decided to run in. I headed for the section for “parents to be,” the selection was vast, vaster than I’d thought it would be. I mean how many different ways could you describe pregnancy? I was about to find out. I flipped through a few, regretting landing on the full page colour picture of labour in one, before deciding to just choose the bestseller recommendation. I took it to the checkout, feeling slightly embarrassed, the way you felt when you brought tampons from a male cashier. Although, if he was judging me he wasn’t obvious. I shoved the book into my bag and headed out into the sunshine.

I knew I had to tell Jack about the baby, and soon, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. To add more confusion into his life. Aaron was letting me take the lead on this one but I knew he was going to start pushing soon.

Today. I decided. No matter what happened I would sit him down after school and tell him everything.

_God Spence I wish you were here._

 


End file.
